This week, a news item caught my eye about a man who wanted to change his name at the Population and Immigration Authority to "Rabbit".
Following it, I wondered if the time had not come, after more than 60 years, to refresh my tired and used sky a bit to something updated and perhaps even more furry.
I tried to get into the guy's head.
Mr. Rabbit's previous name may have been a bear, a deer or a lion, and he felt that the name instilled in those around him a sense of a wild jungle or a dangerous forest.
Since he had actually softened over the years, he felt that a rabbit would more diamond his personality.
Or he just really likes lettuce.
In recent years, names taken from the wildlife have become less popular, perhaps as part of the vegetarian trend.
Parents go more in the direction of eclectic and international names, which sometimes sound more appropriate to a sushi name: Kai, Kim, Jan, Sean, Dean, Dorn, Yoam, Liom, Melody or Tho-Prince.
I find that in the good years, when people were still called animals, it happened with injustice and inequality.
Men, for example, were likely to be called lion or bear, but girls were not called lioness and bear.
Not to mention a giraffe, a chicken or a cow.
What made our parents and us prefer certain animals over others?
A glance at the world of names reveals that there are animals that are persona non grata, and it's a shame.
What is wrong, for example, with names like tiger, snake, camel or crocodile?
And why exactly do our beloved pets, dog and cat, who lie with us on the couch in the living room as if the apartment is theirs in the taboo, not deserve the honor of having people here named Levy Dog or Rabinovich Cat?
Maybe the problem stems from over-generalization, and if we were more specific and named our children by specific breeds - say, poodle, Labrador or Pekingese, or in the feline case - Siamese or Persian - everything would look different.
Oddly enough, precisely when it comes to dog nicknames we are much more relaxed, so you can meet people named Muki or Lucky.
Also, the hypocritical humans miraculously elevate the ant's diligence, but they will not call their daughter by her name.
No one also called his son an elephant, although quite a few Israelis think Phil Collins was named after the beast (known as one who was never offended by her thick skin).
• • •
The animal world also has public relations and image. Over the years we, humans, attribute certain qualities to them, without having to live means to defend ourselves, present another side of them or sue for libel for harming the good oil. The kitten is attributed sexual seduction; People who are not loyal to their mates are called a butterfly, after which the verb to butterfly was also invented - while ignoring the spectacular beauty of the flying insect. Perhaps because of the negative connotation no one is named after him, even though according to recent publications, the former head of the Mossad would certainly have been apt to be called Butterfly Cohen.
On the other hand, in our aggressive and ruthless world the nickname shark actually serves as a compliment to a successful businessman, including a TV show named after him.
On the other hand, and even though it's a much smarter and friendlier animal, no one will flatter anyone by saying 'What a dolphin you are!'
If you really want to flatter a shark, they will add that it has "bull eggs".
Speaking of Taurus, it is not clear why it is legitimate as a surname.
And if you already have family names - is the mayor of Tel Aviv named Huldai after the kibbutz, as he claims, or rather after the rodent?
Whoever invests in his attire and likes to show it is called a peacock, while a cunning combinator is a fox.
And if the latter gained the dubious image thanks to a complementary to a stork and cheese, it is not clear what the fish did, that in any suspicion of fraud they say "there is something fishy here."
When you want to say something bad about capitalists, you compare them to pigs, which can hurt pigs with a socialist worldview who live in Red Haifa.
The mice did not come out well in terms of image either: they are both spread disease and escape from a sinking ship, although mouse gray actually represents an accepted standard in the world of colors and design.
Not many are the animals that have two distinct images.
One of them is the rabbit, which is used to describe a cowardly person, and also of a particularly active person in the sexual realm, so it is possible that the main thing he is afraid of is syphilis.
Stubbornness is attributed stubbornness, although in reality it is first and foremost the unique combination between a serious parent and a horse parent, who in order to achieve the above result completely fluttered and did it like rabbits.
A person who does not know when it is time to go or who is just harassing, will be called a tick, and he who refuses to acknowledge reality is an ostrich, although neither of them has managed to penetrate the world of names.
I do not know any woman named Karzia Finkelstein, and even in anthroposophical gardens you will not find anyone named Bat Yana the son.
Those whose image is in Kant are the reptiles and insects, who also snatched from the unexpected direction of the borax and scout films with the nicknames microbe, flea and "what does the worm want? Looking for a hook."
Although there are also good and beneficial bacteria and insects, you will not find a father who will say to his son, "Come to Dad, cute microbe, and call your sister the worm, too."
The ones who actually managed to upgrade themselves were the frogs, who branded themselves using "frog people" - a nickname for divers in an elite unit whose silence is good, as well as the kingfishers, who joined the Air Force in intelligence gathering positions.
Where are they and where are the bulbuls, which are much less well branded.
• • •
Returning to Mr. Rabbit from the opening, it is worth reminding him that the requested name may limit him in the future, because it is difficult to see someone named Rabbit serving as chief of staff or defense minister.
But times change, and metaphors should change with them.
Since we are already less surrounded by animals, it's time to move on to using comparisons to our children's real pet creatures: "he's bouncy like a tick," "he's fickle like bitcoin," "he shit like poop emoji."
Or simply: "I really do not understand him, he is just like NFT."
It's time to dump her and move on.
When you want to say about someone that is antique, say "the human compact disk", or "the best Windows XP".
Children used to be named after trees - oak, pine, cedar, palm.
But since most children today only know what they see in the supermarket, it's time to move on to fruit names - orange, plum, strawberry, apricot and watermelon are wonderful names for children.
In the future I can certainly hear in my imagination the newscaster reporting: "Prime Minister serves as Hudida went out tonight to Washington, for a meeting with the President of the United States."
If there is a child named almond, it can also be cashew or almond soup.
And if there is a girl named Tamar, then why not Debla?
Twins can be called radish and radish, cabbage and cauliflower, or coriander and parsley, which are also difficult to distinguish between.
And as the world becomes more aware of the importance of spirituality and veganism, the days are coming when a child can be called turmeric, spirulina, sahug or hawaii.
The world is looking for solutions for hungry children and underprivileged populations, so it may be worthwhile for children's names to be sponsored by commercial companies as well.
Why not call the child Beasley Ben David, or Rami Levy Sycamore Marketing Cohen?
There are already children named Nissan, and with a little extra they will be Nissan Qashqai Leibowitz or Nissan Jok Gershuni, and here we have arranged for them a sponsorship for life.
Like I said at the beginning, I'm considering changing my name to something more up to date, and would love to sponsor a commercial company.
In the spirit of these days, I can suggest for example Yair Pfizer Nitzani.
Companies that are interested, feel free to write to me in private.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il
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