Flowers from Colombia for the world on Valentine's Day 0:52
(CNN Spanish) -
It's official: Valentine's Day has arrived, the day on which you will see how roses, boxes of chocolates, gifts, teddy bears and even marriage proposals multiply.
Yes, it is the date on which most people celebrate love.
And precisely because of that, it comes with its own dose of pressure.
From how to celebrate it if you have a partner to how to survive it if you don't like it or if you're going through a duel that has your heart broken (we know it's real).
Not to mention the pandemic that has complicated the way we live almost two years ago.
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So, before the overflowing enthusiasm for this date begins to generate anxiety or discomfort, we have put together these expert tips so you can get through the 24 hours with the most hearts of the year without major setbacks.
1. There is nothing wrong with feeling pressure
The psychologist and sexologist César Galicia assures that the first step is to recognize that the pressure exists ––regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not––and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling it.
"That pressure is real, it's something that the vast majority of people don't choose," he says.
Either because you need the perfect date with your partner, because you haven't found what to give them, or because it has to be a very romantic day, to the other extreme: you're not with anyone and you don't want to feel alone.
"Almost everyone will feel pressure that day, even those who say they hate Valentine's Day, because they hate it for a reason, the chip is already inside, no one escapes this system," he added.
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In that sense, remember that it is a day that is also linked to consumption, to the fact of buying to show our affection.
“It is a date that is made to turn love into a product, but although we know that, the need behind it is the same that all people have: to feel loved, special, that the moments we are living are worth the pity, that they are beautiful, that we are going to remember them, that there are reasons to celebrate, ”he completed.
So, it's time to live with the pressure to take the next step.
Flowers from Colombia for the world on Valentine's Day 0:52
2. Create a plan for Valentine's Day: here is the power of your decision
Galicia remembers that the last word is in your hands: “You can choose to participate or not, that is your decision”.
Which translates to having a plan that can even change the meaning of celebrating Valentine's Day for you.
And this also includes the fact of simply not wanting to do anything extraordinary and considering that it is just another day.
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If you're single, the expert suggests getting together with your friends, including those in a relationship, and using the day to celebrate your friendship.
Given the pandemic, you can do it virtually or taking precautions to keep everyone safe.
"We are going to turn it around, we are going to celebrate something else... I am going to celebrate what I want," he explains.
If you prefer to be alone, then you can think of it as a date with yourself: watch a movie, relax, think of it as any other day.
There is also the option that this day be used to do what you like the most or some activity that you have not practiced for a long time.
For those in a relationship, sex therapist Sari Cooper told CNN in a previous article that communicating with each other and coming up with a plan together can make a difference.
"Talk to your partner about what you'll like about this day and if you feel Valentine's is important to you," she explained.
“You can create between the two of you a celebration (or not) that is a collaborative event, making compromises for the desires of both and designing a realistic plan in which you make sure that you both feel heard,” he said.
3. Understand what you feel and transform it
Alicia Delicia, an expert psychologist in masturbation, points out that much of the value that Valentine's Day has –especially towards women– “seems to be centered on how successful my sexual-affective relationship is or not.
You have to know that it is very valid to feel all this part of concern, rejection, loneliness.
But it is also healthy to see beyond, especially if you have just ended a relationship, are thinking about doing so or have doubts about your partner.
“The closing I think that in general it can be difficult because they have taught us that it is the most painful.
When a relationship ends it is seen as a failure.
And there comes a lot of pain, thinking what is wrong with me, what the other person did or did not do, ”she says.
But, he adds, it should also be understood that a relationship ends when "there is a point of incompatibility."
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This is where it becomes necessary to rescue the most valuable part of the relationship, pause and say: what did I learn from this relationship.
“That pain that can be felt, now on a physical and mental level, which is good because it is a reminder that we have the capacity to love and that it is a desire.
What is needed is to say where I want to take that love, with whom I want to share it, that it grows, that it feels good”, adds the psychologist.
Along the same lines, César Galicia assures that you have to think of heartbreak “like a hangover” (hangover or hangover).
“A binge doesn't end at the point where you stop drinking.
It ends at the last moment you feel the hangover, and you take it for granted when you decide to get super drunk.
It's the same with love,” he explains.
According to him, a broken heart is an essential part of being in love (which in his analogy would be drunkenness), you cannot have one without the other, you cannot separate them and instead of avoiding it, you have to face it.
"If you think of heartbreak as a hangover, it's easier: this is a natural part of the emotional cocktail that I put into my brain, one day it will end, so I have to see how I can make this natural process less painful."
Go out with your friends, take some time for yourself, do new activities, he suggests.
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4. Add some spice to the routine: try something new
Again, this is something you can do whether you are single or in a relationship.
Therapist Francie Stone had previously told CNN that "one way to increase intimacy on this date is to take a different stance on things and make everything fun."
One that she gives to those in relationships is to put together a basket with suggestive products such as massage oil, a feather, a blindfold and similar objects with the aim of sparking the imagination.
"This helps keep the night playful without necessarily having the pressure of a sexual relationship," she noted.
For her part, Alicia Delicia assures that Valentine's Day can be an opportunity to have a good time with yourself, getting to know you.
As she explains, it is normally thought "that you have to be with another person to be able to give me this kind of pleasure, an incredible experience, which is not the case and is not competition either."
That is why I recommend exploring tastes and discovering pleasure in one's own body.
A nice gift for yourself?
"Give yourself a sex toy," she says.
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5. Embrace your broken heart: heartbreak physically hurts
Broken heart syndrome is a reality and can lead to cardiac consequences, according to the American Heart Association.
"There are links between depression, mental health and heart disease," says the entity.
The well-known broken heart syndrome, also called stress myocardiopathy, can affect you.
Even if you're healthy, says the association.
What is experienced is a “sudden intense chest pain, as a reaction to an increase in stress hormones, which can be caused by an emotional and stressful event.
It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation.”
And there is more.
César Galicia points out that when something romantic does not happen, when we lose a person, the same areas of the brain of physical pain are activated.
“A broken heart hurts.
And it seriously hurts.
Areas of the brain are also activated like in an obsession, that's why you feel nervous, ”he explains.
So first you have to take it seriously and find ways to curb that pain, he says.
Then understand and process that the fact that a partner has left you or you leave a partner “does not mean that you failed”.
And this is the explanation: “We equate love with validation, so when we finish what we feel is that we are not worth it, that we did things wrong and no”.
Something that, in his words, has to be re-educated, has to be released: "If I'm alone, if I don't have a partner, it doesn't mean that nobody loves me, it doesn't mean that I'm not worth it, you have to put all the other dimensions of your life and understand that the romantic is only one of them”.
In short, that relationship and that love do not define you as a human being.
And in the end, February 14 only has 24 hours.
Editor's Note:
This story was originally published on February 14, 2021.
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