A Fang is a patient in the outpatient clinic. She is a housewife and lives happily with her husband and a pair of children.
Life was supposed to be worry-free, but since suffering from depression, life has gone from bad to worse.
My husband, a professional, unfortunately suffered from a serious illness a few years ago, resulting in impaired physical function and the inability to continue his old job.
Since then, Ah Fang has been worried about her husband's condition every day, and she doesn't think about tea and rice, and eventually suffers from depression.
People are getting more and more haggard, lose their appetite, and sleep erratically every night.
Written by: Dr. Shi Qifeng, School of Mental Health, Castle Peak Hospital
Whenever Ah Fang came to the outpatient clinic, her husband would hold her hand and take care of her every need.
When the doctor asked about his condition, the husband would always be impatient to report everything on behalf of his wife, and Fang would just sit on the side in a taciturn manner, as if it was the husband, not Fang, who was following the consultation.
After several months, drug treatment and psychotherapy were in full swing, but Fang's condition still did not improve.
When the daughter accompanies the follow-up consultation, she will accuse her parents unreservedly: "Because of you, Daddy, if it wasn't for you, Grandma wouldn't be so sick. Grandma, you don't even argue, I know you are relying on Daddy. ." In the end, it would always end up being a riot.
Until one day, because her husband could not take time to accompany A Fang to follow-up, she finally got the voice she had longed for.
"Doctor, in fact, the pressure of being cared for is huge. Mr. is very good to me, and he has done a perfect job in daily life and taking care of him. But I don't want that, I just want him to spend more time with me and scare me. , listen to my advice."
After several follow-up visits, through the guidance of the doctor as a third party, everyone began to point out the problems that have always existed.
The husband also admitted: "Actually, it was me who said nothing to him, and since I fell ill, I always wanted to fulfill my husband's responsibilities. In fact, I didn't think about what he really needed."
In Ah Fang's family, the husband tried his best to hope that his wife could recover as soon as possible, but he never thought that what his wife really needed was listening and quiet company.
The daughter and her parents accuse each other, and Fang has been afraid to face the problem, hoping that if she doesn't think about anything, the problem will be solved easily.
The "triangulation" formed by the husband and wife and their daughter ties the knot that is difficult for everyone.
In fact, in each relationship, it is the most ordinary thing that everyone pays attention to different places.
Stubbornly insisting on one's own ideas and ignoring the needs of the other party will only end up in trouble.
In every conversation, listening is often more powerful than speaking.
If every time you have a conversation, you can leave a little blank for the other party and let go of your own prejudice for this relationship, then the voice of the heart may be really therapeutic.
"Hong Kong 01" "01 Medical Clinic" cooperates with the School of Mental Health of Castle Peak Hospital to publish a column written by medical staff every other Tuesday.
"Cheng" means to let the water stand still, let the water settle down, and then become clear.
I hope you can meditate and savor every little story, see the details, understand the heart of yourself and others, and see things and situations more clearly.
See clearly, know how to cherish, I hope this column can calm your emotional waves and enjoy the quiet time.
I hope you will share this experience with the people you care about, so that you can have one more partner on the road to a better life.
Story details have been revised to protect patient privacy.
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