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After the birth, madness broke out that no agreement could protect against

He met her on a site searching for a couple for co-parenting, and she seemed like a dream come true - beautiful, smart, fluent and intelligent.

The pregnancy went well, and then the child was born and the problems began.

Men in co-parenting tell of the horrors they went through with the chosen mothers.

Trigger warning

Ronen Daliahu

23/01/2022

23/01/2022

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It started as promising as possible. An innocent message from a woman in a Facebook group looking for a partner for co-parenting. The reactions were not long in coming: a long line of men expressing interest, and rightly so: on the face of it, it was a dream deal: she looks great, writes wonderfully and gives the impression of a peace-loving, comfortable, cordial woman and most importantly, one with whom one can easily communicate. She met Danny about three years ago in a cafe and the click was immediate: they are both hitchhikers, vegetarians, hiking enthusiasts, living in the north of the country, and with a very similar approach to life. After about 3 sessions, the decision was made - going for joint parenting. At first, things flowed smoothly, and they met with a lawyer, who drafted a contract for them that the two had signed. The pregnancy went smoothly and congratulations, 9 months later their joint son was born.

But the idyll between the two did not last long. About three days after the birth she informed him that she did not want him to be present at the alliance, nor any of his family members. Why? "In our family, the tradition is that only the woman's family is present in the covenant." The guy, swallowed the frog, and in order to keep the house safe, 'flowed' with her unusual request. Next, she informed him that she had regretted it and although the agreement stated that the child from the age of two, would also stay with him, for her part - he did not deserve it. Why?

"You're not clean enough. I'm afraid the child will grow up in a polluted environment," she said.

All this, was only a trailer for the madness that took place later.

He said that at some point, he began to smell urine near the door of his house.

At first, he thought it was a cat dumping its water or worse - a passerby who found the door of the house as a legitimate variable.

All attempts to track down the smell - came to naught.

Having no choice, he installed a hidden camera inside the lamp house in the stairwell and after a while realized what had happened - the wonderful woman, the mother of his child, used to empty the contents of a bag full of urine on the doorstep of his apartment.

First, she of course denied, but the photos did not allow her to dodge and she admitted that she had been diagnosed and previously hospitalized in Be'er Ya'akov, taking 400 mg of a pill called Model per day {for treating psychosis}.

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"It had everything I was looking for: a real kindness, a huge heart, and a sense of humor" (Photo: ShutterStock)

He had no clue that the woman with whom he chose to have a child was in fact a woman with psychotic episodes. He goes on to say that the episodes continued, albeit not with the same intensity, but the reality continued to be conducted in a way that was light years different from what he had imagined. For example, she called one morning with screams to his parents and claimed that he tried to run over her, despite the fact that he did not have a car at all. Another time, she called the fire department and complained that the cigarette he was smoking could cause a fire. "I learned to maneuver between her insanity and morbid seizures, what choice do I have? To turn the wheel back - not possible. The main thing is that she is treated sequentially, and is under psychiatric follow-up. And let me tell you something more: Imagine a situation where you were married to such a disturbed person. But people have a mistake - co-parenting is a relationship for all intents and purposes.And mostly committed to maintaining continuous contact. It's not like when you're married, and can leave home one morning - there's a commitment. "

The case described above is quite unusual, but reality shows that more than one parenting together turns out to be a fatal mistake in which the hope of successful parenting, cooperation and a fruitful and collaborative relationship shatters very quickly. The relaxed and peace-loving character disappears, and is replaced by another, abusive, domineering, militant figure with a well-hidden psychiatric past.

Dan also knew the mother of their child in a group dedicated to co-parenting on Facebook and the click was immediate "If I was not gay I would marry her, I thought. Inside me, I was a little in love. Amazing humor. We went through a lot of really cool moments. "

The problem started more or less half a year after birth.

He says that one day she called him hysterically and said that the girl had redness in her penis and accused me of touching her for sexual gratification.

"I told her she's crazy I would never do such a sick act in my life, but she filed a complaint against me with the police, which of course closed. I told myself I would swallow the saliva and move on, because otherwise our parenting would turn into hell," but unfortunately .

"I told her she's crazy I would never have done such a sick thing in my life" (Photo: ShutterStock)

Next she filed another complaint against him, this time, for allegedly photographing his daughter naked while in the shower. This complaint was also closed, but something in it, apparently, was also closed "I stopped talking to her. It all went to the lines of communication in the messages. I can not see the face of this crazy woman. She caused me so much sadness."

Adv. Ronen Daliahu, an expert in family law and one of the top lawyers in Israel in his field, says that this is a very common phenomenon. From the countries he comes to from time to time for his work. She went captive after the love and came to Israel. Soon she became pregnant and had a baby girl. For the treatment of schizophrenia}. Very quickly the past became a present reality, and very serious behavioral problems began, with a serious fear of the child being abducted abroad as well.

There is no doubt, says Adv. Daliahu, that if he had known that this was a woman with such a psychiatric profile, he would not have entered into an engagement with long-term meanings.

"This is an equation with a lot of disappearances, because unlike a long relationship before having a child, in which the parties have the opportunity to observe over time the partner's behavior, the way he makes decisions and how he reacts to different situations. Adv. Daliahu. Therefore, of course, it is necessary to sign a contract for joint parenting, but it must include a solution to a situation in which a dispute arises between the spouses - a mechanism for resolving disputes: a prior agreement on the person to turn to in case of disagreement. A psychologist, a social worker, or any other person who holds the relevant training, or simply someone you trust.

True, Adv. Daliahu clarifies, this mechanism does not neutralize the mental anguish involved in dynamics with a problematic spouse, but can certainly serve as an anchor.

"In the case of co-parenting - the hidden rabbi over the visible" (Photo: ShutterStock)

The fear of entering into joint parenting with a mentally unstable spouse is nesting in quite a few such couples, and some do ask the partner to undergo personality tests and psychological tests. According to psychiatrist Ilan Rabinovich, the reliability of these tests should be taken with a limited guarantee. "The examiner must be in a misrepresentation. To lie without blinking, and to occupy the young psychologist (and sometimes even the experienced one) without taking prisoners."

"There is really no exact way to know in advance how things will be done in co-parenting," he adds. For years he has not necessarily been the right partner for them in raising a child out of their loins. " According to him, a similar personality can be wonderful for companies but common interests but deadly when everyone wants to lead and determine exclusively how exactly their child will grow up.

"There is no doubt that a high personal capacity for anger neutralization / resentment is needed to successfully have shared parenting."

Adv. Daliahu G.M. In a relationship with a marriage, such and / or other problems may arise in some of the parents, including mental problems that can endanger the family unit.

It requires here a combination of a mature personality of the parents, a high level of awareness, the ability to separate the parental dialogue from the private conflicts, and especially a mature and supervised approach to life.

A contract, good as it may be, will not provide an answer. "

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