End of course, WhatsApp and gifts to teachers: is it getting out of hand?

Many times, as a parent, one finds himself in the dilemma of not being the "weird" of the group or having his son singled out for not giving gifts.

However, those who are against giving gifts, for whatever reason, feel pressured by the group and then, what is taught to children if parents keep silent about an opinion or disagreement in front of others?

Should one act being true to one's convictions or give away just because and blur the meaning?

This is the case of Aitor Arrilucea, a plumber and father of a four-year-old boy and a three-year-old: “We hold meetings to present some topics of the course and not this one, even if it's just over coffee.

And those of us who have more than one child?

Go adding.

In addition, even if they tell you that you are not obliged to participate, the fact of leaving the group penalizes you in some way, ”explains Arrilucea,

More information

'Surprise, surprise!'

|Have gifts to teachers become an obligation?

For his part, Kevin Van Wijk, a Dutch basketball player and father of a six-year-old boy, believes that the theme of gifts should be based on what the teacher means to children and parents.

“If the teacher does a good job, you can consider giving him a gift.

However, being an educator is a profession like any other.

In my case, if I play a good game, no one comes to pay me for dinner.

Someone can do it on a specific occasion, but not as a rule, ”says Van Wijk.

And he adds that it is fine to spend two or three euros per family, although you can remember not to give away each year.

In the Netherlands, his country of origin, this topic is not addressed in a group.

“If a parent wants to give a gift to the teacher on a private level, fine.

But when I was a child, this was not done, less if the teacher did not like you”, analyzes the basketball player.

Giving the teacher a gift, a fashion that has gained strength in recent years

Alma García, a graduate in Teaching and a graduate in Psychopedagogy, speaks of fashion in recent years with regard to this type of gift.

“When this happens, authenticity is lost and giving is something truly authentic.

Giving is an extra that is done to please, establish a bond, improve a relationship or thank you.

You give away because you want to”, says the expert in child development, emotional therapy and learning therapy.

In times past, if there was a real bond with a teacher, he would notice it.

Today parents can speak ill of teachers and give them away at the end of the course.

Faced with this, García, with a background in neuroscience, clarifies that we send contradictory messages to our children and forget that they act by imitation and repetition.

“We have ritualized something that has to be voluntary”, explains this educational psychologist.

I've been fighting all afternoon in the group of parents / mothers of the nursery.

As soon as I talked about putting money for gifts for the teacher (who is also going to be a mother) one has already left without even saying goodbye... pic.twitter.com/OeU5LWN0MY

– Mommy Kuki Loki (@miska_muska_) June 9, 2020

Indeed, "it seems that the act of giving a gift to a teacher is institutionalized," says Alexia Eiras, a secondary school teacher in Ourense (Galicia) and the mother of a child who is in sixth year of Early Childhood Education (equivalent to third year of Early Childhood Education in other parts of Spain).

“Many of us are embarrassed to receive gifts.

It is usually done more in infant and primary.

I am not against giving it away, although it would be better for children to prepare something that was born for them and have fun doing it, ”she reflects.

Cristina Navarro, a supermarket employee and mother of a six-year-old girl, is clear about it and interprets that, given a good experience with the tutor, the gift is viable.

But she indicates that in her group the parents decided to prepare something where her children were present and they commissioned a story with photos of the children, them being the characters.

"I think it's something more personal and emotional and the teacher can remind her students of her," says Navarro.

“Giving gifts is a very personal matter and each parent must be able to decide without pressure,” says Lorena Cid, a civil guard, whose eldest daughter is finishing sixth grade.

“In our group it was made clear from the beginning that it was not compulsory and that is how I see it.

I think that with what we give to the teacher, he can feel alluded to his work, ”argues Cid.

Well, I have messed up my head and I have said in the whatsapp group of the child's school that it seems excessive to me to put €10 each for a gift to the teacher and that all families cannot afford that expense.

It's just €250!

Well, I think I've been fatal...

– Fulcanelli (@Fulcanelli_jung) May 31, 2022

Faced with this dilemma, many parents even express their concern in therapy.

"To give gifts you have to ask yourself about the motivation, such as the treatment of children... The gift means giving thanks," says Sandra García, a health psychologist and psychotherapist.

The expert emphasizes that parents must be clear about the values ​​to transmit to their children so that they act with others in the future, in a spontaneous, emotional, forced or material way.

“It is nice that the minors express themselves naturally and the teacher will give value.

Surely each of us can remember that educator who marked us in our childhood and why he did it, such as a caress or a smile.

Giving away something material cannot surprise us when children ask for it for their grades”, concludes this psychologist.

Finally, Silvia Fernández, responsible for quality and administration, does not find it necessary or ethical to give someone a gift for carrying out their profession.

“In private companies and certain positions of responsibility, it must be signed that gifts are not accepted.

In the public sphere, I believe that we are so used to receiving inappropriate treatment that when something is merely normal, it seems extraordinary to us and we believe that we are obliged to give thanks with a gift,” explains Fernández, the mother of a six-year-old boy.

For her it is an issue that concerns children and she thinks that adults should be on the sidelines.

“It is very difficult to make a child understand that you are going to do something different from others on principle.

So most of us, even if we don't agree with the fact, we accept.

I think that something material by internal rule and by decree,

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