"Lawnmower parents" can trigger fears in their children - but they mean well

Created: 2022-08-02 04:48

By: Jana Stäbener

In the worst case, “lawnmower parents” train their children to fear failure.

We explain what is behind the educational method.

How should I raise my children?

All parents probably ask this question.

There is probably no easy answer to that.

A pediatrician believes that parents shouldn't be so perfectionistic - it's more important that they occupy themselves with their child instead of "switching it off" with technical devices.

But perfectionism is easier said than done.

Because there are also some educational methods that experts clearly advise against.

One of them is that of the "submarine parents" who endanger their children's success by going underground.

Even helicopter parents like to be smiled at.

They constantly circle over their children and are overprotective, which, according to a US study, makes children of helicopter parents more successful later on.

However, it becomes difficult when parents get out of the helicopter, start the lawnmower and use it to mow down every blade of grass, no matter how small, that grows in front of their children.

Then one speaks of lawnmower parents, as

writes.

But what is so worrying about them?

Lawnmower Parents Deny Their "Children's Chance to Overcome Obstacles"

Basically, lawnmower parents only mean it with their children.

But that's the problem, psychologist Jenny Grant Rankin tells

.

“These parents think they are helping their children, but [they] deny the children the opportunity to overcome obstacles,” explains the parenting expert.

An example of this is a parent driving after their child the violin they left at home.

Actually, the child would learn an important message from his forgotten instrument: namely that big and small mishaps and failures are part of life.

However, if that opportunity is denied, children never learn to deal with life's obstacles or failures in a healthy way, Rankin tells

.

"Children who get the best of everything and don't have the opportunity to learn to accept failure will later have difficulty coping with the chaotic nature of life." Such children are also less able to show gratitude - but it is an important factor in being happy.

"Lawnmower parents" only mean well with their children.

Possibly "too good".

© "photography_Hannes_Eichinger" via www.imago-images.de

Lawn mower parents are a big topic for teachers

The institute for integrative learning therapy and further education also gives other examples of lawn mower parents.

Lawnmower parents are a big topic, especially for teachers, because they often see a lawnmower father writing an essay for his child or a lawnmower mother helping with a chemistry experiment.

An extreme example of this type of lawnmower education can be found in the case of "Desperate Housewife" actress Felicity Huffman, about whom the

reported, among others.

She teamed up with other parents to swindle their children into a place at prestigious US universities for huge sums of money and was on trial for it in 2019.

Also extreme are these "boomer" grandparents who are crossing borders - mothers reveal how toxic it is.

In a contribution to the

, the teacher and father Arne Ulbricht tells of experiences with lawnmower parents.

Older students would also receive e-mails in which parents negotiated grades for their children.

"Lawnmower parents prevent their children from being independent," says the teacher and author (here we write about 13 great teachers who really go the extra mile for their students).

“Secretly, parents just think they are doing something good for their child.

But they don't do it," says Ulbricht.

Lawnmower parents need to learn to reinterpret success

In addition to the psychologist Rankin , other experts also

comment on lawn mower parents in the

The desire to help is natural, so parents should also be kind to themselves, says Saba Harouni Lurie, a family therapist.

It is important to reinterpret success.

Success then no longer means good grades, perfect homework or not a single missed violin lesson, but that children develop independence and resilience.

“Then we can focus our energies on helping them achieve that.

At the same time, we allow them to have their own experiences and resist projecting our lives onto them," Lurie told

.

She recommends that people who find themselves acting like lawnmower parents make a list.

This should state what success looks like for you personally.

The definition can then be gradually revised.

It is important to be patient and not give up immediately.

“It will be hard at first: your child will not like the change and will push you to go back to your old ways, so be strong.

Good parenting will become easier,” says Lurie at

, recommending Carol Dweck's Mindset, a book that can help raise children's independence and resilience, for anyone wanting to be a less lawnmower parent.