Courtesy of those photographed
"I felt like an impostor": the man who made me delete the apps
Every single woman in Israel has countless horror stories about repulsive men in dating apps.
Some of them have decided to put an end to it, and we are completely in favor.
Special summer project: The man who made me delete the apps.
Genre: Horror & Cringe
Sheee system
01/07/2022
01/07/2022
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Name:
Hagit Kozi.
Age:
36.
Residence:
Ramla.
Last contact:
Ended three months ago.
Favorite apps:
OK-Cupid.
Total time in apps:
a year and a half.
Total time without apps:
a break of a month and a half a year ago, and another break for a week and a half that ended a few days ago.
Riddle:
How can it be that a 36-year-old woman has so far "spent" a total of only a year and a half on apps?
What did she do before this year and a half?
How did she know ?!
Answer:
She was just married.
But do not worry, even in this short time (relative to many others and others), she has managed to amass enough horror stories, including one particularly stressful:
Hagit divorced about 4 years ago, and after a "cooling off period" in which she did not really feel like entering into a new relationship, she decided she was ready to give another chance to the relationship and signed up for Oki Cupid.
That was about a year and a half ago, the Corona was still present in our lives, and many app users avoided face-to-face encounters.
In a sense, it was really a heyday of apps because as far as the option to meet was irrelevant, there was no choice but to talk in apps and get to know a little more.
But as time went on, under the auspices of the Corona and the closed places of entertainment, the offers for "home meetings" increased.
"Ask me: Okay, what are you looking for here? Fuck and babysitter for a child?" (Photo: Courtesy of the photographers)
Hagit, who as mentioned was completely new to the world of apps, was less connected to this change.
"I'm not one of those people who rushes to a meeting. It may seem tiring and men in the app less want to talk, but I want to meet before I meet. I was not prepared for the 'normal' situation, where the so-called acceptable acceptance - which is really unacceptable - is: Jump on me, "she says.
"But the obscene offers came very, very quickly."
To her surprise, Hagit discovered that her status only makes such offers come faster.
"There's something about a divorced woman that makes men think that's what she's looking for. Many times I've been told this explicitly. They asked me: 'Okay, what are you looking for here? Fuck and babysitter for a child?'
The next thing Hagit was exposed to was the amount of lies: "Man, are you looking for a fling? Say you're looking for a fling.
It is said that women lie about their age but men?
"Wow, how much do they do that?"
But the biggest lie Hagit has encountered so far, the one that also caused her to delete the app, was already on the verge of impersonation.
"I started corresponding with someone on the app, the day after we switched to WhatsApp and then we started talking a bit on the phone. He was just then on a weekend in Eilat and we arranged to meet when he returned.
At first nothing seemed too strange to me, his pictures looked like they had a filter here, a filter there, something we all sin against, nothing more.
But already in the first conversation something did not work out for me.
Sometimes when you hear a person's voice you recognize that it does not fit the way he looks, and that's how I felt.
That there is no situation in which the voice I hear belongs to this face. "
And this is the stage you began to suspect?
"Yes. Something felt very strange to me. Very creepy. I also consulted with a friend and sent her his pictures, I told her: Listen, something scares me, something seems wrong to me. So I decided to start investigating. In conversations with him he was very proud of his business and talked "About the company he works for, so I started looking for him a bit, because I could not find him on the networks. I came across his videos on YouTube, standing and talking, and I hear that the voice is the same, but the face is completely different."
"He uploaded photos of himself, but ragged at the level of changing facial features" (Photo: Courtesy of the photographers)
What do you mean?
Did he use the app on someone else's photos?
"No, he uploaded pictures of himself, but ragged at the level of changing facial features. It often happens that people do not look like in their pictures - either they are not particularly photogenic or the picture is old, but still see that it is the same person. Here it was just a murderous retouch. A completely different face. And another worrying thing is that when I kept digging and finally got to his profile on Instagram and Facebook, I saw that everywhere on the net where he appears, his name is a little different. "I told him I was not interested in continuing and I blocked him. I have no idea what the story behind it was, if he was married or what he was trying to hide, I just blocked."
And following this story did you decide to delete the app?
"The next day I said to myself: Well, listen, it's getting dangerous already. I started running scenarios in my head - what would happen if we met, why would I go in. It's beyond the fact that you suddenly dislike what the person looks like. It's thinking what kind of person can lie on a level. "How dangerous it is. Anyone who lies about such a thing can lie about anything."
Perverts, criminals, imposters - you can also meet them outside of apps.
So why delete them?
"Because in apps it's much easier. How easy it is for a person to create a different reality in an app. When you meet a person outside - where do you meet people? In places of entertainment, with friends, at work, through acquaintances who know how to tell about them - you see the environment. In apps you know nothing. "
Hagit gave up the app for a month and a half and then decided to return to it again, mostly out of necessity.
Still, apps are the most common way to get acquainted today.
Very soon after returning she gained a corrective experience and got to know through the app who became her last contact.
"It was a good relationship with good initial intentions, in the end it just didn't work out."
Did you do anything else after returning to the app?
"Yes, I learned a lot to listen to my stomach. And also decided that I have a law - I do not meet anyone without making a video call first. Any acquaintance in the app I wanted to advance with, I asked to make a video call. So some cooperated, some did not, and those who did not - so no".
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"I canceled the alerts, I decided that when I was comfortable, I would open it, without being in a hurry" (Photo: Courtesy of those photographed)
After the relationship ended, about three months ago, Hagit returned to the app, but following a protest by the "left-wing" group we talked about in the previous article in the series, she deleted the app again, this time for only a week and a half.
"I brought it back again a few days ago, but calmly. Something in this week and a half break really balanced me out. I canceled the alerts, I decided that when I was comfortable I would open it, without being in the mood to log in and comment. To moderate it. The app is there but is in the background."
We are, as mentioned, completely in favor of freeing ourselves from the shackles of apps, and for us every place is an option for a new and exciting acquaintance - even us!
Therefore, in honor of the summer that has come, we decided to open an alternative matchmaking corner and allow you, free and quality men, to contact Hagit:
What are you really looking for in a man?
"First of all - mental stability. Let him come from a place where he knows what he wants and that this thing is actually a relationship, a family. Not open relationships, not enjoying all the worlds and opportunities, someone who wants to commit and not afraid of commitment. Everything else - I do not define in advance. Attraction, emotion, same worldview. I do not deny singles, if they connect to my status (divorced + child), I do not have a checklist or "shopping list", but what must be the ability and mental readiness for commitment. "
Want to contact Hagit?
(Respectful and honest inquiries only, be careful to be creepy because then you will have business with us!)
Sheee
Sex and relationships
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women
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