Screenshot (Photo: Keshet 12)
By body language: this way you will know if you are dating an impostor
Recently, the imposters seem to be filling our TV screens, and catfish on the net has turned from paranoia into a pretty well-founded fear.
Is it possible to identify impersonation already at the correspondence stage?
It turns out that there are some signs that the attorney and mediator in family matters, Barak Zach, who is also an expert in body language, thinks it is worth memorizing
Lightning
27/01/2022
27/01/2022
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Recently we are hearing about more and more acts of fraud and impersonation, mostly of men towards women whose whole desire was to know a nice partner for life.
They put their trust in him, fell in love, and fell big.
Many times professional crooks choose their prey.
Know the weaknesses, do your homework and come prepared with a pre-sewn "costume" that looks perfect on them.
Did you meet an impostor in the app?
Tell us about it
when we hear about such a case, most of us wonder how they did not come up with it before?
How do you trust a person you only knew?
How to give money, bed, love and heart too quickly?
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What is he doing while you thought he was at work? (Photo: ShutterStock)
Suspicious face-to-face behaviors
Most "victims" actually think such a deception, how come we did not see the signs, and did not understand that the one standing in front of us, the one we really wanted to become a life partner, is a crook who just wanted us to serve his interest?
From cases I have dealt with in my work as a family lawyer, I have also encountered long-term impersonations of married couples for years, in which after 20 or 30 years the wife discovers that the husband has another family, whose money regularly passes to a mysterious agent, or at night, while Pity him for doing a double shift, he is hugged in the arms of someone else, a gambler, and more.
The dating world today is different from anything we have known in the past.
If once the work of courtship was embroidered relatively slowly and relatively safely, conversation, meeting, face to face, going out with friends, reaching out to parents, then today the abundance and clutter and stimuli on the net are endless, and with them the many possibilities facing imposters and victims.
Young men and women who now want to meet a partner, sign up for a dating app or a few, and start accepting offers and cataloging, categorizing, flipping and flipping
... "Meat Market", and this is where the impostors' understanding begins that it is relatively easy, and that they should be attractive, especially in the first stage, in order to attract those interested.
Impostor (Photo: ShutterStock)
Attention
Body language is a whole Torah, behavior, a language that most of us have heard of and are already aware of, and those who know it know how to pay attention and pay attention to details and changes, since body language is sometimes felt small. Body language is characterized by all kinds of behaviors, small or large - itching in the nose, rotation of the head, leaning against a wall and so on. It is therefore important to pay attention to any change in the behavior of those in front of us.
Contradictions and physical signs
It is important to say that it is not black and white and there is never 100 percent - it is not always possible to immediately analyze and surpass someone who lies to us only through a sentence he wrote or said. Many times these are half-truths or real things alongside invented and exaggerated additions that the person wants to attribute to himself. It is advisable to examine whether there are discrepancies in the information provided - in conversations and correspondence over time, people tend to relate to the same things and tell about themselves from equal angles, and thus one can "get over" holes in the plot and discrepancies between stories. In addition, a person who swallows saliva many times during a conversation, moves uncomfortably or scratches a lot between the tongue and no one shows any of the indications that he is not telling the truth.
If a person seems to be lying about essential things, one can gently check with him again. Say / write: "I did not understand exactly - what do you do?", "What area do you live in Tel Aviv?", "What is your role in the organization?", "Where do you live abroad?" Etc. Ask questions is legitimate, and if it is Done out of so-called curiosity,It may seem like an attempt to get to know each other in depth.
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Also, a very important thing is to pay attention to the reactions and the level of reactivity.
What does he answer, is it very fast or a few days later?
Does he linger in his answer or answer fluently?
Does he stare while talking or tend to incite him?
Is he talking freely on his cell phone or moving to the side?
Does he ask, examine, seek to learn more about me?
What response comes up when asked about his / her life?
Do I know what sign is less than his profile and characteristics and can he build a coherent figure from it?
Gut feelings
say that gut feelings do not lie.
Know why?
Because our brain protects us when it recognizes that there is no correspondence between the text / text and what the person is really trying to convey and who he really is / body language.
That is, the behavior does not work out for us and then the mind signals us to defend and wake up.
That is why it is very important that you ask questions and examine the reactions with the help of your gut feelings.
Suspects he has a double life? (Photo: ShutterStock)
Suspicious behaviors in apps
Image
in the world of apps and correspondence via SMS and WhatsApp, it is very important to pay attention from the beginning which image is selected - what does it convey?
Does she look credible?
What is the background / landscape?
We all want to look beautiful, but sometimes from the beginning there is a feeling that something in the picture is too good to be true and we knowingly choose to ignore because we want such a partner in fantasy.
At the stage you start sending spontaneous pictures to each other, from everyday life.
"Look what I wore to work", "Dead on the sea and the sunset", "In a pub with friends", "At home with family" - mind you - do they look authentic?
Do they reveal less polished aspects of appearance and personality?
Does he really seem to have a job?
That the apartment he is in is his?
Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves.
Statements and exaggerations
"Stunning", "stunning", "crazy", "must / must / want to live with you", "in love with you", "can not wait for the meeting between us" - are compliments and compliments that we are very pleased to receive. But you have to stop and breathe. He who flatters too fast, wants too much, is too enthusiastic, can also quickly shut down and disappear. Can not either - but it's important not to get carried away with a love story that has not yet begun. Even a person who flatters / flies on himself and does not reveal complex or very flattering things about himself, can be suspicious after a while of acquaintance, as well as someone who expresses excessive feelings and immediately wants to move in together, buy you, do you, travel together and bring some children "Let them be as beautiful as you."
Cross checking
A little "detective work" is required so as not to fall into the trap.
For example, look for the name and the image and make sure that it is not a personality with several faces and names that travels around the world and tries to "fish" those who are easily blinded by a beautiful image.
You can find out where he lives and move there, a workplace he said he works at, check with friends if anyone knows and how you can get an employee there to find out.
Of course everything should be done carefully and pleasantly and not in the style of "suspicious surveillance", but due to the many cases it is really a must to sniff and understand whether the person who pretends to present himself in correspondence between us, is indeed this person.
Deepening
after the correspondences that provide a rather superficial acquaintance, usually move to video calls, and from here it is already possible to examine in more depth the facial expressions and body language.
Barak Zach - Advocate and mediator for family matters, and body language expert (Photo: Dana Ofir)
What if I got on an impostor?
We are emotional human beings, and as soon as we know they have cheated on us or tried to deceive us, everyone will react differently - there are those who will confront firmly and with high intensity, there are those who will record, document and contact the police and attorney, and there are others who choose to sever ties without confrontation. Another reason not to confront a crook is that they are manipulative, and can make the victim feel wronged and refute his claims.Moreover, these people may be aggressive and violent, so as for the question of whether to confront the impostor, the answer is that it is generally advisable not to confront.
"If it is a long-term relationship or a married life, it is sometimes correct to confront and document cases and testimonies," says Adv. Zach. Emphasis on full transparency. Even in case of suspicion, it is recommended to take a deep breath and consult a family lawyer who knows how to identify the signs, as those who cheat will do anything to obscure traces. "
Barak Zach is a family lawyer, mediator and expert. The sentence to decipher in body language.
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