Reuters

Unhappy: The moment someone else decides how many children you will raise

How does it feel when you have no right to decide what your life will look like?

In light of the apparent abolition of women's right to proactive abortion in the United States, we decided to look at what it looks like in the country.

Anat Nissani

27/05/2022

27/05/2022

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A few years ago I first heard what happens to a woman's body when she reaches menopause.

I'm not a doctor and this is not going to be a scientific explanation, but one of the things that happens in this process, by and large, is that the ovaries stop producing the female sex hormones, and this causes disruptions in all kinds of systems in the body and exposes women to much higher risk of heart attacks, dementia, vascular problems And plenty of other wonderful gifts.

In other words, as long as a woman can have children, her body is mobilized to keep her alive, but as soon as she completes the fertile period - in despair.

Thank you for the service you have filled, you do not need it anymore, you are welcome to start fading in your free time.

I do not come with complaints to nature, yes?

Our body is built for the needs of survival and birth is quite such a need, when looking at humanity as a whole.

But our lives today are no longer a life of survival and we, as human beings, can also see each other as individuals, as creatures with basic rights and not just as a means of creation for future generations.

Right?

True perhaps in theory.

In practice, pregnancy is still one of the most sacred things in society, and a woman's right to decide - not only on her body but on her entire future and on how her life will look - is far less interesting than what can be derived from her womb.

Take a look at what's happening now in the U.S. regarding the right to initiated abortions. Who, 50 years later, one of the judges wrote in a leaked document that "abortion represents a deep moral question" and that "the issue of abortion should be returned to the people's representatives." That is, we will not leave. This complex moral dilemma for the consideration of the woman whose life is going to change in her wake, but we will allow each country to make the decision for her, depending on the political current that dominates her.

If the decision is made and the ruling overturned, what is likely to happen is that at least 22 states in the U.S. will outlaw abortions immediately. Do it illegally or fly to another country.

One can only imagine how many meansless women would risk themselves with domestic methods that we already thought were gone from the world, at least from its western parts.

Meanwhile, by the time the official decision is made, more liberal countries are already preparing to accept women from other countries for initiated abortion procedures and there are also companies like Amazon, Tesla and Starbucks that have announced that they will help fund the travel expenses of their workers in these cases.

But the thought that the most powerful democracy in the world denies half of its population the possibility of making such an important and irreversible decision for itself - simply inconceivable.

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The most powerful democracy in the world denies half of its population the opportunity to make an irreversible decision (Photo: AP)

• And if this is how it looks in Great America, what's going on with us?

  While we are not really Texas, and it is impossible to say that we go back 50 years, it is also impossible to say that much has changed here in the last 50 years.

  According to Israeli law, any woman who wishes to have an abortion, whether in a public hospital or in a private surgical clinic licensed to perform abortions, must go through a committee that will determine for her whether or not she can terminate the pregnancy.

• There are currently 33 committees in hospitals across the country and another 9 committees in surgical clinics, authorized to perform abortions only up to week 12 of pregnancy.

  Each committee has a social worker and two doctors, at least one from the field of gynecology and the other can also be from the field of psychiatry, internal medicine or family medicine (in the surgical clinics there is sometimes only one doctor sitting next to the social worker).

• Since it is a bit difficult to understand what it feels like to stand in front of a committee of strangers and let them make such a decision for you.

  To understand the class a little more deeply, I decided to turn to women who had to go through the "experience."

  The first one I spoke to was Y., one of those women for whom, ostensibly, the situation is supposed to be nothing more than a bureaucratic procedure, as it meets the second section of the only 5 criteria by which the committees are allowed to approve termination of pregnancy:

• 1. When a woman has not yet turned 18 or when she is over 40 years old.

• 2. When the wife is not married or when the pregnancy is not from her husband.

• 3. When the pregnancy results from a prohibited relationship by law such as rape or incest.

• 4. When there is a risk of physical / mental malformation in the fetus.

• 5. When the pregnancy may harm the woman or endanger her physically / mentally.

• For her it was supposed to be quick, easy and simple, and although she eventually got the approval, she defines the past experience as humiliating.

  "I was 31 then, divorced plus a child," she says. "It was very difficult, and everything was joined by a very difficult period of crisis for my son, so I knew that I was not able to bring another child now, that it would bring me to a bad place."

• What happened to the committee itself?

• "There were four people sitting there, three doctors and a social worker. The doctors tried to tell me that every pregnancy is different and it is impossible to know what it will be like this time, even though I was already almost ninth week and suffered almost everything I had in my first pregnancy. That this is not a sufficient reason and that my son will get used to having a brother or sister. It felt very unpleasant, very unacceptable. "

In 2020, out of 17,548 applications, only 197 were not approved (Photo: AP)

Sounds also very trending, really trying to convince you to change the decision.

