Screenshot (Photo: Keshet 12)
Miss or do not miss: the mistake of a kind we all make
Ben says he wants to feel like he's allowed to get fucked back from New York without it hurting Maayan, Maayan is starting to give up on the limited expression of emotion she gets.
Who's right?
Ben misses or wants to be alone?
The heated discussion of marriage at first glance refuses to die down
Jenny Danson
07/07/2022
07/07/2022
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He's not in your section !!!
(Sheee system)
I could not help but identify with a son in New York.
I still did not understand if this was his first time in the city or if he returned to it with nostalgia but one thing was clear to me - White has the same bacterium I have and millions of other people in the world: New York speaks to them.
I can not explain it, but when I land in JFK or Newark, go through the passport control, pick up the suitcase and sit in a taxi, I take a deep breath, look out the window, and feel that the air is better and everything is more correct.
It is impossible to describe this feeling in words, but this city has a soul that some people are simply attracted to.
I also know Ben's conversation with Maayan from New York itself well.
During my marriage I flew to New York with my husband, but there were also many flights alone or with our son, when he stayed in Israel or was elsewhere in the world.
And yes, I too would call him with sparkling eyes, tell him about what I saw and what I did, where I went, where I went out and what I ate, and then realize that my time in the city is running out.
I wanted to go home, of course - it does not contradict, but at the same time the feeling that I have to leave always brought with it depression.
But compared to a Maayan and Ben case, the difference with us was in the response I received when I told how good I was there:
You can also understand Ben (Photo: screenshot, Keshet 12)
"Then dates!"
He would cheer me on the other side and tell me how happy he was that I was having fun, "What do you have to come back, weekend anyway, what are you going to do here
?
" Work. "
" The child has a garden "
and most of all, whether I said it explicitly or not, the feeling that always enveloped me was always" I miss, I want to go home, I want to you. "
When they were both on Danny's couch at first I actually agreed with Maayan - Why does she have to think 10 times before she says something? I can not stand the men who act like a scared squirrel in Central Park - have to be careful and move gently, one wrong move and they panic and climb hysterically back to the tree, far from any human contact.
But then, After hearing Ben, I realized what had bothered him so much.
Why, in fact, did she have to balance the fact that "he's fine without her" with the fact that "he misses"?
Why does Maayan (like many other people who are in relationships, by the way) feel that if a son is good alone, then he is probably bad with her?
"Good for me alone" and "Good for me with you" do not contradict each other and can and should exist together, because once we put in our head that the only way to enjoy is when our partner is with us, the relationship begins to suffocate, hence the anger Ben experienced when he felt his pleasure Is illegitimate if it comes without statements of longing.
Here is the place to say that the fact that a person enjoys alone, or with people who are not the spouse, does not detract from the relationship.
On the contrary, it builds the individual within it, magnifies it and adds to it experiences that can be talked about at the end of the day instead of sitting across from each other at dinner in silence and watching the lives of strangers in tiktok.
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Wedding at First Sight 2.7.2022 (Photo: Screenshot, from "Wedding at First Sight")
Just as Lior tried to explain to Katya in a not very successful way - distance is not an enemy of a relationship, and someone's pleasure does not come at the expense of couple pleasure and certainly not at the expense of love, and it bothered me that Moshe explained that the song "We became whole" Being whole should be in a couple. "
No.
To be whole you have to be whole - it really is not that complicated.
If we experience a great experience alone, the fact that it was not experienced "together" does not detract from it and certainly does not detract from our relationship or love for the other side but allows us to return home and tell about it excitedly, put it into our relationship, let the person who loves us experience it through our eyes, see We get excited and also allow us to re-experience everything.
We should not strive to be together in all the experiences, or demand that they think of us at every moment - on the contrary.
When a person who loves us enjoys ourselves without us, it means that it is a healthy love, one that should not be feared, hold on to force until the tips of the fingers turn white and the hands begin to sweat, but one that allows us to go out into the world without fear - precisely because we have nowhere to go.
And that's what would happen if you kind of tell him she's happy for him and understands him, and tells him what her experience is from New York, or sends him to a restaurant she once tried and loved.
Ben would probably hang up the phone and think to himself how amazing she is and what fun she understands him, then take another picture of her from the park, wonder what to buy her as a gift and maybe even think next time they should come along.
Sheee
Sex and relationships
Tags
A wedding at first sight
