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"In the middle of the kiss he moves back and starts shaking all over"

When a first date with a model turns into an anxiety attack (his), and when the man of his dreams turns out to be a skilled flyer, it's no wonder that both of them are tired of the apps - chapter six of the project "The Man Who Made Me Delete the Apps"

Anat Nissani

04/08/2022

04/08/2022

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Name:

Shani

32

Tel Aviv

Ended two years ago

Tinder

Seven years gross

"The last time I deleted it was for three months"

like most of the women who stayed In the previous chapters of our project, and like many other good ones, Shani also manages a complex love-hate relationship with the apps.

She also knows very well the regular ritual of deleting Tinder, swearing never to return to it, then getting bored, realizing that there are really no other options to meet and download again.

At the point in time we are talking Shani is on Tinder but not that active in it, mainly because of what she defines as "a set of several particularly failed dates".

Although it drains her of a lot of energy, she says that at a certain point she leaves the app because "as long as it's open, my heart is also open and I'm ready for whatever comes."

But in apps like apps, what comes is mostly disgust, and only a week after this optimistic sentence was said, she updates that she managed to delete again.

"Enough, I need quiet, to concentrate on myself and if it comes - it will come," she says.

"I need a moment to believe that I deserve it because sometimes I forget and I just compromise. Ready to accept someone I dated and go with someone else on the day he arranged with me. I'm already saying good, let him go with her. I just became numb."

One can debate whether numbness is bad (because we want to bring someone into our hearts, to be excited and loved) or good (because we also need to protect the heart from all this shit) or inevitable (because there is so much such shit).

What is certain - the road to numbness is full of scaring experiences, and both have plenty of those.

It looks like something with a lot of potential (photo: screenshot, courtesy of the interviewee)

She started her way in the app and dating arena in Jerusalem, where the rules of the game are completely different from those of the Tel Aviv scene.

"It's a different breed of men. In Jerusalem they're not douches. Until I got to Tel Aviv I didn't even know what a douche was, really. I did Google. There are also hallucinations there, but you don't know what you're talking about. In Jerusalem, you really get to know each other, you can sit with someone for five Hours and talk. Right here are motives for action. After an hour if you're not on your way to his apartment, it's a date that didn't go well."

One of the stories she remembers most from the first days outside the Holy City really sounds like something that could only happen in Tel Aviv, but not necessarily from the place that is trying to stream.

"It was on Bumble, I saw someone there who looked the most handsome - my taste. Tall, curly, well-dressed, all so cool, and his profile had pictures of him on billboards advertising for some well-known company, meaning he's also a model. I was skeptical, I didn't think that he would like me, but he did, what fun, and we talked and arranged to meet. He told me that he was taking pictures and doing auditions for Netflix, and you know, you immediately get into the movies of this, I'm going to be married to an actor, I'm already on the red carpet, I know what I'm wearing".

But just before the date, another kind of movies also start with her: insecurity, fear that he will see her and not want to, after all - a model.

With a little encouragement from a good friend, she pulls herself together, goes downstairs and sees a really impressive man in front of her.

But then he starts talking.

"The way he opened his mouth I realized that something wasn't... not with us. The man isn't a hundred. He mumbles, you can't understand what he's saying, very, very insecure. As long as he's standing still - he's the most attractive thing there is. The way he starts talking - Not good".

Shani says to herself the two most common words in every single woman's mind: "Don't judge."

They arrive at Herzl 16, sit down, and something still doesn't work.

"I don't know how to explain it, he doesn't talk about it. Something is very strange there. He tells me that after a week of auditions for Netflix, which took a lot of energy from him, he tells me how he disconnects from the company to get into the character he is supposed to play. And I actually like Strange, so in a way it also turned me on a little. Then the moment comes and he kisses me, and suddenly in the middle of the kiss he moves back and starts shaking all over - his body is shaking, his lips are shaking. I say to him: "What?

What happened?!" And he says to me: "I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed, you're electrifying me."

"I say to him: "What?

What should I do?" And he says to me: "Bring me water." I ran there at Herzl 16 to look for a waiter or someone to bring me water, meanwhile he sits and takes a breath. I bring him the water, he tells me: "What a shame, I'm ashamed" I tell him: "Everything is fine, come breathe, nothing happened", he is actually meditating there, and not that I am from the field. In short, we paid, we left, every second he apologized, tried to explain that because he was now isolated for a week this contact terribly overwhelmed him We kissed all the way home, he picked me up, it was also so strange... I came home and I really didn't know what to do, but it was a very dry and boring period in my life, so I said fine, I'll go out with him again."

Better than the last (photo: screenshot, courtesy of the interviewee)

After the second date it was already clear to her that it wouldn't work.

"He's not that connected, doesn't communicate, a very strange bird. I don't know how to explain it, there's no one to talk to. The only thing is that he's really handsome. But no, there's nothing to do there," she concludes the date.

