Influencer concealed bad illness for years: In the video interview he describes his suicidal thoughts

Created: 03/25/2022, 20:46

By: Tanja Kipke

In the live interview, the influencer Fabian Nießl gives deep insights into his past and the taboo topic of depression, which should no longer be.

Regensburg – In 2017, influencer Fabian Nießl didn't work anymore: "My grandfather took his own life due to depression," says the 30-year-old in the live stream interview

(see video).

Anyone who sees and experiences Fabian Nießl cannot imagine that he is suffering from an illness: he is a bodybuilder, tattooed everywhere, fitness model, personal trainer.

And influencers.

He has 239,000 followers on Instagram.

Here the Regensburger* openly addresses a taboo topic: "I suffered physically from the depression." Last year he wrote the book "Strong man, very weak".

In it he describes his way out of the depression.

When nothing worked in 2017, Fabian Nießl couldn't even go to the gym anymore.

The only place where the illness wasn't part of his life until then.

He decides to go to a psychiatric clinic.

Because of his muscles and tattoos, however, the senior physician does not take him seriously.

"The doctor smiled smugly and told me not to waste his time."

Influencer Fabian Nießl in a live interview: "I had suicidal thoughts"

You can read part of the live interview with influencer Fabian Nießl here:

Fabian, when did you first notice that something was wrong?

The first time it was actually at the age of 18, so got the diagnosis.

But I noticed years before that something wasn't right.

It was really only in phases.

These phases in which I was simply feeling bad then became longer and longer.

Then I just knew: Okay, this is not just a pubertal upset.

I went to the doctor on my own and was diagnosed with depression relatively quickly - at the age of 18.

Was there a specific trigger for your depression?

My grandfather took his own life due to depression.

But for me there was never really a concrete trigger.

It's just that I've put a lot of pressure on myself, all my life.

I always wanted to be the best.

In everything I do, I always aim to deliver 100 percent.

That was just sometimes too much for me.

Fabian Nießl: "Sometimes I couldn't get out of bed for days"

At first you were reluctant to go to the clinic.

What changed your mind?

In 2017 it was like that, sometimes I couldn’t even get out of bed for days.

The depression got so bad that I suffered physically as well.

When I really lay in bed for 14 days, 16 hours a day and nothing worked at all, I went to my family doctor.

The doctor has known me my whole life and also knows the history of my grandfather.

He then asked me if I had ever thought about ending my life like that.

Unfortunately, I then had to tell him that I had often had these thoughts.

He advised me to go to a clinic.

On the same day I went to a psychiatric clinic in Regensburg.

Fitness model, bodybuilder and influencer Fabian Nießl talks about his depression in a live interview.

© Fabian Niessl

"I didn't want people to see how weak the guy actually is inside."

Fabian Niessl

How was the first day in the clinic?

After the conversation with the family doctor, I drove home and packed my things.

I went to Regensburg with my mum just to ask if there was a place available in the clinic.

We were asked into the office of the chief physician.

When I presented my request to him, he just smiled smugly and made me understand that I shouldn't waste his time.

He just didn't take me seriously because of my muscles and tattoos.

I've never seen my mom so angry in my life.

If you take a step like that and have the courage and then suddenly someone hits you with a plank in the head, that was just a lot for me.

The doctor then understood the seriousness of the situation and graciously called the ward and asked if anything was still available.

Has it often happened to you that people didn't take you seriously or underestimated you because of your appearance?

Yes, that happened very often.

But it's also largely my own fault, because this excessive strength training and the tattoos were a kind of protection for me.

Now it's just my lifestyle, I just think it's beautiful.

Back then, sport was more of a means to an end, just to cover up how I was really feeling.

I didn't want people to see how weak the guy actually is inside.

So I had to outwardly be a strong man.

I have done everything to convey this image that I am doing well.

"Strong man, very weak": Fabian Nießl wants to help people through his book

Fabian, you wrote a book about your illness.

It is titled "Strong Man, Very Weak".

How did you come up with the idea?

I was sitting on my bed in the clinic, it was such a beautiful, sunny day, it was like an inspiration: one day, when I have the strength, I want to write a book.

On the one hand because it allows me to process it again and on the other hand to encourage and help people who are affected by the disease.

Of course, also to give relatives an insight into the life of a mentally ill person.

If you don't have any points of contact yourself, how are you supposed to know why the person acts in such and such a way.

I know that sometimes I was really stupid to my fellow human beings, but not because I wanted to hurt them, but simply because I personally just couldn't give anymore.

I felt too bad.

In public it is a very sensitive topic.

Why do you think depression is still such a taboo?

We live in a crass meritocracy.

It's just like that, you have to constantly step on the gas, you have to work even harder, achieve even more.

There's almost no room for weakness because you're easily replaced with a snap of your fingers.

Of course, sometimes you even want to admit that you are sometimes weak or that you have problems somewhere.

It's still frowned upon by people because very few people know exactly what's behind it.

People talk about this whole topic so casually, about psycho or spanking, which is incredibly hurtful for the people who are affected by it themselves.

That's why I wrote the book to create more enlightenment.

Around 240,000 people follow Fabian's Instagram profile.

You can find out how his followers reacted to Fabian's openness and what his everyday life as an influencer looks like in the video.