Courtesy of those photographed

"It was only at the age of 11 that I realized that my father had been sexually abusing me for years"

Her father sexually assaulted her from age 4 to age 14, and only in the military did she dare to tell.

Since then she has started therapy, started running, and has managed to put him in jail, give birth to a child, and embrace the optimism that will allow her to move on and lead a normal life

Anat.

Nissani

29/04/2022

29/04/2022

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"My father would take me everywhere," she says.

"He was always with me. At age four, it's really one of my first memories, he started touching me sexually. He would always go into the shower with me and touch me, and over the years it got worse and actually became sodomy, rape and more serious offenses. At first I did not even realize it. Wrong.Because we are a religious family, they never talked to us about sexual awareness, so I always thought it was okay, that it's something that happens in every home. "And only then, around the age of 11, did I realize that my father was hurting me."

Odette is from a religious family, a sandwich girl between two sisters.

Her sisters have always been close to her mother, while she remembers almost nothing of her mother as a child.

The memories from her father, however, she will never be able to release.

Although as a child she had no ability to understand the seriousness of her father's actions, Odette reacted to them unconsciously.

From a young age she developed a cleaning disorder that caused her to brush her teeth 10 times a day and take multiple showers.

Already in first grade she also developed eating disorders, did not eat near other people and to this day there are lots of foods she is unable to eat.

But even after she began to understand what her father was doing, and even when educational elements around her realized something was wrong and tried to dub her, Odette was afraid to tell.

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"I was a very unusual girl. Very quiet, no friends. My teacher also noticed my eating disorders, she would sit with me on breaks and try to convince me to eat and ask me if something was happening, but I always said no. In sixth grade, when I actually understood what I was going through. "Suddenly I stopped studying, started smoking and drinking alcohol. From the best girl in the world I became a girl with a lot of behavior problems."

"My sisters were girls themselves, there are no such big differences between us. And my mother? It's an issue in itself. I guess she knew everything, but I prefer not to mess with her."

At age 14, the sexual assault ceased.

In retrospect, Odette says that at that time the school counselor wanted to refer her to a psychologist and so she turned to her mother.

Her mother told her father, and he apparently decided to stop his actions for fear that Odette would speak.

"At that time I did not realize that it had actually stopped. I remember that I was like 'waiting' for the next time and a month passes and two months pass and a year passes and it does not happen, but the fear was all the time," she recalls.

The "silence" she describes lasted for a limited time only, when instead of sexual abuse, her father switched to another type of abuse.

"At 16 I went back to the question and for a year I hid it from my parents, until at 17 my dad found out I smoked on Saturday. That day he just broke me up with blows. He would hit me. "

At those ages, after she has been smoking and drinking alcohol for a few years, Odette starts spending most of her time on the street.

Luckily for her, even though drugs were always around her, it was a red line for her.

But the greatest luck, for

her, was her enlistment in the army.

"At first yes, I did not come home much, but then I moved to do daily, so sometimes I would really go home, sometimes I would sleep at the base, sometimes I would sleep on the street. And the violence did not stop. One day I arrived at the base after sleeping all night on the street, I had a bottle of vodka And I arrived really in a storm of emotions. My commander immediately realized that something was wrong and tried to ask me what happened. The only word I said to her. And there she dropped the token. But she did not press me. It was a kind of process that she kept trying to talk to me and peel me off and slowly for a few months I revealed everything to her. Then we started talking about filing a complaint. She was very supportive of me, "She tried to convince me that I was not guilty, but I did not want to."

Were you ashamed of what happened to you?

"I was both ashamed and always blamed myself. I felt guilty about everything that happened and that when I realized something was wrong, I never tried to do anything to stop it. I know I was a girl and had nothing to do, he also threatened me not to. "I will tell, but I still felt it was my fault. Then there was one day, after he hit me again and I realized it would never stop. I called my headquarters and told her I wanted to file a complaint. I think it was the happiest day of her life."

In contrast to the experience of many other victims who decide to complain, the police treatment of Odette was sensitive and containing, but the reaction from the family - much less.

"My sisters were on my side, but it was hard for my mother to accept it," she says.

"She did not believe me, and there were several other people in the family who thought I was inventing, that I was crazy. My mother never supported me or tried to talk to me about what happened,

Initially, the prosecution closed the case for lack of evidence, and released her father, and only after Odette filed an appeal was it decided to file an indictment against him.

