Why it is important to know your erotic personality to have a more satisfying sex life

The French writer, filmmaker and film director Virginie Despentes said: “Sexual desire is not a complicated mechanism to start.

However, libido is complex, what it says about me does not always please me, it does not always fit with what I would like to be.

But I may prefer to know, instead of hiding my head and saying the opposite of what I know about myself in order to preserve a reassuring social image.”

Do we really know what our libido says about us, what turns us on and what we like sexually?

Do we have any idea of ​​what our erotic personality is like or do we limit ourselves to adopting attitudes, behaviors or practices that we see in porn, that our partners suggest to us or that friends tell us that they have done with surprising results?

By erotic personality we should not understand the fastest way to orgasm, but our way of being sexual, which is different and unique in each individual, like the fingerprint.

Knowing yourself sexually can be compared to being aware of what suits you and what doesn't, aesthetically speaking.

One can dedicate himself exclusively to following fashion trends, buying what is available in stores according to the season, dressing like his friends or wearing what his partner likes;

regardless of your body structure or personal tastes.

The result will be having traveled through the life of

, disguised, without his own style and, in the worst of cases, made a mess.

But when one knows his body, what suits him or not, what colors and shapes suit him and creates his own style, we can say that, in aesthetic matters, he has not only given the best of himself but has contributed to the existence of a more eclectic, extravagant, colorful and fun world.

Sexually speaking, most people fall into the group of those who go with the flow without questioning almost anything.

And if you ask them what they understand by erotic personality, they will say yes, “that they like to go out and that they really like to fuck”.

End of the question.

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But the question remains, because knowing each other erotically means knowing what sex means to each one.

Have a slight idea of ​​how we would like to live and explore our sexuality.

Know the responses of the body and mind to different stimuli.

To be able to glimpse what we have in the head, just before the libido skyrockets.

Analyze, with a certain distance, the fantasies.

And, among many other things, determine what atmosphere is more suggestive for these matters: love, security, strength, power, domination, submission, danger or the unknown.

The good news is that you can get to know each other sexually for free, spending a quarter of the time you spend working for Mark Zuckerberg on social media each day.

“Most people start to explore their erotic selves when they have a problem.

In the event that there is no disorder, they do not even consider it;

and when talking about having a fuller sexuality, commonly, it refers to the fact of carrying out many activities and practices.

Never to the idea of ​​living a more conscious sexuality”, explains Francisca Molero, gynecologist, sexologist, director of the Ibero-American Institute of Sexology and president of the Spanish Federation of Sexology Societies.

How then can one begin to explore the erotic personality?

For Molero it means “being present”: “You have to start from a favorable situation, where there is calm and complicity, to explore bodily and sensory sensations, either as a couple or alone.

A search for pleasure without expectations,

At the corporal level, in sexology there is what is called the erotic map, which is nothing more than locating the points and zones of personal corporal pleasure.

No two erotic maps are the same, because it is not about focusing on the genitals but rather on the erogenous parts, those unexplored continents that must be discovered in the way of ancient explorers: with time, with or without help, and without know very well what you are looking for.

Where to play, what to play, how to play;

always observing the basic rule from less to more.

The elaboration of the erotic map itself can reveal to us that we have sensitivity in the scalp, and that we like to be caressed or pulled hard.

Or that the inner face of the arms and thighs prefer circular, slow and ascending movements.

"You don't have to put labels on fantasies, because thought is not action," says gynecologist and sexologist Francisca Molero. In the image, actress Maggie Gyllenhaal in the movie 'Secretary' (2022).cordon press

The erotic personality becomes more subtle on a mental level and the state of mind that connects more with the sexual would be, in the words of Francisca Molero, “motivation”.

“Being motivated and periodicity;

since we are creatures of habit and if we spend a long time without activating our sexual channel, it will cost us more to enter it.

There are also many things from day to day that connect us with that wave.

Everything that has to do with the sensory and the pleasant, such as being outdoors, bathing in the sea, dancing, listening to music”.

Erotic fantasies have always been interpreted as courtesy of the unconscious that provides an open window to our true sexual personality;

But you don't have to trust them 100% either.

As Valérie Tasso says in her

(Today's Topics, 2008): “When we ask ourselves: 'What do I feel like doing?', our desire is answered.

When we ask ourselves: 'What am I capable of imagining?', our fantasy answers”.

"Sexual fantasies are very good for learning, since the brain is a plastic organ and sometimes it is difficult for it to distinguish between reality and fiction," says Molero.

“There is no need to put labels, then, because thought is not action and, moreover, they are generally closely related to transgression, to what is forbidden, to what we have been told gives more pleasure, and not always to our real tastes. ”.

Changes over time

It must also be taken into account that this erotic personality changes over time, over the years and with different partners, which can awaken certain instincts or desires.

And here are those comparative grievances that one can suffer with the

of the

guy: “You never wanted to have a threesome with me;

And now you tell me that a month after meeting Pablo, hala, come!”.

Our way of being sexual is, therefore, dynamic and interactive;

and it may be that what we liked at 20 we stop liking at 40, or vice versa.

After years of research, the sexologist Jaiya, author of books such as

and

made a broad classification of erotic personalities into five groups: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky and moody.

Of course, generally most of us have traits of all.

• The energetic personality is typical of hypersensitive people, who can have orgasms almost without touching.

  They like soft caresses, eye contact, going slowly and for this group it is essential that there is a certain emotional connection in sex.

  Breathing is an important element to keep in mind.

• The sensual give great importance to the senses, they like to surround themselves with beauty and for them the atmosphere is so important in the erotic field (candles, music, adequate light) that, if it does not meet certain requirements, it can put an end to sexual arousal .

  This group enjoys covering their eyes with a blindfold, giving or receiving massages or playing with the hot-cold effect.

• Sexual people have frequent intercourse, are easily aroused, and use sex as a means of relaxation.

  Visual images and bodies are powerfully exciting, and orgasm is pursued through genital stimulation and intercourse.

• The quinqui personality, however, is attracted to strange, unusual, forbidden things and everything that takes them out of their comfort zone.

  This group attaches great importance to psychology and fantasies, although its members may feel guilty or repress their preferences as immoral or objectionable.

• And finally, the changelings are those that mix characteristics of the five classes.

  They like to have diverse experiences and are often highly influenced by their partners.

Taking the time to discover your own erotic personality will not only make us enjoy sex more and get to know each other better, both sexually and as human beings, but also help us choose our partner better and know how to properly communicate our desires.

And, of course, we will contribute to a more exciting, libidinous and

world .

Rita Abundancia is a journalist, sexologist and author of the website