Serena Williams had to choose between tennis or being a mother. "It's not fair, if she were a man she would be winning," she says when announcing her retirement

By Kait HansonNBC

Serena Williams announced Thursday that she is retiring from tennis to focus on growing her family.

It was not an easy decision, as she explained in an essay published in Vogue magazine: "I never wanted to have had to choose between tennis and family," said the 40-year-old professional, who can be considered the best modern tennis player at 23 Grand Slam titles.

"I don't think it's fair," Williams wrote, "if I were a man, I wouldn't be writing this because I'd be playing and winning while my wife does the physical work of raising our family. Maybe I'd be like Tom Brady, if I had that chance." ”.

Williams, at the National Bank Open in Toronto, Canada on August 8. Vaughn Ridley / Getty Images

Williams clarified that she loves being a woman and that she loved "every second" of her pregnancy with her 4-year-old daughter Olympia.

"She was one of those nondescript women who loved being pregnant and worked until the day she had to go to the hospital, though things got really messy on the other side," Williams wrote, referring to her experience of nearly dying after giving birth. light.

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"And I almost do the impossible," she added, "a lot of people don't realize I was two months pregnant when I won the Australian Open in 2017. But I'm turning 41 this month and something has to give."

Serena Williams during her first match at the Bank Open in Toronto, Canada on August 8, 2022. Icon Sportswire / Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

"I have been reluctant to admit to myself or others that I have to stop playing tennis," she

wrote, "it's like a taboo subject."

She shared that she and her husband, Alexis Ohanian, have "barely" talked about retirement.

"I can't even have this conversation with my mom and dad. It's like it's not real until you say it out loud. When it comes up, I get a lump in my throat and start crying," she added.

Williams shared that she and her husband have been trying to have a second child "this past year."

"We recently got some information from my doctor that made me feel more at ease and made me feel that whenever we are ready, we can add to our family," Williams wrote.

"I definitely don't want to get pregnant like an athlete again. I need to be on the tennis court with two feet or off it completely," she added.

In the essay, Williams also shared that she doesn't always feel "comfortable or safe" with babies, but she prides herself on being a hands-on mom to Olympia.

"In five years, Olympia has only been separated from me once for a period of 24 hours," he said, adding that the girl sometimes prays before bed to ask for a little sister.

"I'm the youngest of five sisters and my sisters are my heroes," she concluded, "so this feels like a time in my life where I have to pay close attention."