Daphne Rechter knows exactly when her new life began.
"Three years, ten months and 17 days that I am clean," she declares with a proud smile when we meet in a cafe in the center of Tel Aviv.
At the age of 56, when she was on a successful drug rehab program that clouded her life from a young age, today the actress-singer feels she is ready to return: to stages, to creation, to singing, to acting.
And most importantly - ready to go back to life.
After endless abysses, failed rehab attempts, bitter disappointments and moments of physical and mental depression - the result of prolonged use of hard drugs - Rechter is now working on what she considers a recovery and reconnection to the "real thing": her new acoustic musical show, which will soon hit the stage. About the story of her life, which she will convey separately.
"In music, these are small performances, my materials, with guitarist Omri Dadush. I will play the saxophone and sing. At the same time, and regardless, I will give a lecture on January 26 at the Tel Aviv Talkhouse, where I will tell the plot of my life. It's called 'black angel white angel' ".
Obviously I will ask for an explanation for this charged name.
"All my life I have had a white angel, who was very small and undeveloped, and at the same time a black angel, who kept growing and growing. Today, after everything I went through, I realize that the white angel kept me all the time, and the black angel actually became small and miserable.
"It's not an insight that comes suddenly. It's my big story since I was born. From the age of 14 I tried all the hard drugs there, of all kinds, including heroin, cannabis, alcohol, while functioning in the theater. There was a huge gap between the huge success I achieved and the failure I felt. "This is the meaning of the white angel and the black angel. 'The white angel' is the character that people adored, as opposed to 'the black' - where I really was."
Over the years you have made many efforts to quit. What was different this time?
"There were full rehab attempts, but it never lasted. I tried different rehab centers, all kinds of treatments and everything, and it never quite passed.
"This time I snatched her head from the strongest direction possible. My daughter, Zoe (25), who opened my eyes. I do not want to talk about her or what happened there, because I take care to maintain her privacy. I can only say that thanks to her I realized that I should not "To die. That my girl needs me. And I was in a place that within a day or two I could not be here."
Really in danger of death?
"Yes. I got to the strongest bottom I've ever been to. Then I realized I had to live, that I needed help. I found a support group for drug addicts, where there are daily meetings and friendship there is the source of support. It does not matter if these are people who came out after 40 years in prison "Or those who 'only' used grass - they all speak the same language. We are all addicted, and being addicted is a real disease, a disease that is not seen."
Have you seen her?
"Yes, Ali has already seen the disease. I weighed 46 kilos, I was gray. 'Dead Woman Walking.' Months, but after that she will be better off in life, because what does she need this yoke.I believed in it with all my heart.Then came the cape, and I just fought nails and teeth, and went into rehab.
"I was 52, and in rehab I had to start re-learning how to talk, walk, function. As an addict you do not know who you are at all, you do not remember anything from your history, and that is to start from scratch. I keep going to the group every day. Even today.
"Every time I say out loud how long I've been drug-free - I have to digest. I used to be clean for a week, a month, two months, but I was never really clean, because when I did not take heroin I snorted cocaine and drank alcohol. Now I do not touch anything. ".
I guess you are occasionally attacked by breaking moments.
"Every day. Remember I'd been using drugs for 40 years, it's hovering all the time. There are rehab tools, the 12 step plan that applies it to other things in life. It's an ingenious plan, and I recommend it to anyone, whether addicted or not. In the end "Drug cleansing is the least difficult step. After that, you have to deal with life as it is, and that's a tough thing to do."
In 2009.
"There was a huge gap between the great success and the failure I felt," Photo: Meir Partosh
• • •
She was born in the Nof Yam neighborhood of Herzliya, the daughter of the late actress Hannah Maron and the late architect Yaakov Rechter, both winners of the Israel Prize in their field.
She is the sister of architect Amnon Rechter and researcher Dr. Ofra Rechter, and the half-sister of musician Yoni Rechter and illustrator Michal Levitt - from her father's first marriage. Today she lives alone in the quiet Bitzaron neighborhood of Tel Aviv.
I have to ask right away: did your family not know you were using heroin at such a young age?
"When I was 14 no one knew. I did not spend much time at school, but in Dizengoff Square with the freaky guys, I became a friend of a German drug addict, and he injected me. It seemed to me then the most logical thing in the world to do, it did not scare me. "My parents didn't catch on, and I managed to hide it. At a later stage, and of course after the army, they already knew. Although in the army and in acting studies I used less heroin and more alcohol and soft drugs."
Already as a girl she studied acting at Beit Zvi, even though she did not plan to become an actress.
“At 16, in 11th grade, I left high school of my own free will.
