Emily Ratajkowski: "At the age of 6, I prayed to be beautiful"

2022-01-14T07:17:00.930Z

This time, it is not with her sulky lips and her XXS size that the top panics the networks, but with the publication in France of My Body, truth book and feminist survival guide. Interview and excerpts.

Emily Ratajkowski does not believe in God. At the age of 6, however, lying on her bed, she prayed “to be beautiful”. Then, the little girl became a model, posed for advertising campaigns, fashion series, created a brand of lingerie… becoming a muse. On Instagram, more than 28 million subscribers daily swipe the screen of their phone to admire this aesthetically perfect body and face, which she has made her profession. Emrata, that's how we know her, publishes these days a book entitled

My Body

(1), translated into French (Le Seuil). One winter evening, for an exchange by Zoom, his much-scrutinized face appeared on the computer screen. Meet this fulfilled beauty.

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Miss Figaro.

- What triggers, in the 30-year-old model that you are, the desire to write this book, these memoirs in a way?

Emily Ratajkowski.
-

I had been taking notes for a while in my phone, without thinking that I was writing a book. I did it when I wasn't working, like to put away my ideas and the scenes I was going through. I liked it, I was doing it for me, and at some point, re-reading these "sketches", I said to myself: "Maybe I should try to publish them?" I then sent messages to certain writers that I liked, as if to sound them out. Some didn't answer me, others still haven't… (Laughs.) But there are some — like the American essayist Ariel Levy — who encouraged me.

Were you scared when you pressed the button?

To pass for the supermodel who wants to write?

Totally!

I had seriously considered the possibility of being rejected.

I told myself that in this case, I would continue to write it for me and that it would be cathartic.

In fact, I had prepared myself for the worst!

You talk about catharsis, have you taken care of things by writing?

Above all, I became aware of things by discovering them. By editing and rereading the book, it's as if I discovered parts of my life. I realized that I had put, in my experience as a supermodel and my life as a woman, techniques to survive happily in this environment. I dissociated completely from the state in which I could find myself. The images suggested that I had full confidence in myself, that I was in control, and if I wasn't doing well, it didn't show. It was almost a form of denial. My editor also allowed me this through conversations we had. There was in particular a short passage where I mentioned a spa where I felt very good because there were only women, that I did not feel "evaluated" there.It was she who insisted on this term and allowed me to understand that this question of being "evaluated" was fundamental to me.

I had techniques to survive happily in this environment

You are not ashamed to show yourself in an unflattering way, like when you find yourself in a villa in Coachella, California, just to keep company with men who like to be around…

This honesty was very important.

I had to be as hard on myself as those who were going to read me could be on me… At the beginning of the process, I was much harder on myself, as if I wanted to punish myself for something.

Punish you for what?

Punishing myself for these situations in which I could find myself, by making me insecure with photographers, or for the fact that I like to attract attention. I could be ashamed of it and blame myself. Then, during the process, which was quite long, I took a slightly less contrasting look, I noticed that my position was more complex, responding to power games that did not depend on my decision alone. By force, I withdrew some of this self-flagellation.

On social networks, you post photos of yourself that are close to perfection.

Wasn't writing this book a way of showing behind the scenes, of saying: "What you see is not reality, or not only reality"?

Absoutely.

I have been extremely frustrated at not being able to react to controversies around me, my image and my career - such as when I revealed that I had been mistreated by a photographer - I had to go to Twitter to answer, explain.

I felt speechless, without the ability to document my own story.

And then I also wanted to show young girls that this image of perfection was not just a path strewn with roses.

It was a bit of a way of saying that all women are in the same boat!

show your vulnerability

You just say you were hated by women. Isn't this feeling that women are hard on each other changing at a time when sisterhood is being advocated?

I think it gets better when women agree to be vulnerable. The relationships then change. Showing your vulnerability can, in my opinion, lead to a revolution! That's kind of what I tried to do with this book. Also, I make it a point of honor now, when I meet or cross paths with one of my peers, not to judge her, to give her the benefit of the doubt.

You have given birth to a baby boy - Syl, to whom you are dedicating this book -, and you recount that astonishing moment during your delivery during which you ask for a mirror to observe your body evolving during labour...

When you give birth to a As a child, there is always that moment when, around you, someone says: "We see his head, we see his head!"

and you, while you have been pushing for sometimes a very long time, you see absolutely nothing.

The work rooms have a mirror for that.

Many women around me have done it.

So I used it to be fully aware of what was going on.

This is very common in the United States, although it may seem strange to you here!

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