"Yes. And also criticizing my mothers, telling me that one child is not a good enough reason to" cancel "the other child. Now, even so I came with a divided opinion. I did not go wholeheartedly, it is something that goes against my faith and attitude Mine, but it's the decision I made. So to come when you've unsettled anyway and to hear how wrong you are from them too, it's really hard. I do not think they understand how difficult the decision is. "The consequences, do not take it too seriously. I do not think there is anyone who does it easily."

In addition to the attempts at persuasion, Y. says that she underwent a humiliating interrogation regarding her private life and her relationship with her new spouse.

"The social worker tried to figure out if I supported him, where I lived and in what form, if he wanted the child or did not want him."

"Because it's none of their business. It does not concern them in any way. And if I have four spouses and I do not know who the child is? I did not feel comfortable that I should go into these details at all. It is not their job. It has nothing to do with what is currently happening in the womb. Mine, which they are supposed to decide on. "

Like Y. there are many other women who tell of unpleasant interrogations, persuasive journeys and general tactless tactics, empathy or a minimum of sensitivity that we would expect to receive in such a situation.

And this is even more so in cases where they meet the conditions for obtaining approval from the committee.

What happens to a woman who does not meet them?

A married woman, in her twenties or thirties, who just does not want to get pregnant?

The data from the Ministry of Health tell of an absolute majority of women who receive a permit.

In 2020, for example, out of 17,548 applications, only 197 were not approved.

These are "only" 197 women who did not want to have a child, and found that their desire was irrelevant.

And that's only in one year.

A year earlier, these were 182 women.

One of them is N., who was then the mother of one girl, and became pregnant with a second.

"It was a planned pregnancy, but then we found out we had twins. We were in the market. Always when I thought about our family two or three years ahead, I imagined us traveling in a car and me looking at the back seat, and seeing two children and a dog. That is. It was clear to both of us that we only wanted two children. It's totally enough for us and good for us. We consulted an amazing private doctor and decided to do an embryo thinning. It also gave us more time to think about it and understand that we are complete with the decision. "

N. and her husband made an appointment for a committee at one of the hospitals.

When a donor arrived, the social worker went through all the medical forms with them, and asked N. what was the reason why she wanted to undergo fetal dilution.

N. answered: Family planning.

Something we would expect a woman to have legitimacy to decide on, no?

But according to the social worker, family planning is not a good enough reason.

Why?

Because there is no such option in the form.

"She showed me the rubrics she was supposed to mark so I could see there was no such option, and I just looked at her in the market and burst into tears. She told me, 'I personally understand you, but it does not work that way,'" and when I started crying even more she said, " "Well, look, it's twins, it's not a threesome." Then she took all our details to the committee and a few minutes later came back and told us she was sorry, but they did not approve. "

I do not want three children, why should you decide how many I will have? (Photo: AP)

That is, you do not even enter the committee itself?

"No. There was no point in her either. Planning a family is not a reason and medically everything is fine. She told me in advance that they would not approve it. I started shaking all over, I told her, 'I do not understand, you do not approve?

Does that mean I have to give birth to two? "And she says to me," Yes. "But I do not want three children, why would you decide how many I will have?

"No. We also asked my doctor if there was anything we might need to say, because it is well known that there are women who come to the committee and lie to agree with them. But he said no. That pregnancy with twins is by definition a pregnancy at risk, even if there is no medical drama, Reason for not being approved. Beyond that, in my case I could not lie that I betrayed my husband, as some women say, because I wanted to do thinning, not abortion. So what can I say? I betrayed my husband but I want to keep one as a souvenir? And regardless I think it's shocking To lie in committee. Why do we have to lie in the first place to get permission for our body? It's not easy to stand there and lie when you are interrogated from all directions. It's not small. Even if you are approved immediately, even if you get what you want. "In my eyes. Certainly if you are a mature and mentally healthy woman."

When N. returns to the moment of refusal she describes a kind of out-of-body experience, one in which she looks down on herself, sees everything happening in slow motion and feels that this is it, her life is over.

From now on nothing will be the same.

At that moment she and her husband decide to fight for their lives and pick up phones at every possible hospital in order to enter another committee on the same day, because by law, if a refusal is received from the committee, another committee can be contacted.

"In the end we managed to get a queue for the committee somewhere else, and I see the women in front of me in line come out with some kind of well-being on their faces, because they got what they wanted, and I pray to God I get what I want too. We waited two hours, we were last in line, and I tremble I can not stand, my husband drags me. The social worker asked us what the reason was, and we had already abandoned the reason for family planning because we realized it did not work, so we told her that because it's a pregnancy at risk it's very stressful for us. Everything seemed fine from a health point of view and I immediately started crying again. I told her: "Please, help me." So she said: "Of course we try to help every woman, but listen, you're taking a child's life here, I need a good reason."