My parents did not want me to sit at home all day, so my mother suggested that I go to the Beit Zvi preparatory school, which had just opened.
"At Beit Zvi I met crazy people like me, and what I was able to do - I did well. Suddenly I received positive feedback, unlike all the 'lazy, retarded, failing at nothing, unworthy, you do not deserve to breathe', feelings I had because I did not succeed in school "Because of my learning problems."
With these awful feelings and depressing nicknames did you grow up?
"Yes, from a young age. I have mild dyslexia, dyslexia of numbers and also ADHD and learning disorders, and at that time we did not diagnose it. So of course I felt I was dumb.
"Suddenly at Beit Zvi I got good responses from the environment, so I stayed there because I so needed it. From there I was dragged into a acting career."
With her mother, the late Hannah Maron. "I make her imitations in front of everyone who wants to hear, and it's very entertaining," Photo: Meir Partosh
In the IDF, she served for a very short time in a military band.
"After that, I worked in the Ministry of Defense's bookstore publishing house, until I was released early."
From the early 1990s, Rechter was considered a well-known figure in the world of culture.
She has starred in movies ("Overseas," "Max and Moritz," "Seduction" and "City Connection," for which she won the Ophir Award);
In TV series ("Love Around the Corner," "The Institute");
And in countless plays at the Be'er Sheva Theater, Habima and Beit Lessin (including "Othello", "As You Like It" and "Excitement", for which she was chosen actress of the year at the theater awards ceremony).
And yet, alongside success and fame, she was haunted by demons from whom she found refuge in a fake drug.
"At one point, in the early '90s, I decided to go to New York, where I did not play at all. I was happy. I walked the streets alone, and it was good to feel anonymous. After a year full of drugs there I returned to Israel - and was drawn to the game again.
"Then the process of hysterical success continued with me - and on the other hand the feeling of inaction with which I lived. At night I would go to bars, full of men, full of drugs. Going home to sleep, like Dracula, Dead Woman, no animal, "Almost to the point of bleeding. I took a lot of drugs just to be able to get on stage."
I saw you in the theater. Always looks focused on the character, not drugged.
"Luckily, the drugs didn't stop me from playing. I got to a point without which I could not actually function."
• • •
12 years ago she decided to finally leave the game and dedicate herself to her true love - music.
"I always saw music as one rank above God. Music does not deal with the vanities of the world and stays clean upstairs, good, won and perfect. As a child I played a little piano, but I hated it because as a dyslexic I could not read notes. Instead I would listen a lot to music.
"I had a 'segment' with guitarist and singer David Gilmore. I remember the first time I saw a picture of him, when my dad brought a double album of Pink Floyd. I could not believe there was a man like him who looked like an angel. From that moment Gilmore was an angel guarding me, and I would sit. "For hours listening to him, and also to Freddie Mercury and Led Zeppelin. My dad would bring all the best records, and all my childhood was around that music."
The day she decided to switch to music, she hurried to buy herself a musical instrument she had dreamed of.
"That very day I went and bought a saxophone. I have no explanation for why this particular instrument. I have a crazy connection with it and played alone for hours, everywhere I went. I made a hole in people's heads. At first I did not play well, but for me it was always what I wanted."
For 11 years, until their separation two years ago, Rechter was the partner of the musician Naaman Tal, who is 13 years younger than her.
"We met when we played together in a jam session, and it developed into a novel. I fell in love with Naaman's songs, and we started writing and also performing together.
Their debut album, "AIRBALOON", which they co-created, was released eight years ago.
Rechter performs songs in English that she wrote with Tal - which in turn produced, arranged and played all the instruments, except the saxophones in which she played.
"This album was immature, but it's wonderful to me. It went on the radio, was played quite a bit on FM88, but it was not a huge success. They played quite a bit of the song 'SOON', written by Naaman, and the theme song, which was the first song I composed. And I wrote.
"After 'AIRBALOON' I created another album, which Corinne Elal produced. I asked her if she wanted to collaborate, and we met the next day. The album is called 'Daphne Rechter on a Good Day,' and it was released six years ago.
"Suddenly the music, that light, the white angel, came into my life, and I was in a crazy mania. But the cycle happened again: when I was not making music in the studio, back or performing - I was in a glider. The gap was terrible, something turned me off. I was completely bipolar."
The drug withdrawal process obliges her to temporarily stay away from music.
"In fact, I was sure the music would never come back to me. The rehab was born out of life as it was, including from the music. Suddenly you're Sahit, and it's totally scary.
"At the beginning of the detox you do not know what and how to do. I walked around with my eyes open and a huge question mark over my head. It is harder than the physical detox, because physically you know that at some point the crisis will pass. The real coping starts later, .
