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Dad pulls out the closet, mom doesn't accept sexual minority, sighs that Hong Kong's gender education is backward: when can we move forward

2022-05-26T00:11:40.857Z


It has been more than 30 years since Hong Kong passed a draft bill to decriminalize same-sex sexual activity in 1991. Has Hong Kong’s sexual minorities felt tolerated or are they still ignored or even targeted? As a past person, looking at the road to equality of sexual minorities still needs to be


It has been more than 30 years since Hong Kong passed a draft bill to decriminalize same-sex sexual activity in 1991. Has Hong Kong’s sexual minorities felt tolerated or are they still ignored or even targeted?

As a past person, seeing that the road to equality for sexual minorities still has to be easily opened inch by inch. Chen Jing, creative director of Pride Lab, a post-80s-friendly organization for sexual minorities, said that sexual minors often hope to be accepted by their families, but In fact, not every family can do it.


Chen Jing recalled that even though his father took the initiative to pull him out of the closet and supported him to "be himself" in middle school, but later when arguing with his mother, she still said angrily, "Others are normal, you are not normal, others will get married. , you can get married." Chen Jing was so excited that he rushed out the door and wandered outside the house for a long time before calming down.


The different reactions of his parents made Chen Jing even more aware that everything is not inevitable, and the sexual minorities who want to come out to their family members should hope for the best and prepare for the worst at the same time.

Today, the social environment seems to have become enlightened, but when it comes to schools or families, it may be another story. Chen lamented that Hong Kong's gender education is backward, and education on how to deal with intimate relationships is rarely taught in schools: "Tell me about you. Can it become compulsory in schools? It has been talked about for many years... I don't know when Hong Kong will be able to take a step forward."


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Chen Jing was born in the 1980s. He said that when he was growing up, no LGBT people would speak openly. Even the word "homosexual" was not known until middle school.

Gender diversity is even more of a thing that we have only realized in the following years.

Chen Jing was born a woman. Because she liked girls since she was a child, she always thought she was gay. It was only a few years ago that she clarified that she was gender X (non-binary).

Non-binary genders used to think that "girls like girls who are not good" Chen Jing: I can only have a secret love in my life

During the time when he only knew that he liked girls, he liked a female classmate in elementary school, and when he saw another male classmate in the same class start a "crazy pursuit offensive" and gave gifts from time to time, Chen Jing said, "I can't do anything. Well, because I know that girls like girls, I can't even give them a Christmas present."

Recalling that most of the books, movies and TV he watched at that time were "one man and one woman, one family, wanting to get married", even though there were very few movies with "girls" or "boys", in the end it seemed that only "Tragic ending" or two endings of the character's "stubbornness" and the opposite sex marriage, "you will feel that it is nothing (homosexuality), and you will feel that this kind of thing should not be shared with others."

Chen Jing mentioned that when he was growing up, no sexual minorities would speak openly, and even the word "homosexual" was not recognized until middle school.

(Photo by Liao Yanxiong)

Classmates' dating record is bigger than mutual affection, and it should be kept as a secret

"I think it's too gray, that is, it's too discouraged. I like a person who can only have a crush. I thought I would be like this in my entire life." Until graduating from elementary school, Chen Jing did not reveal his thoughts and feelings.

Until he was promoted to a girls' school in middle school, he knew that a senior sister was dating a classmate of the same level, which changed his "so gray" world: "It turns out that girls and girls can be together and fall in love."

However, another incident happened later that made him think otherwise.

In the second year of secondary school, two classmates of the same level as Chen Jing were caught off-campus dating after school by the teacher. At the morning meeting the next day, the teacher announced that the two classmates were going to record a major demerit, "A 'crime' is an inappropriate behavior outside the school. Check." He was startled, even if the classmates could have feelings for each other and date, they still couldn't be known.

Adolescence is pulled out of the closet by father, school does not accept father as "safety net"

Chen Jing mentioned that he has been a "boy head" since middle school, and other people take it for granted that he likes girls, but he never thought about coming out of the closet, "But when I was a teenager, I pulled people out of the closet. It's my dad." Dad suddenly asked Chen Jing if he liked girls. He admitted that he didn't dare to admit it at the time, and he didn't respond to his dad's question, but his dad then said, "It doesn't matter, it's your first time dating, so you can take it with you. A girl returns." Feeling his father's acceptance, he dared to answer, "Okay."

