As has been her habit in recent years, Karin Bauman is sitting in the small, empty room at her mother's house in north Tel Aviv.
The loose pajamas try to protect her shrinking body, and the infusion continues to hang from her vein, insisting on providing the lean flesh and blue-skinned skin from too many stabs with some more essential nutrients.
Already last year, in an interview published in March 2021, we met her in this situation, and since then the roller coaster on which her life is conducted has made her hair thinner than ever, and her teeth - most of which were shredded in the fight between vomiting and compulsive binge eating - even more damaged and missing.
Bauman still speaks slowly and in a whisper, and the tears also barely manage to flow - the result of more than a decade of dealing with anorexia, which brings it closer day by day to the limit of the body's ability to survive.
Her personal diary, the existence of which she had revealed to us the previous time, is still lying beside her on the bed, full of dense, round handwritten texts.
In the pages of the diary she unloads what is on her mind and fantasizes about healthier days, which she also already doubts will ever come.
"A new month, a new week and another new day, and I give another new chance to deal with the disease," she reads in a trembling voice the last texts she has written.
"I wish I could still drink a bottle of 'Anshor' (a drink that is supposed to provide a caloric value of a meal) and not stumble, even though I know it will be difficult - and maybe even if I have to drink two bottles.
"I wish I could recover and gain the life-threatening weight. Take down the walls of fear and recover. Get stronger and start getting used to the self-journey of recovery. Do not go back. But I do not want to promise just because I have a hard time and no help. I am in the same situation, and nothing moves "I so want to get out of depression. Keep helping me and take an interest in me, it helps me. It lifts me up from despair. I can wish for myself to want to survive another day, another week and another month. I do not want to die."
In an interview a year ago you said that on the last page of the diary you wrote "I decided to give up life".
"I did not mean to say then that I wanted to die, but that I accepted that I was probably unable to live. I wanted to live, but could not, and then I began to understand that."
"The agent in Paris commented on me"
Bauman's sad story - which for years was brewed from materials that can simultaneously support gossip, fashion and health - has been extensively told over the years, even in "Israel Today".
She herself never liked to share her dealings with anorexia, until in that random interview in March 2021, where I even intended to interview her mother, Judith Bauman, and her singer-songwriter husband Shimi Tavori, Karin surprisingly agreed to talk about herself and share.
Since then, she has decided to turn her private struggle into a public struggle - peaceful in articles on television and reached (last January) the Knesset Health Committee.
"This year I have found that the responses I get are very empowering. Since I started talking about it, I get a lot of support," she explains in a weak voice.
Has your mood improved since?
"In this disease there are many mood swings. I can wake up in the morning full of despair, but in the end, no matter how much it hurts me and how much I suffer, the desire to live overcomes everything. Always. The fact that I have been fighting for more than ten years."
Judith: "The articles that were published about her greatly affected her mood. Karin has become a symbol of a terrible disease, which is much more common than you think. A lot of people suffer from eating disorders and problematic body image. When you see Karin, you can not ignore, and no one has her appearance. "It does not provoke a reaction in him. The love for her has only grown."
In her days as a model.
"I have to make the switch in body and mind, but I can't," Photo: Coco
Karin, how much do you weigh today?
"This morning I weighed less than 28 kg, and my dream is to reach 40 kg to stabilize. But I'm very far away. I'm already imagining life after. I have a dream where I wear a thin dress, go for a walk, see "People, laughing and feeling the wind. I also want to swim. I love life so much, and I'm imprisoned. I'm near life, they pass in front of me and I can not live them the way I want and imagine. I tell you the dream, I see it with my eyes" .
Do you have any more dreams?
"Yes, to travel the world. But always, throughout my life, I have pledged to help other girls coping with my illness, because only someone who goes through it, like me, can really know what patients with anorexia are going through."
Bauman lives in the rented apartment - and in great need of renovation - of her mother and Shimi Tavori, who himself is desperate for the situation (which we will get to later).
She has five brothers: Orly (44), a past model and mother of three, who lives in London;
Rene (42), a former model who was photographed for international campaigns and now does business in Cyprus;
Anna (40), a former model and mother of two living in London;
Stephen (37), a businessman living in London;
And Natalie (33), a past model and mother of four children.
They were all born in the Netherlands and immigrated to Israel with their mother.
Everyone, except Stephen, worked in modeling and fashion.
Karin, who will be celebrating her 35th birthday in less than two weeks, is the fourth of the brothers.