Throughout our conversation, when N. repeats the same day, she occasionally stops when the tears flood her.

At this moment she can no longer stop them.

"I told her, 'But why are you saying that?'

I'm in week 13, not in the ninth month, it's not a child. What she could and went out, and I told my husband that if they refused here too I would stand in the hallway and shout that I was going to commit suicide. We waited longer ... I do not know how long, and then it was our turn. "They asked me if I was okay, I said no. There were a few more muffled voices and the next thing I remember is that they say: We approve of you, but only because we believe you have a right to your body."

Then I got down on my knees, on the rug, and said to her, "Look at me, I beg you to help me," and my husband started yelling, "Look what you are doing to my wife!" (Photo: GettyImages)

How did you feel at that moment?

"The first thing that came to my mind was this: Wow, I have to say thank you to them and kiss their legs, they are saving my life. On the other hand, if you believe I have a right to my body then why move me ten rounds of hell?"

"Definitely not. We drove in the car some time ago and when we were standing at the traffic light I looked in the back seat and saw two children and a dog, exactly what I imagined and wanted. So I really do not regret. It was very true for me and us. But there is no doubt that being in this position is terrible. "To be like that. It's clear to me that there are also amazing social facts, I'm a social worker and it's an amazing profession with a mission. But wow, something needs to change there."

The question of what needs to be done and especially what can be changed in abortion committees does not have a simple answer, but it is clear that the change needs to be made at the legislative level.

Until that happens, the experience is a kind of "Russian roulette" - depending on who you fall for.

Some women have been privileged to receive from the committee members a supportive, sensitive and inclusive attitude, but this of course does not negate the difficult stories and the basic fact that the decision, in the end, is not in your hands.

"It's not clear to me why a social worker should not go in the first place towards a patient who wants to terminate a pregnancy. I also do not understand the committees that come into their lives," says T., a social worker who several years ago worked for a short term in a private clinic.

"On the other hand, in the end it's all bureaucracy. You have to write what appears on the form. Then a woman can lie that she has betrayed her husband, but then the husband can use it in the future in case of divorce. She can say she fears it will hurt her mental state. "Write it down and write a few sentences. If she decides it's a fetus it's a fetus. There are all sorts of ways to play with it, including doctors instructing the woman to take drugs that should not be taken during pregnancy and approving a section on fetal danger."

"In the short time I worked on the committee we never said 'we refuse.' "You can not write an excuse, it must be one of the options approved by law. So we tell you all the options and you have to go, think what you are willing to have written and then come back. We have no other choice."

"Until week 12 no. I agree that in week 20 if someone wants to have an abortion it is more complicated. With that I have more tummy tuck. But until week 12 you have to let each woman choose for herself."

Another angle on the subject is brought by D., a registered nurse who also worked as a nursing teacher, took part in the management of nursing and in the supervision of the field of obstetrics and gynecology in one of the hospitals in the country.

As part of her role, she has accompanied women to the committee in a number of different cases and in her opinion, the committee is a vital step on the way to terminating a pregnancy:

"Termination of pregnancy is a very complex issue that has very significant long-term health implications "Because they understand these consequences. In addition, a lot of young people come to these committees, most of whom have no idea, they just want to get rid of it. So I'm not saying you need a committee to force them to give birth, but you need it to provide them with some guidance."

"Maybe a nurse will accompany the patient, because one of the things nurses learn is how to understand the patient, brief him, become his mouthpiece when he is in distress and preserve his rights. And maybe the committees need to be monitored more, identify where there is a problem. Cases and refuses, so one has to go into the thickness of the beam and see what it is about, who the functionaries are there. Because it all depends on the composition of the committee. And of course give them empathic treatment, understanding, knowing to contain them. But it should be in the awareness of all the professionals who have a touch of interest. "

Termination of pregnancy is a very complex issue that has very significant implications for a woman's health in the long run, (Photo: AP)

There is no response from the Ministry of Health

Health Minister Nitzan Horowitz is known for supporting a woman's right to her body.

It has previously been reported that he intends to lead a general reform to facilitate the procedure, and even support the implementation of abortions until the 12th week without a committee.

Unfortunately, despite a number of inquiries in which we asked to hear where things stand today, we did not receive the Minister's response, and perhaps that sums up the whole problem.

In recent months, a petition has been circulated calling for the abolition of abortion committees and a request to Minister Horowitz to amend the law.

In my personal opinion, the amount of signatures should be much greater than it is today, and much greater than the final target set.

To sign the petition, click here.

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Tags

• pregnancy

• abortion

• women

• Human Rights