During rehab you did not play, did not perform or play. May I ask what you lived for?
"From inheritance money, from the rent I receive for an apartment I bought for my daughter, and which is registered in her name, and also from an allowance I started receiving from Social Security."
• • •
About six months after joining the support group, Rechter was accepted to the Rothschild Drug Enforcement Center, a stage she defines as the "greatest gift" she has ever received in life.
"I went to a day center, where I checked in four times a week, from 9 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. It's self-employment within a group of women, with two instructors.
"I recommend to anyone who has a story similar to mine, a drug problem, to go there. This center is another tier that saved my life. I would not last just with the support groups. I was at the center for ten months, and went through a process.
"For the first half year at the center I did not speak. I did not understand what was going on around me, I could not get inside, I was blocked. Slowly I started talking and working on myself. I really wanted to go back to music, but it was hard. I could not play. Before I started cleaning was I have a band called '4 on the Rechter Scale', but it fell apart.
"At that time I was writing lyrics, but I still couldn't compose. At one point Meirav Goldman and I, my band's stunning and space guitarist, decided to meet once a week. 'Let's try to make music,' I suggested, and so, in the last year and a half, the new songs were born. My".
A month ago, a year after "Hatzuya" was released, a song written before the rehab process and performed by the band, Rechter released a new rhythmic single on the radio, "Divorce Myself".
Three more singles are expected to be released later.
"I like that in 'Divorce of myself' the text and the melody are opposite in character. The music is mouth-watering and uplifting, but in the text I sing ' , In a hug, quietly in a perfect connection / and I would feel like a woman '.
"Now I'm looking ahead, working on my and Omri Dadush's little show, which I got to through my personal manager, Yardena Assouline. I really want to be successful today. In the past I did not care if they played my songs or not. Today I want to be successful and I care." .
Did you involve your half-brother, Yoni Rechter, in your musical endeavors?
"We in the family do not mix, but I tell him things. June and I are in a good relationship, and I love him very, very much, but we do not mix. He will not host me at his show, and I will not host him. I wish.
"But I'm not in this place either. I want to build myself. Over the years there were times we were not in touch. After my dad died the family broke up. Dad was such a 'godfather' that everyone wanted to be under his wing. He held everything. If we were family Crime would kiss his ring on the finger.
"I have a good relationship with Yoni, and when I say things to him he answers in a restrained and beautiful way. It's not a relationship where I play him a new song and he helps me renovate it. We make a separation, and that's good in my eyes."
Yoni Rechter.
"Hearing Him," Photo: Coco
At the same time as the new songs, she is preparing for the founding lecture that will deal with the story of her life.
"Maybe I'll play the saxophone there, but I'm not closed on that yet. By and large, this lecture is an open heart surgery. I come and give everything I have, all the insights I have gathered over the years, all the vulnerabilities, all that I am. All that has piled up on me. Until the good end that is now.An end that is also the beginning of something.
"I learned that the past is not something I have to live with anymore. I take it on me like a kitbag, but I'm not there. The past no longer affects me adversely, it gives me strength. Who I am today is the totality of this thing."
• • •
The past Kitbag, as she calls him, is full of difficult experiences with her mother, Hannah Maron, who was considered a legend in the local cultural world for decades, until her death in 2014, at the age of 90 and a half.
Rechter has often spoken about her difficult relationship with what was sometimes called "the first lady of Israeli theater."
Now, when I ask her about her mother, she bursts into her perfect imitation, and with smiling eyes sheds light on the relationship with her parents, which from a distance of time has left a residue in her - alongside new insights.
"My father, who passed away 22 years ago, was my white angel, with all the bad things I understand about him today. He also did not really see me, which contributed to the great sense of disregard I felt, but he was very present in my life. He never judged me. ", And was there for me. Thanks to him, I grew up with a very strong chin and I had a 'role model' of how I want to be. A strong, persistent, determined person."
Did he not grasp the situation of his beloved daughter?
"Only at a later stage did he know everything, and still have a sympathetic ear. Throughout my older life he saved me from death. At one point I came and said to him 'Dad, release', in the most sober way, not in drama. I asked him to leave me. That was when I came back from New. York.
"He listened, always listened, and in the look they saw that it hurt him. He said to me, 'As long as I am alive you can not die. When I die do what you want. Until then there will be no stone that I will not turn to help you. "No matter how many times it happens. You can not die as long as I am alive." His things saved me.
With your mother the picture was different.
"I have a lot of compassion for my mother today. She was a woman with a very big problem, she was in a closed circle with herself. Nothing from the outside really went into her, everything was through her eyes, and she lived like that all her life. Think from the age of three she was on "Death, and that was her. She had nothing else."
