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Intended for use at sea: Author Elias Fischer on the Berlin hostel boat »Western Comfort«
Photo: Tamara Eckhardt / DER SPIEGEL
13 years can be long - even if it only ends up being seven.
Today I am aware of it.
When I signed my declaration of commitment with the German Navy in February 2011, shortly after my 18th birthday, things were different.
My career planning ended where it began: I wanted to get out of my parents' home and earn money, and ideally variety and recognition.
A career as an officer in the armed forces service seemed to give me all of that.
I am now 28 years old and have not officially been part of the Bundeswehr for 40 months.
I never fulfilled the 13 years I was committed to.
Instead, I recently completed a bachelor's degree in journalism and communication studies and am now on the threshold of professional life for the second time - this time as a journalist.
Why is it that the Bundeswehr and I did not harmonize as I had imagined? I have often asked myself that at the end of my service life and afterwards. Today I no longer look for
the
one explanation that doesn't exist anyway. But it is likely that the misunderstanding began long before I was a soldier.
I had my first contact with the Bundeswehr in high school. Two marines in deep blue trousers and white short-sleeved shirts gave us a lecture about career options in the Navy. They talked about sea operations, hierarchies and a lot of money that should end up in my account. Punctual. Reliable. For years. When I visited the troops in Kiel a little later, I went to the Baltic Sea in a mine-hunting boat and heard lectures about the sea battalion and the combat swimmers.
Jackpot! I didn't want to know more at the time. The officer career seemed tailored to me. From day one, I should be getting almost 1500 euros net per month. With each promotion, the salary should increase, up to around 3000 euros per month at the end of the 13 years. As a schoolboy, I had stood in the sawmill several times a week for a few euros and spent my vacations in construction. With the Bundeswehr that would finally stop, it sounded like absolute independence to me.
And not only from a financial point of view: the officers' schools of the armed forces navy, army and air force are located in Flensburg, Dresden and Fürstenfeldbruck;
the universities of the Bundeswehr in Hamburg and Munich.
I didn't have anything in common with any of the cities, but I found something in all of them: distance to my parents' home in western Lower Saxony.
And I've wanted to get away from there for years.
Army, Air Force, Navy - I agreed to everything
The fact that I ended up with the Navy was because I had heard their talk and toured their base.
If I had visited another branch of the armed forces, the decision might have been in their favor.
My application documents testify to this: I stated at the time that I also agreed with the Army and Air Force.
For the decision, elementary discussions with hierarchies, with missions and life on board did not take place in me.
Afterwards it often seemed paradoxical when I had always struggled with an authority problem at school and at home.
The officer career in the Navy begins with a one-year officer course, at the end of which the suitability for an officer is confirmed or not.
As a rule, the soldiers then complete a degree.
I got a place in mechanical engineering at the Helmut Schmidt University in Hamburg.
On my application form, mechanical engineering was the preferred course of study before business administration and sports science.
But with the subjects it was the same as with the armed forces: I neither leaned towards one, nor would I have rejected one.
In general, I did not attach great importance to the study;
it was a logical must after graduation.
And the Bundeswehr made it possible for me to fulfill this duty.
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My application documents show that I didn't tend towards a subject or a military service
Photo:
Tamara Eckhardt / DER SPIEGEL
In the course of the next few years it became clear how short it was.
I struggled with my studies, with the content and the idea of later working in a technical job.
But that was exactly what was planned for the remaining eight years of service after graduation and possibly even the time afterwards, because: The Federal Office for Personnel Management - the human resource department of the Bundeswehr - had planned me as a technical officer on a minehunter.
I had spent seven weeks on a frigate during my officer training course and that was not a bearable experience.
I couldn't imagine staying for weeks or even days on a boat that offers even less privacy, movement and contact options.
And now I should be working right there.
What were my alternatives? I couldn't imagine becoming a professional soldier after 13 years. After the contract period, I didn't want to work as an engineer in the private sector either. For which positions in mechanical engineering should I have applied at all if I had not gotten beyond maintenance, operational control and a little leadership skills in the navy?
I suppressed all of this for the time being. It was only when I started working as a ship engineering officer that I could no longer ignore the resistance that had built up in me over the years - resistance to my studies, seafaring and the fixed hierarchies. I didn't even go to sea because the boat was in the shipyard. But suddenly - at the age of just 24 - I was responsible for people and materials in a work environment that I had struggled with for years. I was completely overwhelmed. And only this excessive demand gave me the courage to admit to myself that I had lost my way.
The subsequent outsourcing process lasted almost a year and ended with the fact that I left a naval barracks for the last time at the end of August 2018 - through the same gate through which I entered one for the first time to visit the troops in the upper level.
Today I know that I can only make a sustainable decision if I prepare for it in terms of content, morals and emotions.
When I signed my declaration of commitment at the time, it was the logical step, because I had not dealt with the officer's career or my needs.
That only came about in the course of the experience.
When I was looking for a new future plan, a new job, I didn't reduce my decision to the impulses of money and moving out.
So it happens that today I sit in the editorial office and write - sometimes about myself.