"Learning from porn": LGBT youth crave real sex education, but stay out of the equation

Students, experts and studies present the same picture: Sex education for the gay community is outdated, unbudgeted and dependent on the goodwill of the school.

"The talks are aimed at straights, as if LGBT sex is disgusting," say teenagers. The Ministry of Education is building a new program, but in the meantime claims: "The information is on the Internet."

Uri Sela

21/05/2022

Saturday, 21 May 2022, 10:00 Updated: 10:06

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In the video: Horowitz declares the implementation of measures that will facilitate the process of gender reassignment in Israel (Photo: Ministry of Health)

Shai, Tamar, Rokas and Roi spent most of their lives in the education system.

They come from most parts of the country and are educated in schools with a diverse character.

Everyone comes from a different background, but they all share a gender identity or sexual orientation that is not tronormative, and one feeling - a complete lack of adapted sex education.

If in the past the demand was said half-heartedly, today the youth do not hesitate to say what they need.

"Is it possible to be blunt?" Asks Shai Eretz, a 12th grade student in Be'er Ya'akov, and starts firing when the approval is received.

Didn't talk to me about it at all, by any means, and that's what other gays are saying as well.

"In sex education in Israel as a whole, there is no interest in consent and sexual situations that are not tronormative."

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"They did not talk to me about it at all," Shai Eretz (Photo: courtesy of the photographers)

One or two lessons, at best, were devoted to a complex subject throughout the years of the students who spoke with Walla !.

"Talk about the community is very limited. In grades 7-8, let's say there was nothing," says Rokas Michael Dvir, a 12-year-old student from Rehovot who defines himself as a transgender a-binary. Gay, that it exists.

There was no talk at all about trances, certainly not about a-binary.

Gay, lesbian, me, that's it.

"The woman they brought in spoke nicely about straight sexuality, but did not touch LGBT sex, as if it was disgusting. It makes it feel like a taboo," he accuses.

"Conversations are important, but feel like they're aimed at straights - there are people who are different from you, so you get them."

Rocas says all of his community members were forced to learn from porn and dating sites, without instruction.

"A lot of them don't have safe sex. Young gays are exposed to horrible content in the grinder, to big age differences, and the only reason is the lack of sex education. If there was a conversation about the grinder phenomenon they should not have regretted it later."

"We had sex education classes on the human body, but we did not refer to the LGBT field at all, as if it did not exist.

Everything I know I learned from the internet and friends.

I'm in a relationship with a woman and I had to learn how and what to do without any authoritative figure to explain, "Tamar Shalev, a 12th grade student from Be'er Sheva, joined, according to Rokas.

"I have tried as much as possible to take from educational and trusted sources, unlike most people who learn from porn, but it is very difficult to learn about such topics alone and it is a pity that there is no older LGBT character with experience learning about sex and sexuality.

We need to talk more about the female body, how it works, ways of pleasure, what is good and what is less healthy.

People who will tell about their experiences, even if it is not graphic. "

"Had to learn from porn", Rokas Michael Dvir (Photo: Courtesy of those photographed)

The process of discovering the sexual identity of Roi Pikhsov, a resident of Nahariya, began in seventh grade.

Five years have passed since then, and one workshop went through the school through the zoom.

"Luckily I had my mother with whom everything is open, but other children do not have this support, and they do not get it from school. I did not feel recognized at all, as if it did not exist. The workshop dealt with all genders, without emphasizing the differences, without dealing with languages Turning, in sexuality. It's the role of a school to show what it is. They brought us a play about growing up that has a son and a daughter who are friends and this is their first acquaintance.

Although the Ministry of Education provides schools with content that deals with sexual identity, they only scratch the tip of the iceberg.

On the day of the fight against homophobia marked this week, the annual high point of engaging in the gay community, teachers were instructed to ask "How would you feel if you knew your LGBT friend?" And "What does a LGBT boy experience?".

The dive into the content beyond transitions remains a bonus and the exclusive domain of LGBT rights organizations such as Choshen, Iggy and Maabarim, which conduct workshops in schools.

"There is no authoritative figure to explain."