When she was not on stage she was a mother at home.
"I was disappointed in her all the time. Every time I mustered up the courage to come and try to talk to her about things that hurt me - I got a cold shoulder from her. Either she did not believe me, or it did not interest her. And maybe she tried to run away from it. Bottom line, I never succeeded. To really get close to her. "
It was frustrating to know that outside she is so valued and admired, but at home she does not function as the mother you wanted?
"I was not so interested in how she was perceived outside, and the truth that she was 'public' at home as well. She kept talking like that (doing a perfect imitation of her mother; MK).
I once asked her, 'Why are you talking like that?'
- And I almost slapped her for it.
She did not speak normally, this is the character she was.
I do not know how to explain it.
"When I was a drug addict in the passage of the old Cameri, on Dizengoff Street, about 15 years old, I was sitting there one day, a drug addict from the ass, with the German friend who would inject me, and together we sold disgusting jewelry made of tin.
"Then my mother comes down from some back in the theater and picks me up. She looks at me with a terrified look and says, 'But why here? Why under the chamber?'
"Now it's funny to me, by and large, but then I thought to myself, why does she care what people say and not that I'm drugged? I do not remember what I answered her, because I was really deleted."
Before she died, did you manage to talk about the heavy loads?
"The miracle that happened to me with my mother was that we closed a circle at the end, in the last weeks of her life. For many years we were not in touch at all. I asked her to leave me alone, even though once in a while she would try.
"Then, in the last month of her life, I knew she was in bad shape and I came to visit her with the guitar, in her house. I tried to reach her again, to be who I am in front of her.
"Suddenly her eyes were opened. She was very enthusiastic about the songs I played for her and said, 'Is this you? Is this yours? This is beautiful.'
"For me it was a miracle that I closed a circle with her, because since she passed away I have no longing for her. It closed terribly beautifully, and today I am full of compassion for her. She did the opposite of what I needed.
"Today I occasionally go up to my parents' graves, and I make imitations of my mother in front of anyone who wants to hear. It's very amusing. When I walk around town, I'm very pleased to see the buildings my father designed and know I'm surrounded by it."
"I would rub the skin almost to the point of bleeding, in boiling water."
Rechter, Photo: Eric Sultan
• • •
Alongside music, there is another essential area that Rechter is sanctifying and promoting today: the world of veganism and the struggle for animal rights.
"I've been a vegetarian since I can remember. As a child I could not see the face of the fish on the plate, I could not stand it. My daughter, Zoe, discovered veganism through Gary Yuropsky, and she showed me his lecture, 15 years ago. After three minutes of Watching I stopped and said to myself, 'Yoo, how was I just a vegetarian until now? How did I not know?'.
"Animals also go with me from childhood. Since I can remember, I have always brought more and more animals home. Today I have three dogs, and if I could - all the animals in the world would live in my house. This is a topic that is very important to me, and I try to help "For the various associations in what I can, to do in my home what is possible for the environment. Like, for example, recycling."
There is another social issue that has gained prominence in recent years: sexual harassment and the MeToo movement. In your career has it been present?
"Of course I experienced all sorts of things, which at the time were not considered something 'wrong'. Here touches, there touches. Today, thanks to the MeToo revolution, reality changes, but even then it did not really bother me, the truth. Maybe if I was not under the influence of drugs, I have a harder time with the harassment.
"Awareness today is different. Both among the women, who name boundaries, and also from the men, who took it to their attention - whether it was for fear of shaming or out of respect for the woman. I do not know what the motive is, but the main thing is that it happens."
Now, for the first time in many years, Rechter feels she is ready to open a new window into the field of acting.
"It's been a long time since I'd been in front of a camera. I'm ready to open up today to play from a different direction, because it's my profession and I do it well, do not treat it as life and death. I would love to go back to TV, movies, commercials. If I get a campaign, what good. "Something in front of a camera. Indeed, with nude scenes I'm done ...".
What about going back to the theater?
"I will say it bluntly: if I go back to the theater I will go back to using drugs. Sharp and smooth. It is a profession that needs a lot of strength for him, and I can not stand it mentally. My mother never understood why I left the theater and why I preferred music instead. The answer is that mentally I just could not.
"At Beit Lessin I had the best principal in the world, Tzipi Pines. She took care of me and loved me, and I really won her over. I also had a lot of amazing partners all the way through. And yet, in my mental structure I am not built for it. Not built for the theater."
Maya19.10 @ gmail, com
Were we wrong?
Fixed!
If you found an error in the article, we'll be happy for you to share it with us