In her youth she imagined herself walking a life path similar to that of her sisters - a healthy combination of family, career and children - but more than a decade ago she contracted anorexia, and has since been unable to recover or recover.
As time goes on, the fear grows that her fate may star in much sadder sections than the gossip sections.
"When I was young, I imagined myself walking the most important routes of the biggest brands," she said here last year.
"I weighed a little over 50 kg then and prayed to God to make me thin.
Slowly I grew taller and taller, and every time I managed to lose weight, I wanted to lose more.
Later I had an agent in Paris who told me: 'Everything is perfect with you, just lose five kilos, and you will not stop working.' I started to lose more. I lost five kg, and after five I wanted five more, and another five - and I did not stop. "
Twelve years ago, at the age of 23, she was first hospitalized in the anorexia ward at a hospital.
Since then, in fact, she has not parted from her.
She spends more than a third of her life in hospitals, confined most of her days to bed in her room.
Now she aspires to be hospitalized again.
"At first I lost weight through healthy and routine diets, ones that almost every woman has done at least once in her life. Then I switched to fasting. I kept calorie lists. The first time I vomited was in rehearsals for the 'Girl of the Year' contest, when I was almost 17. I wanted to get there as thin as possible. "I remember we had lunch, and I took two bites and immediately went to vomit. One of the contestants heard me and went to report me to the organizers, but they did nothing about it."
Bauman finished the competition as first runner-up, a title that was supposed to officially herald the beginning of her career as a model, but in practice ended in the damn disease.
"I started vomiting more and more. I befriended someone with an eating disorder, and she taught me everything. Vomiting methods, laxatives. I would do everything in secret, no one knew what I was doing. I lost more and more weight, until I started fainting at parties. Friends would bring me back. Home. Mom would ask, 'Why did you come back so early?'
And at one point, when I was 23, when I was 23, I forgot to lock the door, and my mother came in and saw everything. My height is 1.69 meters, and I then weighed 43 kg ".
"I will explode from stomach aches"
Bauman is being treated at Ichilov Hospital in an inpatient counseling ward, where she receives the essential vitamins her body needs through fluids. "In the ward, they help us a lot and keep Karin alive," says Yehudit.
Bauman hears and bursts into heartbreaking cries.
"I'm afraid of gaining weight. I have to make the switch in body and mind, and I'm not succeeding. Readers probably do not understand what my problem is with making the switch, but I'm not succeeding.
"Yesterday I drank one bottle of 'Anshor', and now I'm afraid to drink another. My head and thoughts do not allow me. If I drink - I will explode from abdominal pain. It's a combination of mental and physical problem. "
Unfortunately, I have not noticed an improvement in your situation since the last time we met.
"Since the last time you saw me, my condition has deteriorated even more physically. Yesterday, for example, I fell into a ward. I tried to open the armchair, and I probably did something wrong and flew to the floor. Heard my whole body broke. Mom went to get me just stickers, and I shouted "To her, 'Mom, Mom, Mom.'
Karin also suffers from kidney failure, and according to Judith, "as time goes on, they work less. I did tests to find out if I was suitable to donate to her, but because of my background illnesses I was told I would not eat."
Now Bauman is once again trying to raise the financial means, in an attempt to fly and be hospitalized in a private ward for the treatment of anorexia patients in London.
This is a famous private hospital that saved a lot of girls from death, and the cost of hospitalization is $ 12,000 for just one week.
"I was hospitalized very many times in the eating disorder ward in Tel Hashomer, but I had a hard time there and suffered a lot," she explains, "there were many attempts, but it didn't work. I felt it was a nightmare that got me nowhere."
Judith: "My opinion is that Karin should have overcome herself and made more effort, but I can not force her. At this time she is disappearing in front of my eyes."
It is impossible to force hospitalization?
"We are not allowed to do that, and coercion ultimately does greater damage. Many of those who were forced to be hospitalized when they were released - the damage done to them later was deeper."
Karin: "It scares me the most that my best friends did not survive - and passed away. Many died, and there is no talking about it at all."
How do you deal with the news of companies that have succumbed to the struggle?
"I do not digest it, try not to think about it, because if I get into it it can be very dangerous for me. I am not in a position to contain such cases."
Those who are dealing with the struggle on its economic and mental level are Yehudit and Shimi Tavori, her partner in recent years.
"I can not move from it. The rest of my children beg me to come and visit them abroad, want to see me.
My daughters sometimes need my help, but I can not, "says Yehudit, massaging her daughter's shrunken leg.