Throughout the trial, her father was under house arrest with his brother in Modi'in, and although he received restraining orders from her, from the family home and from the city of Lod, Odette lived in fear that he would come and try to take revenge on her.

Eventually, after five years, the trial ended and her father was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

"I was more pleased with the moment they ruled him guilty. It was more important to me than the result, because it was like a stamp that I am telling the truth, proof to all the people who did not believe me. In my eyes, even 20 years is not enough. A pretty good result. "

Do you sometimes think about the day he will be released?

What will happen if they suddenly decide to shorten his sentence?

It's also something that happens here quite a bit with sex offenders.

"Look, recently, right last August, his appeal was accepted and they decided to shorten his sentence by 5 years because he is sick and older, he is already over 70 today. Even with the shortening, he has 10 more years left in prison, so I do not think about today "Where he will be released because there is more time. Besides, I'm not sure what his condition will be when the time comes, I do not think he will come out alive from there."

Today, Odette runs a successful daycare center in the city together with the person who employed her immediately after her release, accompanied her throughout the trial and became a kind of adoptive mother of hers.

About a year before the corona she also started giving lectures on her story, and for the past four years has undergone fertility treatments in an attempt to get pregnant.

Three months ago, as mentioned, she gave birth to her eldest son and one of her biggest dreams is to bring more children and start a big family.

"The times I had a relationship it never lasted long. I could not have a relationship and at some point I realized it was something I could not do and did not want. I decided I wanted to have a child alone, that he would not have a father and that I would be the main character in his life. I know "It will be difficult as a single mother, but I want to bring more children and give them a big and good family, to be there for them."

Even today, when her life is already in a completely different place, the injury still accompanies her.

"There are always cases where it floods. It can come suddenly in the middle of the day, it can come at night. Here, now Passover, and this year I take the holiday a little easier because I finally have a family of my own, but every year the holidays are very difficult for me. Holidays it "Family and it always floods me. I have no family, I have no one to celebrate with, even though I have a lot of other people around me. And as a child it was always difficult on holidays because suddenly it's a break from the framework and then it's a week to be at home you do not want to be."

In moments of difficulty and flooding, running is one of the things that helps her the most.

About two years ago, on the recommendation of one of the mothers in the nursery, she came to an experience class in a running group, and became addicted.

"Running takes me, drives me away from all thoughts. Suddenly I have an hour with myself, that I go out for a run and think of nothing. Cleans my head and concentrates only on the achievement I want to achieve, only on getting better. There's something very liberating about that.

In the first Corona closures, When almost nothing could be done, whenever I had a hard time I would go out running. "

On Tuesday, May 11, thousands of women of all ages and from all over the country will take part in three different events of the Life Run race - the Tel Aviv women's race, sponsored by Super-Pharm.

One of the participants in the race is Odet Sahar, 29, from Lod, who only three months ago gave birth to her eldest son.

Participating in a race just three months after birth is a significant challenge in itself, but in Odette's case he dwarfs the real challenges life posed, challenges that are not on the running track but vice versa - only in running does she find refuge from them.

The Life Run race she is about to take part in will be held this year under the title "Domestic Violence Is Not Normal".

The decision to promote awareness of the issue through the race is a continuation of an initiative launched by Super-Pharm nearly a year ago.

As part of the initiative, a secure content complex has been set up within the SuperPharm website, one that will not arouse the suspicion of an abusive spouse, acquaintance or anyone else, and will allow anyone who needs help to receive important information: how to identify domestic abuse From the outside and as an abuser himself), who to contact, how to help victims of violence in your area and more.

As someone who is well aware of how abuse can affect children, Odette also mentions a number of signs that should light a red light in the environment: "Children who are more closed, who may seem scared or abnormal, with all sorts of eating problems, like me, or strange behavior - not all "Such a thing necessarily indicates an injury, but it never hurts to try to ask and find out if something is happening."

"First of all do not carry it alone. Even if you do not want to file a complaint, just look for a close person and share it. It is very liberating and easy. And also to go for treatment. For me it has helped a lot to get rid of guilt, "Seeing myself without it. I could have done a lot of bad things in my life, but I chose to rehabilitate them and rebuild them. I will always carry it with me, but I'm still young, life goes on, and there is no doubt you can recover from it and move on."

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• women

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• harassment

• Domestic violence