A few months ago I got a surprise phone call from a local TV series production company.
After I answered I was asked if I would like to appear in the role of head of a criminal organization in the second season of the "dubbed" drama series.
Without thinking twice I replied: "It seems to me that you were wrong in the number, I am not Uri Gabriel."
But they insisted they really thought of me.
The role I was offered was relatively limited, but as you know there are no small roles, there are only small actors.
In my case I can say, quite objectively, that this is a game show that combines Marlon Brando and El Pacino with touches of de Niro.
The role in question is that of Kobi Alon, a man devoid of fear and apprehension, who casts his hat on the entire Krayot area and does not get sick of beatings and assassinations so that everyone knows who the owner of the house is.
In the first season, the head of the criminal organization was played by Tzipi Shavit, but she was eliminated before she had time to say SuperCalperGalisticExpiaLidos, and it seems that during the search for someone who would be more threatening than even Tzipi - they came to me.
Because in recent years I have been busy collecting experiences, I went to a meeting with the series' director, Ariel Benabji, where I tried to understand from him what they are looking for in the character and what exactly makes him think that I - someone for whom the phrase "sleep with the fish" refers to knocking With the gefilte - suitable for the job. Ariel explained that Kobi Alon is mainly a very scary person, and when he was interested in who could do the job, he was told that Nitzani is one of the scariest in the area.
I admit I was a little surprised.
To myself I have always seemed to myself a soft, smiling, sympathetic and good-natured type who most people laugh at when they see him, someone who spared not only homeless beggars at intersections but also nudity and cockroaches, a person unable to hurt a fly or demand mosquito protection.
One whose heart aches when he hears the buzz of a butterfly burning in front of the blue light, and unable to think of the possibility of eliminating another person unless it is someone pushing a foreign spoon into the dessert you ordered.
But what I think of myself seems less relevant, and to others I'm scary like Hannibal Lecter or Richard Kill, the guy with the steel teeth in the James Bond movies.
Ariel explained to me that if only I would not smile during the filming, I could perform the scary role perfectly, a sentence that sounds a bit insulting to my dentist.
Ahead of the audition, I watched scary movies, memorized entire scenes of Freddie Kruger and the godfather, and while I was doing night walks, and after making sure there was no one around, I found myself shouting into the street space: ? "
Hoping not to pass exactly on the street a cop or someone from mental health services.
• • •
I was accepted to the challenging position, and after having my clothes measured, I turned to studying the text I needed to know by heart.
It turns out that oral study, like any other muscle in the body, requires practice - something I have had difficulty with since we were forced to recite the song of a bee thoroughly.
A conversation with musician Eric Berman taught me that unlike what I knew from previous cinematic experiences, there are now all sorts of mobile apps that help with learning texts.
You narrate your texts and those of your partners into the phone, then it plays only the texts of the others and allows you to learn yours, and all sorts of other exercises.
I walked around the house with headphones on, answering the app with frightening curses and threatening tones, as the girls of the house walked away from me with looks full of terror or pity.
When the day of the filming came I entered the role of the criminal with relative ease, as if I had always made my enemies a red cap without blinking.
I enjoyed the pampering that accompanies the star in my class, which included mostly a glass of plastic water every ten minutes, courtesy of the water girl, and a lot of waiting, though not in a fancy trailer like in Hollywood but in a room I shared with a meme, 20 extras and 50 wigs.
I was dressed in clothes that fit the figure, I was equipped with a watch of the rich, a gold chain around my neck and a luxurious ring on my finger, and I stopped smiling.
The other actors, the excellent Amos Tamem and Or Ben Melech, made me realize in the shared scenes that I scared them to death, and a very small look in the corner of my eye was enough for my bodyguards to remove the cheeky Amos from my tough face.
Only one police officer, played by Edith Tapperson, did a dirty job for me and worked on me fairly, but you will see that in the series.
The truth is that this is not the first time one of my family members has acted in the film.
My brother participated in the film "The Deer Hunter" with Robert De Niro in the 70's.
Although they did not really meet, my brother's job was to jump in a paratrooper's uniform with a few other extras from a helicopter.
It's a bit hard to spot in the movie, and even if you watch it at a very slow speed, it's not entirely certain that the jumping paratrooper is my brother - who following the disappointment decided to end his acting career as well as jumping from his helicopters, leaving a void in Hollywood.
I also starred in several films in dramatic roles.
Although it is not the presence of Shaike Ofir, Sasson Gabay or Zeev Revach, and the films I participated in can be counted on one hand, but in the 80s I played, for example, in Avi Nesher's film "Breaks" as a dubious and evil film producer, whose main role is to go down In a character named Shafshaf, a messenger played by the late Meir Banai.
• • •
As part of the job I was asked to kick Meir's ass mercilessly, and after ten takes he approached me with the modest politeness that characterized him and asked if I was willing to carry out the kick with a little less determination, because his ass swelled.
In the end, most of this film remains Meir's song (in my own words), known as "Rubbed's song."
I then starred in the trackers' film "Battle for the Committee," but lost in battle with other actors, and my segment, which was originally about three seconds long, remained on the editing room floor - even though it was a thought-provoking craft of ingenious acting.
I also appeared in Yigal Shilon's thriller with the idler duo, "Work in the Eyes", where I played without a pre-written script an Arab refueling at a gas station in Herzliya smearing mud on the windshield of cars of all kinds of innocent celebrities, with a curly red wig.
Luckily I did not get beaten up, perhaps because even the stretchers seemed strange that the refueler had such an excessive wig.
It seems that directors see me as a negative and criminal character (I find it hard to understand why I am not cast as a sensitive and kind-hearted lover), because even in the film "Gesta", directed by Kobi Mehat a few years ago, I was dressed as a prisoner like On Refaeli's criminal and very dysfunctional father .
But after "The Dubbed" I feel like everything is about to change.
The red carpets in Hollywood and Avenue of the Stars are already saving me a spot between Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise.
After "Fauda" and "Tehran" it is clear that Israeli series can break into the world, and if Lior Raz has become an international star, why not me?
What does he have that I do not have, other than a lot of muscle?
It is true that my combat past is more reminiscent of that of Gal Gadot, but no one is perfect.
Hollywood loves Israeli series, Netflix is thirsty for more Israeli faces, and I feel like I'm definitely fit to be the next life Topol or Alon Abutbul, Max I will end up at the end as a Power Ranger.
In the meantime, until I move in next to the Hollywood White Sign, in a mansion with enough space for my entourage and collection of vintage cars - I'm developing my local career.
After three days of filming in Petah Tikva, as Tony Soprano of Kiryat Motzkin, I returned home different.
As with total actors, something of Kobi Alon's character came into me, and when the first lady told me, as usual and without blinking, to tidy up the kitchen - I surprised her with a hard look, playing with my hands an imaginary gun that makes me no longer the rag she knows, and think twice For what she tells me before she receives an offer from me that can not be refused.
I have found that you do not have to smile so much, and that when you transmit toughness you achieve considerable achievements.
So, when I saw the scary look she gave me back, I mumbled that I was sorry, I quickly sorted out the mess in the kitchen and also vacuumed the carpet in the living room, which was not really red.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il
Were we wrong?
Fixed!
If you found an error in the article, we'll be happy for you to share it with us