"My ambition is to get Karin admitted to a private hospital in London, which is our last hope. It is a hospital for severe anorexia, and its costs are very high. She has a Dutch passport, and I tried to beg and apply, but because it is a private hospital - if we do not bring They will not receive the necessary money. "
The donations you have raised so far have not helped?
"We had donations, and a lot of people came with very good intentions, but it only helped us to survive life here. I keep trying, but it's very difficult. I'm dying to take Karin and put her in a hospital in London. The thought that the daughter's life Mine depend on money I can not get - collapses me. "
Shimi: "In the previous interview you did with Karin, I did not agree to publish the details of our bank account, because I hoped we would be able to manage on our own. Today we are no longer able, and I understand that there is no choice and it is not a shame. ".
Judith: "Our car is barely driving, and we are suffocated. But I'm afraid they will say of us 'Once again they are asking?'"
Shimi: "I turned to almost all the rich people of Israel you know, I tried to harness them to help her, but they have their own considerations and they evade. I do not want to say names, because it is their right. People for whom it is nothing, and for her it is life. If I had millions, I would assistant".
With her mother, Yehudit, and Shimi Tavori in March 2021, Photo: Efrat Eshel
Judith, the thought that you might not be able to save your daughter passes in your head?
"Every day. There's no day I do not think I can save her. I run to her in the middle of the night to check that she's breathing. Every night, at two o'clock, I check that she has not had a cardiac arrest. Every day that ends I ask myself, what will happen tomorrow? What if she is not?
"I want to help, but my hands are tied. If everyone gives a few shekels, we can save her. If I lose Karin, a few days later I too will follow her with heartbreak. I will end my life out of sadness, and no matter what, Because I will not last. "
"Want to be born again"
One morning, almost a year ago, in a moment of debilitating despair, Karin wrote a heartbreaking letter to her mother, in which she informed her that she had decided to give up the war on anorexia and the struggle for life.
"Mom, I want to tell you one last time, with all my heart and sincerely, that I have finally decided to stop trying to fight the disease," she wrote painfully, "I am no longer able and have gone through enough hardships in life. I am still going through a journey of mental distress, "Illness, physically and mentally. I am deteriorating day by day. I know that in your heart you know and are silent to make me strong. You are a good mother, and you also have difficulties and traumas from everything."
Really read and cry.
"It was written the day I was in a very pessimistic mood and I felt I was getting tired of fighting. I did not want to die. If I wanted to, it would have happened a long time ago. For myself, but I ran out of energy. "
On the wall of the room in front of her hangs a picture of her from the days before the illness.
A beautiful and smiling girl is looking there.
"This picture is here to give me hope," she explains, "I would do anything to get back into this situation. I give my all for treatment and do not give up."
In less than two weeks you will be celebrating your 35th birthday. What would you wish for yourself?
"I want to celebrate this birthday in a proper ward - and be born again."
Judith: "I still dream of seeing her enter the canopy."
Eating Disorder - "Quick Detection Helps"
"The damage due to eating disorders can be twofold," explains Dr. Einat Tzobari, director of the Center for the Treatment of Eating Disorders "Citrus" and the hospital was accompanied by a general group. "It can lead to low heart rate, sharp pain, physical imbalance and the like.
At the same time, an eating disorder can cause psychiatric harm, which can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicide attempts.
"The signs of identifying a person with an eating disorder are varied: overeating and body shape, refusing to eat in company, disappearing to the bathroom after a meal, decreased mood, outbursts of anger and closure. Scars on the back of the hand as a result of vomiting, and more.
"When parents recognize that their son or daughter has an eating disorder, they should go to the pediatrician or family doctor, who have short tools for initial diagnosis and the ability to diagnose whether to focus on physical or psychiatric treatment," Dr. Zubari explains. more efficient.
The main remedy for eating disorders is to eat, but it is the remedy that the patient is most afraid of.
Therefore in acute situations one should go to an emergency room or a psychiatric emergency room.
There are not many dedicated frameworks in Israel for the treatment of eating disorders, and any application to such centers includes a long wait and special permits.
Sometimes, in the absence of the ability to turn to a designated setting, they will recommend home hospitalization and eating under full supervision.
"Patients often deny their problem, out of a poor perception of reality when it comes to weight. In such cases, the resilience of the family system, which should support the patient, should be examined."
More information on eating disorders, their treatment and centers can be found on the website of the Israeli Association for Eating Disorders.
Bat-Chen Epstein Elias
erans@israelhayom.co.il
For donations: Discount Bank, Branch 152,
Account number: 30408883. Bit: 050-5988550
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