Talking to children about the Ukraine war: Psychologist gives tips - "Couping it up doesn't help"

Created: 03/07/2022, 10:17 am

By: Felicitas Bogner

The experts agree: Parents should not leave their children alone with the news.

© dpa

The images of the Ukraine war are omnipresent.

Children are also confronted with it.

Psychologists explain how to talk to them about it - and what to look out for.

Bad Tölz-Wolfratshausen - Elke Wagner is a child and adolescent psychologist with a practice in Sachsenkam.

"How you talk to a child about what's happening in Ukraine depends primarily on their age and psychological state," she says.

There is no clear boundary to be drawn here.

"But I don't think that the current pictures from the news are good for smaller children." Because: "These bad pictures quickly go deep into the children's souls, but never out again," says the expert.

Ukraine war: choose children's news formats as source of information

As an alternative, she recommends special children's news.

"There are now common formats that work up the situation in a child-friendly way and show animations or drawings instead of the actual war pictures." Parents should also make sure once again that the television isn't just on at the same time.

Completely ignoring the topic – Wagner doesn't think that's possible.

Therefore, legal guardians should always be open to dialogue and seek this out with their children.

"Every question has to be answered, but in a child-friendly way."

Ukraine conflict: Declare war on children - involve the living environment

Barbara Hofmann, social worker at the ecumenical educational advice center of Caritas Bad Tölz-Wolfratshausen, recommends including the children's living environment when explaining.

"For example, you can convey the basic conflict to very small children in such a way that it is currently the case between Russia and Ukraine when you have a really bad argument with a friend and can no longer find a solution to solve the conflict yourself," she suggests.

By the way: Everything from the region is now also available in our regular Bad Tölz newsletter.

According to Wagner and Hofmann, it is important to be in contact with the respective educational institutions.

“It is also talked about in schools and even kindergartens.

"You should be informed how far the topic finds room in school," says Hofmann.

Parents should always show their child that they are open to the subject, says Wagner.

“You can also admit yourself when you are afraid.

But as an adult you should still try to be calm.” Hiding your fears wouldn't help.

"Children will notice that anyway," says Wagner.

Ukraine conflict: Raising children to be media literate - that's important

Hofmann appeals to parents to bring up media skills.

"Regardless of what's happening, teaching your kids how to use media and when to turn it off yourself is essential," she says.

But she also knows that many adults do not have this competence themselves.

According to Hofmann, how you talk to your child about the news about the war also depends on their age.

"It's best to keep very young children away from it," she says.

"From a certain age, young people also want to actively inform themselves about it."

Ukraine war: "Children have a completely different processing structure compared to adults"

It is important to address the topic consciously and to ask open questions.

"Some children get everything, some only fragments," says the social worker.

Therefore, one must observe when something comes from the child.

If the children themselves don't say much about it during a conversation, you should consciously leave it at that.

“That is a sign that there is enough information to process,” explains Hofmann.

Because: "Children have a completely different processing structure compared to adults."

Explaining the Ukraine war to children: It is important not to stir up additional fears

It is important not to stir up any additional fears.

"If the child doesn't yet know anything about nuclear weapons, it shouldn't be brought up," says the Caritas employee.

"Everything depends on the fears of adults," says Dr.

Anja Ferrari on that.

She has a psychotherapy practice for children and young people in Tölz.

"It's important for children to have a caregiver who protects them, they shouldn't lose that feeling," says Ferrari.

The task of the caregiver is currently - especially with smaller children - to protect them from unfiltered images from the news raining down on them.

Ukraine conflict: Taking action yourself helps to combat fear

And what helps against insecurity and fears?

"Become active yourself," advises Hofmann.

"The best way to deal with anxiety is to do something like pack non-perishable groceries with the kids," she says.

Ferrari advises always being authentic and honest with children.

"Couping it up doesn't help."

It's important that as an adult you first digest the news yourself and then respond to it in a child-friendly way.” She also recommends: “Always consciously give space to positive things.

We tend to talk things down.

It is important to offer a platform for the talks, but also to break away from them again.” On the one hand, it is important to highlight the positive events, such as the fact that so many people are now helping.

"But even when the weather is nice, just go outside with the children and put their minds to it," says Ferrari.

More current news from the region around Bad Tölz can be found here.