"After that, I took a moment off from the apps. That's the disappointment, because you see something and you want it badly. If I had met him in Real Life, I wouldn't have been attracted to him at all, because from the first second it's clear that something is strange. But because it's in the app, we had a few days of Correspondence, at that time I also found him on YouTube in advertisements and that's where he looks the most wow, you don't see anything strange. I've already built buildings."

Despite all the Tel Avivian signs of the story - acting career, flooding, anxiety attack - it is clear to all of us that this is not the typical Tel Avivian douchebag.

Don't worry, she has met this breed of men many times since then, and one of them came in the last year.

A quick match on Tinder with a handsome, impressive and confident man led to a long and flowing phone conversation and a date that swept Shani completely and is still considered one of the most successful dates of her life, or as she puts it: "This time I was the one who got electrocuted. I even called my mom the day after the first date with him and I said to her: That's it, mom. I found it."

The enthusiasm was very mutual.

The guy flies on her, says she's exactly what he imagined, repeats over and over how much fun he had and declares that he's finally ready for a relationship.

The day after the date, they don't stop texting and make another date.

He comes to pick her up with the motorcycle, motions for her to open his hand and places on her the klava he made, wrapped in a ribbon, "Have it for coffee tomorrow morning".

In her other hand he puts an Apple earphone, plays oriental-oriental music for her and says: "Come on, get up. We're going to Jaffa."

"A super gentleman," she says, "and add to that a dash of murder and self-confidence at a level that there is nothing more confident than. And the earpiece - the cleanest I've ever seen in my life. Only that did it for me. His ear is so clean."

They arrive at a bar in Jaffa, from there they continue to another bar.

Suddenly, in the middle of a crosswalk, he lifts her up in the air and kisses her.

Let's also stop and imagine it for a moment: we will stand in the middle of a crosswalk, he doesn't care if the whole world around stops, he now has to kiss.

and second?

She is no more.

At the end of the evening, when he drops her off at home, Shani offers him to go up to see the roof, and he offers to drink tea at her place.

From here to there - he stayed to sleep.

"At night I didn't want to sleep with him," she says, "I wanted it to be slow, to leave room for some kind of doubt, and we really didn't sleep. But then the morning came and he revealed a very sexual side, crazy, I don't know what."

A moment of rest means a moment of power? (Photo: screenshot, courtesy of the interviewee)

aggressive?

"No, not aggressive. Safe. One who knows the job. Until the moment we got into bed my confidence was quite high interacting with him, because he knows how to play the game, to be the most perfect, innocent, sweet and gentlemanly thing. Once we got to bed suddenly he is terrible He knew what to do, there was no longer any innocence or delicacy in the touch. God forbid he did anything to me that I didn't want, absolutely not, but his self-confidence in bed was so excessive that I felt small. I felt as if I was not in his league, suddenly my confidence dropped terribly. This Not that he wasn't sensitive and cute and supportive, but it felt like it would be the last time."

"Because while we were lying down, I felt that he had already achieved what he wanted. Nor was there any more room for imagination after this meeting. Suddenly I felt as if all the chips had fallen. While we were lying down, I said to myself: "Come on, you're completely closed.

How did you even think he wanted anything more?" He just knew how to do what was necessary to lead me to bed quickly. Such a modus operandi. And I was easy prey for someone like him. We later met one more time but it felt quite forced. I went to him and nothing happened between us. , we just talked. A day later we got in touch and decided to meet the next day or after the holiday, but that evening my partner saw him making out with someone else at a party."

"I was really sad. For a week I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't eat, I just sat and cried all day. It felt like he just sold me an experience. He put a spoon in my mouth and a second before I closed my mouth and took the cream he took the spoon out. And although However, I was still ready to meet him. But he didn't talk to me anymore. Then a month later someone who knows him happened to be here and she said to me: "Listen, he's not for you.

You don't understand how many girls he changes." It made me feel so unspecial. I really felt like I fell into a trap. It was only three dates, which is nothing, and I've met a lot of men since then, but none left a mark like him. To this day, there's not a day that I I don't think about him, and I really don't think he remembers who I am."

"Yes, but it's not that I deleted the app after it happened. I already deleted it the day I met him. I said to myself: "I don't need the app anymore.

This is what I want - him." So after it ended like that, returning the app was even more difficult. Because I deleted it in advance, even before anything was even successful."

"Absolutely. I'll also tell you why. After my experience with him, every time I met someone on the app I purposely continued to correspond with others. So that I wouldn't end up lost. I've also already developed some kind of defense. So I'm dating someone but at the same time I'm talking to three other men - I don't give anything a chance to settle. If he's not attractive enough or said a word out of place - come on, bye, I won't even answer him, there's the next one in line. If the apps really wanted to help us get to know each other, then as soon as a conversation starts with someone, All conversations with others should stop automatically. This will be a mechanism of the app. Then you know someone now and only focus on him. Confront it."

"But you know what?", she becomes optimistic again, "Yesterday something refreshing happened to me. I was walking with a friend on the street and someone approached me and said: "I want to get to know you, can I have your phone number?" This hasn't happened to me in years. You I don't understand how I got excited. Who is starting with Ishi today? Only for the courage I want to meet him."

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