At the time, I thought that the real estate and enterprise department would accept it, but it was not as scary as I imagined... I thought that my father would pull me out of the closet, so I am so lucky that I have a safety net, even though I know the school department on the other hand. Well, okay gay, but I have my house to accept me.

Chen Jing

Chen Jing once participated in the 2017 gay parade with his father.

(File photo / Photo by Yu Junliang)

Mom did not fully accept: "Others are normal, you are not normal"

Chen Jing pointed out that his father's acceptance was like a "safety net" for him, which made him know that even if the outside world may not accept it, his family still accepts and supports him, and his father bears his mother's emotions even more.

In 2017, Chen Jing participated in the gay parade with his father. At that time, he realized that his mother had always been very opposed and worried, for fear that he would not get married or have a next generation.

He described his mother as a more traditional person, and believed that getting married and having children was something women should do. When his mother was growing up, homosexuality was even a "crime", so he understood her mother's disapproval.

But later, my mother met his two partners, and they seemed to be able to get along. Until one time, he had an argument with his mother, and the two quarreled more and more, and the mother said: "Other people are normal, you are not normal, Others will get married, you can get married.”

It was only now that he realized that his mother still couldn't accept it in his heart, "(hearing) I was a big blow for a moment, and I felt so sad all the time." down.

Those words are really sad for me, because I actually think my mother loves me very much for people who I love so much.

Chen Jing

Chen Jing said frankly that he once considered whether he could meet the standard of "normal people" of the public.

(Photo by Liao Yanxiong)

Chen Jing: If I were heterosexual, I should struggle less

Looking back on this dispute, Chen Jing said that the saddest thing is that his mother would rather he be unhappy and want him to be a "normal person". He admitted that he has been a person for more than 30 years. I myself, catering to public standards: "I have thought that if I were heterosexual, I should struggle less and bury myself less... I have thought that if I could relax, it would be fine, but it is not The way, this is not a forced out."

Later, when I was dating again, she (mother) always told me, "You take her there, no problem, I'll be okay"... I'm glad that after our conversations over the past few days, she speaks better than I hear her He was willing to take a step for me to change, even though in his mind, he was not really supportive, but at least he never said the same thing that hurt me again.

Chen Jing

Although her mother did not fully accept it, Chen Jing said that her mother has changed because of this dispute. "The most important thing is that she knows me, and she knows me. Everyone should get along in a way that doesn't hurt everyone." He also understands that "everything is not inevitable", and when a sexual minority comes out of the closet to his family, he will not necessarily receive acceptance and support.

Come out, hope for the best and plan for the worst

"We all hope that no matter what we are, I like gay and good, and I am good with transgender, and my parents will accept me. But in fact, there are too many examples that I can't listen to." Since 2013 Founded Pride Lab with a friend in 2010, Chen Jing came into contact with many different sexual minorities, and heard stories of domestic violence after coming out of the closet. Although today's society seems to be more enlightened than before, a report on sexual minorities, leave a message without comment. Another one-sided swearing, but when the sexual minorities want to come out to their families, the story may not be the same.

Just like the coming out information produced by Pride Lab, you must prepare for bad outcomes before coming out, such as how to deal with violence, and whether there is a place to shelter when you are kicked out of the closet.

Chen Jing said: "We want to use the worst plan, but we all have the best hope, so we remind our gay friends."

I think that every comrade really hopes that his house and business people will accept him... You will really hope that your closest people and closest people will support you, love yourself, and be by your side no matter what you are. Sexual minorities) often wish.

Chen Jing

Schools don’t talk about emotional education Chen Jing: Can you make it a must in school?

Chen Jing finally mentioned that gender education in Hong Kong is backward. Based on school-based principles, schools do not necessarily have to talk about gender/gender or gender diversity issues with students, and even emotional education and education on how to deal with intimate relationships are rarely taught in schools. .

"But this is something that everyone has to go through, especially adolescence, especially young people... Can you tell me if you can make it compulsory in school? It's been said for many years... I don't know when Hong Kong will arrive first. You can take one step forward.”

Chen Jing hopes that Hong Kong will have comprehensive gender education, but I don't know when Hong Kong will be able to take this step forward.

(Photo by Liao Yanxiong)

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Source: hk1

All news articles on 2022-05-26

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