Giphy

It turns out that most couples suffer from the same problem, and it is easy to treat

Every relationship has problems, of course, and every relationship is different in its own way - right?

Not necessarily.

Many couple therapies show that most couples mainly suffer from one problem that is relatively easy to fix - when Weinberg explains what it is and how to deal with it

Matthew Weinberg

08/05/2022

08/05/2022

• Share on Facebook

• Share on WhatsApp

• Share on Twitter

• Share on Email

• Share on general

• Comments

  Comments

Many years ago, Dr. Loan Brinzendain of the University of California stunned the world, after examining how many words women say a day compared to men, and found that the differences were huge: men speak an average of 7,000 words a day, while women speak almost three times - no less than 20,000 Words

a day.Many people think that silent men are a cliché that belongs to the eighties, today's men are seemingly progressive, enlightened, and know how to talk about their feelings. Couples because quite a few men have a fundamentally different worldview - they see relationships the way women see the couple or family cell, and most are still confident that being men they should be true to the machoism agenda, mainly because unfortunately that is how they were advocated and educated at home And in their environment.

For their perception of masculinity, they are not supposed to show emotion and sensitivity continuously - they are required to hold on to fashion and be strong, and this trend is especially felt in Israeli society that sanctifies machoism, which largely relies on desire and military heritage.

More on Walla!

Hottest: The rules of the game we learned from Bridgerton

To the full article

More on Walla!

• Violent relationship?

  The big problem in Edith Silman's marriage

Now he remembers talking (Photo: ShutterStock)

These differences between the sexes cause friction in relationships.

Quite a few couples come to my clinic whose long silence has left an abyss in their relationships, friendships, sharing, inclusion and intimacy over the years.

These silences, embedded in the relationship, bring the relationship to erosion, and at the end of the day, the relationship becomes that of two partners living in one apartment.

There are also men who give expression to their feelings, but it should be remembered that an injunction does not only apply to them, and that at the same time there are women who do not know how to contain it.

These are women who are characterized by "male markers" in terms of their approach to challenges, and in their view the world is mainly divided between black and white.

These women tend to think more rationally than emotionally, which is another characteristic that differentiates men from women, and men in such relationships, often feel threatened, an issue that adds to their choice of the procedure of silence and lack of sharing.

For many couples, they do not really have an acute relationship problem - most of the problems they seek to raise are characterized by an inability to communicate, talk, listen and share - all the background noises they experience in the relationship stem from a lack of communication and misunderstanding of each other.

Lack of communication and lack of understanding (Photo: ShutterStock)

So why do men not talk?

"What happened to me if I spoke?", Is a question addressed to me by quite a few men in one-on-one conversations with them.

This is an essential and central motif in the clinic's conversations with men, some of whom also find it difficult to demonstrate and share their feelings.

Some men have testified that in the past, when they tried to speak or answer, the quarrel or argument escalated, so their default is to remain silent.

In such cases they inevitably chose silence because the attempt to have a dialogue did not work or did not serve them, and this habit does not benefit the relationship.

The man who understands that he is doomed to lose an argument, ostensibly knows the patterns of the conversation, and the accusations against him, in the face of what he perceives as the fortification of the spouse in recurring arguments, and between us most conversations and quarrels revolve around the same familiar topics and problems.

Most often, to improve the relationship,

Couples need to practice sharing from a place of desire to listen, because it is the basis required for communication between couples, and it has no substitute, and you should be sure that the other understood what you meant, so that things do not slip into poor interpretation.

Sit comfortably over a cup of coffee (Photo: ShutterStock)

The rules

Make sure

you do not try to make conversations when one of you has just returned from work, or when your spouse is busy with housework or with the children.

Make yourself comfortable times to talk, like at the end of the day leisurely over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.

Create a time window especially for you.

authenticity of sharing is important - learn to tell the truth in a way that will serve the relationship, hence you will also strengthen the sharing and create trust between you.

It is important to be empathetic to the needs, perceptions, and interpretations of the couple - the essence of couple communication is the understanding that the partner's feelings, no matter how uncomfortable, are not directed against us.

when you speak Take a positive attitude, and keep quiet tones.

Instead of concentrating on what is wrong, it is better to find out what can be done differently.

Do not assume that if something bothers you, you are necessarily the one who is right.

Keep in mind that the other side also has a perception of reality that is not the same as yours, and it is important to hear it.

Try to generate empathy and try to understand how things are perceived and interpreted in the eyes of the other side.

not to say "life and death in the hand of the tongue" - there is no doubt that at least in many aspects that build a relationship, this statement is true and relevant.

When things are not said, they produce "layers of frustration" in the stomach, and like a carbonated drink that teens a few times - eventually explode.

The writer is a couple and personal counselor and therapist

• Sheee

• Sex and relationships

Tags

• psychology

• Relationships

• relations

• communication

• women

• Men