Hanukkah was celebrated this week in the shadow of the arrival of the Omicron, which may sound like a French pastry, but is actually a South African mutant that immediately climbed to the top of the all-time favorite mutation parade.
Along the way she made an exciting comeback to nostalgic institutions like the isolation, hotels and GSS lodges.
The world of tourism and culture definitely needs a miracle now.
The original Hanukkah miracle - in whose memory we have been celebrating the holiday for years with candles, pancakes, branded spinning tops and donuts that are so intricate that TMA already has to be done - would not have opened a news release today, and at best would have received a negligible item on a consumer program.
In our sensational world, to define as a miracle the fact that oil was enough for more days than planned would be a wild exaggeration, especially when one vessel of oil is enough in the falafel stands for much more than eight days, and it is a miracle if replaced every day (too frequent replacement can damage taste).
Today, to win the title of "miracle" you have to survive a plane crash, wake up from a 20-year coma, recover from an illness after no doctor gave you a chance, or qualify for the World Cup.
But we love stories about miracles, as evidenced by the popularity of prostrations on the graves of the righteous for finding matchmaking and gatherings in the courtyards of rabbis for blessing at Rabbi X-ray and other rabbis with nicknames of appliances.
The Jew believes in miracles, holy water and soda to encourage fertility, and there is no reason to spoil it.
Even in the days of the Maccabees, they realized that if you want a brand like Dreibun to catch on the marketing level, you need to attach a strong and short slogan of four words: a great miracle was here, a winning slogan passed down from generation to generation just like the four abbreviated numbers of insurance companies.
And as with an insurance company, even in life, when you want compensation, it would not hurt to pray a little.
It is true that even the students of Maimonides stated that prayer mainly affects the worshiper, and that the universe or God is not a plan as your request, and that the legal advisers of the Creator of the world ensured that his bylaws would have no obligation to keep the request.
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The first lady, for example, does not take chances, and the subject of miracles has been organized for her for years in what she calls "summonses."
After returning from several spiritual workshops in the Negev and the Galilee, she explained to me that in order for something to happen to you you have to summon it, and that if you sit foot on foot and howl - nothing will happen.
Every morning she writes summonses for things she wants to happen, because she claims that if you want to win the lottery, you should buy a ticket.
I have often wondered if summonses work.
We all want to be good, and yet there are people whose path is more successful than the path of others.
Is it related to the fact that they order things and others do not?
Is there a hidden force that directs the business and handles inquiries, and perhaps also arranges protections for associates and those who pay it to the elderly from the side?
Whenever something positive happens at home, with the girls or in our immediate environment, my wife used to say to me, "I just called this morning."
At first I was skeptical and used to tell her to schedule a lottery win, but then I started to believe.
An act that was so was.
One day our car broke down.
She started stuttering and coughing, and I was sent to the garage to find out what the problem was and how to overcome it.
In the garage, the importer explained to me that the chalk had finished its journey, and since the warranty had expired very recently, the damage was NIS 8,000.
I was a little sad, but I had no choice but to leave the car in the garage.
The next day, after consulting with a friend who understands cars and explained to me that there are less official garages for repairing gear in the world, I closed the phone with an alternative garage, which promised to repair the vehicle for only NIS 6,000.
I told the lady the matter, and she said to me, without blinking: "Obviously, this morning I asked for a discount on my morning summons."
I smiled at her lovingly and added cynically that if it's that simple, next time she's give us a bigger discount, or you'll just arrange cash for us.
The next morning a call was received from the original garage.
The foreman announced that he had raised our fault to the senior management level, and after reviewing the recently completed warranty, it was decided to give us the repair without any consideration at all.
I updated the first lady on the sensational development, and she in turn updated me that this morning she sent an updated summons on a larger discount.
At this point I felt like my natural skepticism was having an urgent discussion with the thrift and money making department in my personality.
You can laugh at the first lady and her summonses until tomorrow, but hello, NIS 8,000 is not going on foot, especially now that the car is driving again.
Suddenly I remembered that more than once, appointments scheduled for me and I had no interest or power to hold were canceled by the other side, so not only was my wish fulfilled - the other side was also the one who absorbed all the guilt, while I forged deep disappointment at the cancellation.
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Hence it is possible to summon even more dubious requests, the morality of which is questionable.
One might wish, or time, people a little less positive things.
On the other hand, since the summons industry is open to everyone, the question arises as to what will be stronger - my summons that my rivals will go bankrupt, or their summons to prosperity and inheritance from the uncle in America.
Is the fact that yesterday I received a traffic report in the mail from the Tel Aviv Municipality for NIS 500 that I entered the route reserved for a public car, due to the fact that one of my haters summoned me a fine - or that I did not summon myself free of reports, or just the ability to see on the road Marking in yellow?
And in the case of too many summonses during rush hour, is the universe clogged and a traffic jam is created, so all I get is a message that "the universe is currently handling previous inquiries, disconnect the summons and we will get back to you in turn"?
And what happens if I take the time to sit on the beach quietly and without interruption, only to have the exact same wish summoned for another 800 people, some of whom also included a karaoke kit? Is what will happen is that like in Wise, when a lot of people are diverted from the traffic jam to an alternative lane on a side road, it will also create a new traffic jam there - and we will all meet at sea? And in the event that many people call for a grand prize in the lottery, will the amount be divided among them all?
There was someone who once said that if God had listened to everyone's prayers at football games, all games would have ended in a draw. I therefore wonder if it is not a mistake to share here the matter of summonses, which could create a burden on the system and a conflict of interest summonses. At the same time, I recognize a business opportunity here. Many people do not have the time and patience needed to make summonses, and it is possible to recruit those who have time for it, who will function as a summoning officer, a bit like the guys who bury notes at the Western Wall for the lazy. The NCO will receive various requests from you during the day and coordinate them, for a modest fee, for an orderly summons in front of the universe.
Ever since I was exposed to the world of summons, I try it on all sorts of occasions.
This morning, for example, I dared to summon from the universe one of the greatest requests imaginable - that the dishwasher be emptied of dishes, not by me.
Indeed, when I got to the kitchen I saw the first lady turning the dishes.
I told her with a winning smile that this matter had been summoned by me, and she replied that she was inviting me to throw out the rubbish.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il
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