Polygamy in Senegal: Oppression or Feminism?

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Fatou Bintou Sarr (right) lives in a polygamy, and her daughter-in-law (left) now has to find a second wife for her husband

Photo: Ricci Shryock / DER SPIEGEL

Fatou Cisse, Dakar: "The polygamous household gives me freedoms that I would not otherwise have"

“I am my husband's third wife.

One of my co-wives lives in France, the other in eastern Senegal.

My husband travels a lot.

When he's in Senegal he's mostly busy in Dakar – so my co-wife comes to me from the east of the country, we live together during that time, which makes it easier for my husband.

My husband and I have two children together, he has three children with his first wife and another child with the other wife.

Polygamy is widespread here in Senegal, especially among Muslims, and is legally permitted.

I've always expected to be polygamous at some point.

Even if I had been the first wife, at some point my husband would most likely have married other women, up to four are allowed.

That's why I got used to the idea very early on.

Nevertheless, I was not a friend of the concept until my studies.

I always thought being polygamous wasn't going to be easy.

But in the end I made a conscious decision to do it.

The polygamous household gives me freedoms that I would not otherwise have.

Here in Senegal, as a wife, it is expected that you will always be there for your husband and, on top of that, take care of his family.

That's how tradition wants it.

But I also want to have time for myself, to pursue my own interests, to be independent.

I studied Gender Studies and Sociology, I travel a lot for work.

That's why I can't always be there for my husband.

So polygamy was the best option for me because it allows me to share the burden with the other women.

If a husband lives with several wives, then there must be clear rules and conditions.

They have to ensure equality among all women, there must be no preferences.

But that's not always easy, especially men find it difficult.

It also often happens that the women do not show solidarity with each other, instead of working together, there are rivalries.

Of course the kids get that too.

I try to prevent that by making life as comfortable as possible for my co-wife when she lives with me.

She should feel comfortable in my apartment, then we share everything.

But of course I know it's not easy for her, I'll say that frankly.

She's jealous sometimes, I can tell.

Once I overheard her arguing with our husband.

It was about him supposedly preferring me.

Of course he denied it.

Our children are in boarding school, they don't get that much of our everyday life.

But when my husband is in town, I try to bring her over to our house as often as possible.

They then play with my co-wife's child, there are no problems.

The Western view of polygamy annoys me.

It is often said that polygamy is a form of inequality, of the oppression of women.

But I don't see it that way, I'm a supporter of the concept, at least in the current societal circumstances.

Because it gives women more privacy, more independence and freedom.

I think many opponents of polygamy have a double standard.

They reject the concept and still have secret lovers.

It's widespread in Europe.

The wife is treated well and the hidden lover has no rights.

I would rather live polygamously than with a husband who secretly cheats on me.

But I'll also say quite honestly: If the social circumstances were different and I, as a woman, didn't have to take care of my husband and his family, if I didn't have to run the household on my own, then I would rather live a monogamous life.

But since that's not the case, I prefer polygamy.

My husband is in town right now.

I have to travel to the south of the country soon and have suggested that he cancel the trip so that I can spend time with him.

But he said I shouldn't be considerate of him, he didn't want to be a block on my leg and my career.

It is interesting that more and more educated women from my circle of acquaintances want to live polygamously.

There are also practical reasons for this.

Many university graduates are a bit older.

It is then difficult here in Senegal to find a man.

Most guys want younger women as first wives.

So the academics have no choice but to become their second wife.

It's becoming more and more common.«

Fa Gueye Ndiaye, Thies: "I know I'm prettier than my co-wife"

»My husband and I have been married for 20 years.

After the third child came, he took a second wife.

Luckily, there were never any major problems or arguments with my co-wife.

She is like a sister to me.

Her eldest daughter is named after my mother, that's how close we are.

When I'm tired, I sometimes go to her room and we share a bed.

I wear her clothes and she wears mine.

I was never really jealous either, because when she came into our marriage I was a bit older.

You see things more calmly there.

But I know a lot of women who don't deal with it very well and have run away from home.

But I'll stay with my husband until one of us dies.

I like to dress very smartly.

And I know I'm prettier than my co-wife (laughs).

This is my weapon.

My husband loves and respects me.

At least he can't take another wife, he's old, tired and out of money."

Fatou Bintou Sarr, Saint-Louis: »Each of his wives had two days a week, so it was always alternating«

»I was married for 20 years as my husband's third wife, but unfortunately he has now passed away.

He was always very jealous when we were together, so I had to be very careful.

But when he was with the other women, I had my freedom.

Then I could get dressed up, put on make-up and had time for my friends.

Each of his wives had two days a week, so it was always alternating, he moved from one to the other.

He used to be rich, so he paid us all our own house.

But then he retired, the money ran out and we wives had to move into a house together.

It was very difficult at the beginning, there was a lot of competition between us, but I was always able to defend myself well.

I've never allowed others to beat me down.

I can still remember it well: When he was still earning really well, he often came home with presents.

Once he brought me a Walkman with headphones.

At the time, I often got angry when he disappeared into the other women's room, because of course I knew what was happening there.

So I put my Walkman on and turned the music up really loud.

Then at least I couldn't hear what was happening on the other side of the wall.

Funnily enough, one of the other two women is now my good friend, and as you get older you soften up a bit.

She now lives in her own house again.

I'll go to her right after the interview, she's sick at the moment, I'll feed her up a bit.

My children even lived with her for a while, and they still see her as a second mother.

We are all polygamists here in town, there was nothing to discuss back then, that was just the way it was.

Of course, if I had had the choice, I would have preferred to have my husband to myself - who doesn't want that?

It was challenging always having to compete against the other wives.

But that's also where you get to know your true strengths.

My daughter-in-law is sitting here next to me, she doesn't really want to live a polygamous life anymore.

But my son insists, and now she's supposed to look for a second wife herself.

So she can at least decide with whom she has to share her husband in the future.

She is looking for a quiet, nice woman who can get things done.«

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