Tamar Shalev (Photo: Official Website, Eilat Harel)

The thought that educators are incapable of guiding students themselves may be unfortunate, but connected to reality.

Teachers and counselors do not have the expertise acquired by the lecturers from the associations and the distance to reduce the gap is large.

The vast majority of the instructors themselves belong to the proud community and know how to tell from their personal experience, and even if they do not - they undergo intensive training before reaching the classrooms, which is budgeted, among other things, by the Ministry of Education.

However, in 45 minutes of a lesson, even the experts can not fill the gap that the students are talking about.

The time frame allows to focus mainly on the basic issues: gender roles, different forms of family and sexual attraction.

"The existing regulation is called education for tolerance. In many workshops this content comes up, but we do not deal with it. From what I know, there are organizations that deal with healthy sexuality, but there is no content that deals with healthy sexuality for the home," says Mor Nahari, CEO of Choshen. The main organization that conducts the workshops in the schools.

According to Nahari, money is at the root of the matter.

The budget regulation that allows the organization to reach schools is one and a half million shekels.

Data from the Ministry of Education show that last year the amount was enough for 5,330 workshops.

"Every year the demand is significantly greater and there are always schools that stay out of the tender," she says.

"This year the budget passed a second before and it left eight days to submit applications, another 1.5 million shekels were added to coalition funds, and still applications were submitted for workshops at almost double the amount. To class once and talked about it is a great start - but not enough to make the education system safe and inclusive for LGBT youth.

"There is no content that deals with healthy sexuality for the home", "Pride Parade in Tel Aviv (Photo: Reuven Castro)

A recent study by the Magnus Hirschfeld Institute of the Iggy Association among 19-12 year old LGBT students reflected the painful situation. The community, and about one-tenth feel comfortable discussing the issue with the pedagogical staff. The study also showed that 48% of schools do not allow students to dress according to their gender identity and 57% do not respect their preferred language of instruction. 5% cited school as one of their main sources They learn about the gay community, after newspapers and books, radio and television and family, with the internet and social media in the first place.The data, according to the researchers, has a direct impact on the experience in educational institutions - including a lack of exposure to positive content and class absences.

"Unfortunately most schools have not yet chosen to put this issue on the educational agenda. We still recognize a lot of apprehension, a lot of outdated perceptions and a lot of gaps in knowledge," said Iggy CEO Ofer Neumann. In becoming a more comfortable place to talk about these issues, deepen and succeed in going through healthier educational processes.Every girl and boy deals with questions of sexual and gender identity, schools must create an educational and beneficial meeting opportunity with it.We make a lot of effort to enter as many schools and girls as possible Together with the teaching staff, this content. "

The study also raises gaps in the mini-LGBT education that students receive. Only 4% of respondents in state-religious education said the school cooperates with gay community organizations compared to 38% in state-educated education, and the number of state-religious education students who learned a positive detail about the proud community is One-third of their counterparts in state education. The differences are noticeable, to a lesser extent, also depending on the socio-economic situation in the locality. In answers concerning learning something positive about the community.

Not just LGBT

"There is no long and orderly sex education in the State of Israel," she states. "There is a small department in the Ministry of Education that deals with protected sexuality and LGBT. Do not expand this unit. The problem is of policy, what do you want to invest in and what do you not. When the state wants to invest in preparation for the IDF, this happens in all schools.

Today, one counselor has to deliver a large program in a few hours, it is impossible and depends on how much it interests her. "

As part of the attempt to change the situation, in the last three years the Ministry of Education has been formulating a new, unpublished sex education program for ninth-eleventh graders. Improving trend.

"We have developmental sexuality programs in the office that are developmentally tailored, we have opened a call for action and efforts are being made," she says.

On the claim that the lessons are only superficial, she replies that "in sexuality education classes less focus on relationship and more on skills and exercise of judgment. When we talk about sex we are not talking about types of sex but about considerations in general. We try not to give intentional examples. Every school "Chooses his way of transmitting content about sexually transmitted diseases and safe sex, there is a general reference to the issue. The rest of the information is available on the Internet or through organizations."

In conclusion, "We have defined it as a subject that needs to be taught, but there are educators who do not know how."

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