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A psychologist on the Calma hotline in Bogotá answers calls from men
Photo: Federico Rios Escobar / DER SPIEGEL
When they started telephone service a year ago, the skeptics prophesied that no one would call.
Maria Fernanda Cepeda Anaya and her team had dared to do something completely new in Colombia: a hotline to combat domestic violence aimed at men.
The skeptics were wrong: Already in the first eight months, the "Linea Calma", which translates as "calming hotline", received 3448 calls. Because most of the men answered in the evening or at night, not all calls could be taken back then. The eleven psychologists on the hotline can now be reached daily until 10.30 p.m. to help men in emotional crises to prevent domestic violence against their partners - and to wean them off the machismo.
The "Linea Calma" has been around since December 2020, and it was high time: the incidence of domestic violence rose exponentially during the pandemic.
An emergency hotline for women collapsed because suddenly there were 200 times more calls than usual. "Our project had been in the planning for a long time," says Cepeda Anaya, who heads the gender and diversity department in the city of Bogotá's cultural department, "but because of the pandemic we have accelerated it. "
The hotline is part of the progressive agenda of the Green Mayor Claudia López Hernández, who has been ruling the city since January 2020.
The service is advertised on social media, but also on television and, most recently, with posters and flyers in men's toilets in bars.
SPIEGEL:
Ms. Cepeda Anaya,
the hotline phone rings - who is calling?
Cepeda Anaya:
The largest groups are straight men between 18 and 25 years and between 41 and 55 years.
Most are from the lower middle class and middle class;
these are also the largest social groups in Bogotá.
Only about ten percent of the callers come from very poor or rich backgrounds.
The richer have other options, the poor lack the means to even call.
SPIEGEL:
What do the callers usually report?
Cepeda Anaya:
In fact, in most cases men call when they are in an emotional crisis situation.
It is rare for someone to call us who has just hit his wife.
Rather, men who are about to engage in violence will phone up and tell us how they are feeling.
SPIEGEL: In
your experience, what situations are the most frequent causes of domestic violence?
Cepeda Anaya:
Basically, men who are jealous and controlling are at high risk of becoming violent.
We already know that.
Even with emotionally dependent men.
The following situation is particularly dangerous: A man lives emotionally completely isolated from his partner.
She wants to end the relationship at some point because she can no longer take it.
When he finally finds out, he is completely in shock, believing that a rival is taking his wife away from him.
This is a moment when there is a lot of violence.
SPIEGEL:
The offer is only aimed at men.
Why?
Cepeda Anaya:
There are many initiatives that address women.
But women are not solely responsible for avoiding violence or protecting themselves.
That's why we wanted to create a project that makes men responsible and helps them change their behavior.
But we also want to better understand the cultural roots of gender-based violence.
SPIEGEL:
And what are the reasons?
Cepeda Anaya:
Before we set up the hotline, we first researched the problem.
It found that 81 percent of domestic violence emanates from men.
The most common reasons for the behavior cited are machismo, jealousy, and real or perceived infidelity.
We have found that in our city of Bogotá there are terrible ideas of hegemonic masculinity, that society expects men to have a dominant social position.
SPIEGEL:
Why is that so problematic?
Cepeda Anaya:
Machismo, which is deeply rooted in society, allows men only feelings such as anger and aggression, which can then be expressed in the form of violence - against themselves or others.
We asked men how they deal with their feelings.
Three quarters said they would like to better manage their emotions but don't know how.
56 percent said men could solve their problems on their own and didn't need any help at all.
It also became clear that men don't talk to anyone about their feelings.
They say they would talk to their friends about it.
But actually 90 percent only talk about football or politics, as it turned out.
SPIEGEL:
What followed from these findings?
Cepeda Anaya:
The top priority of our hotline is: We want our society to normalize men's feelings.
Every man can call us whatever he is feeling, whether he is sad, alone, hurt, abandoned, jealous or angry.
Anyone who is in an emotional crisis, who wants to talk, we talk to for an hour, two hours, as long as it takes.
We now have men who call us five times a week because they're so lonely.
SPIEGEL:
And that prevents domestic violence?
Cepeda Anaya:
Of course, we cannot resolve machismo, jealousy or violence in a one-hour conversation.
We offer a different service to every man who has to do with these problems or who has already directed psychological or physical violence against his partner or is about to do so: our psycho-educational service.
That is up to ten video sessions with one of our psychologists, once a week.
In these conversations we confront the men with their behavior, help them "unlearn" about sexism and learn other ways of being a man.
This has been shown to be very effective in preventing violence.
SPIEGEL:
A man calls you because he is beating his wife - and then you have an understanding conversation?
Cepeda Anaya:
Whenever we find out that the man is actually using physical violence, we call the police.
We tell the man that he is committing a crime and we must therefore hand him over to the authorities.
We accompany him through this process.
SPIEGEL:
So the hotline is not anonymous.
Doesn't that stop the men from calling in the first place?
Cepeda Anaya:
There is a risk, but there is no other way.
We are also committed to protecting women and cannot risk killing a woman, for example.
At the beginning of the conversation, we ask for your name and ID number.
Most of the men give us the data.
SPIEGEL:
Do you also experience violence emanating from women?
Cepeda Anaya:
Yes, many men are also victims of psychological violence in their relationships. That is evident from what they describe. We do not know what the other side is saying, but such dynamics are seldom one-sided. And violence has many faces. It's not just about hitting, insulting or controlling behavior. Our employees also report on economic violence, for example. There was the case of a man who lost his job in the pandemic and was ashamed. After all, our society expects him as a man to play the role of provider. In the video sessions, our agent saw that the man was wearing old, broken clothes. His wife kept her job but didn't give him the money to buy new pants.
SPIEGEL:
How was the hotline received by society?
Cepeda Anaya:
We are concerned with more than just preventing domestic violence.
We want a cultural transformation, we want to change the concept of masculinity in our society.
The majority of people are behind us.
Nevertheless, there is also criticism from different quarters.
When we set up the hotline, the rightists accused us of demonizing men or that we wanted to feminize them.
Radical feminists, on the other hand, criticized the fact that we even use resources to work with men.
SPIEGEL:
How do you plan to find out whether your hotline prevents violence?
Cepeda Anaya:
We stay in contact with the men and ask them about their everyday life.
The data are impressive, and not just on gender-based violence.
We see that men use drugs less and are better fathers, that their attitudes towards masculinity and romantic love are changing, that they are more in control of their emotions and that they become more autonomous in their relationships.
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