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The Alternative Diary of Amber Heard | Israel today

2022-08-12T14:33:18.117Z


After an exhausting trial, my agent recommended a vacation to an exotic, wild and remote place, where no one would recognize my face - but she sent me to Israel • In a 30 square meter apartment with dampness in the ceiling, I picked plants, ate overpriced artichoke tortellini and was photographed in a bookstore with the promise that my photo You won't be published. So promise • The visit of the celeb Amber Heard created a surprising and quite hallucinatory breath of fresh air in the boiling Israeli reality • Ami Friedman dived into the consciousness of the actress, and her from there an alternative diary


July 30, Los Angeles

I get up at 3 in the afternoon and ponder the horrible nightmare I had.

In my claims, I am being sued for libel by Johnny due to an article I wrote in a newspaper, in which I branded myself, on the advice of my agent Estelle, as a victim, as the young people do today.

In a nightmare as in a nightmare, for some reason the trial is filmed and broadcast to the whole world, during which my marital life, my bowel habits and my limited acting abilities are exposed for all to see.

Damn Johnny wins the trial, becomes the national mami of every country that has a branch of McDonald's and is again cast in leading roles in movies.

I, on the other hand, am obligated to pay him 10 million dollars and become an object of hatred that actors don't want to cast and hotel room attendants refuse to serve.

James Franco, Marilyn Manson and Elon Musk were also there.

The subconscious is a mysterious and wonderful thing.

Realizing that this was not a nightmare but a nightmare scenario that totally happened and was completely avoidable with the advice of any agent other than Estelle, I spent the early afternoon gasping and screaming into a pillow.

With a brief (than usual) hyperventilation phase over, I called Estelle to fire her once and for all.

She explained to me that the battle was decided but the war was not over yet, and convinced me that the right thing to do for my career and mental state was to appeal the ruling and continue to stretch the trial a little more.

From public opinion polls and reactions in the field, she says, it seems that I generate empathy.

Until that happens, I asked you to send me on vacation to an exotic, wild and remote place, where the Internet is non-existent and no one will recognize my face.

I want the freedom and quiet to walk around without fear of goddamn paparazzi, or Johnny fans who haven't noticed yet that he's been playing the same character in the same Tim Burton movie since Edward and his bloody scissors.

"Take me where no one will know my name!"

I commanded her.

"For my part, let there be a hole in the middle of nowhere! Serengeti-like that no one in the world thinks about, the media rarely covers it, the climate is pleasant and its inhabitants are polite, courteous and anxious about the privacy of others."

That's what I told her.

"And cheap!", I added.

"With all the payments I have on my head right now, the last thing I need is more expenses at a place with unreasonable prices!"

Estelle immediately joined the task.

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have her.

August 1, "Havasta" restaurant

I landed in Tel Aviv, the capital of Israel.

No one will notice me here.

The weather here is somewhat hellish and the humidity is unreasonable, but the air conditioning in the taxi from the field is at a high level.

Half an hour and 350 local currencies later, my partner Eve Barlow and I (who is not related to Gary Barlow from Take Death - which is a shame) arrive at the apartment we rented on Allenby Street in the center of the city.

The locals for some reason insist on calling it "Starsa ​​Celebration" and snicker every time we ask for directions, but it also includes the most successful night club in the city, so we assume from the long line at the entrance, "Jasmino Club".

Towards noon, an enthusiastic group of tourists recommends us to go to the best bar in town - "The Mike's Place", where the best local artists are hosted.

On Estelle's advice, Eve and I decide to stay away from the spotlight and places with too high a profile, and go to dine at a hidden place on the outskirts of the city called "Basta", where an amateur photographer takes a picture of me and my picture is published in the local press.

One great artichoke tortellini and 780 local coins later we keep walking to the apartment we rented, or as Eve calls it in her colorful way: 30 square meters of dampness in the ceiling and colorful bumps that should come with a warning for epileptics. Everything here is terribly authentic.

August 2, Halper Bookstore, Allenby

On the way back to the apartment we stopped at a second-hand book store called "Halper", where we stayed for a long time to soak up the air conditioning, because in my life, in a high-temperature competition between him and Hell, this place wins by a margin.

After the store owner gave me judgmental looks, I decided to purchase a book that he defined as high quality and I allowed him to take a picture of me with a bag bearing the store's logo, with a promise from him that it would not be distributed on social media or the major news sites.

His eyes radiated goodness, his look comforting.

I chose to believe him.

Amber Heard at Halper Books, photo: Halper Books

August 3

With Act Money I bought 13 potus plants, the national flower and easier to grow all over the world, and we visited the beach.

It was a short visit, because the number of jellyfish in this damn place is second only to the number of times an electric scooter almost took my cheek off.

They say "in Rome act like a Roman", and therefore, as is the custom of the locals, I smoke rolled cigarettes and speed.

August 4

At Estel's recommendation we jump to the area of ​​the city defined as the old north.

Not too much going on here, except for what appears to be a "Ground Zero" style commemorative site in memory of a national disaster called the "railway project" which I assume is related to the Holocaust.

We decide to leave this heavenly and family-rich area in favor of visiting more trendy neighborhoods, not before we run into the legendary film director, lover of westerns and feet, Quentin Tarantino.

I wanted to offer myself to act in his next film, but something in his gaze felt hollow, sleepy, broken and disconnected.

August 5, Florentine neighborhood

For the past two days, Eve and I have chosen to explore their local Williamsburg - a vibrant, lively but cat-and-whisker-ridden neighborhood called Florentine.

On the way to it we cannot help but notice that there is a direct relationship between the amount of tattooed young people who populate the city's streets and the amount of cracks in their sidewalks.

A fascinating chain of smells of sewage, urine and pastry makes us exhaust the experience quite quickly, along with the fact that too many locals recognize my face here.

Hopefully it is mainly because of television classics that Wikipedia insists strongly that I took part in (even I myself have no tangible memory of them) - such as "Hidden Dates", for example.

I am not interested in this exposure and decide to disguise myself as much as possible.

260 local coins and one blue cap later, and I feel like I've found a perfect costume.

That way they won't recognize me.

August 6

In the news and on the street we are exposed to fragments of sentences and rumors about a military operation taking place in the country.

We are interested in the situation in front of passers-by on the street, but they reassure us and tell us that this is a war that focuses on regions in Israel that have an inverse relationship between their electoral importance and their place in the order of political priorities.

Confused by all this math, we decide to inhabit a cafe and consume local Arab food with the texture of toothpaste, which is said to help cleanse the stomach and help those suffering from insomnia.

Everything is authentic, everything happens.

"Local food in the texture of a family of teeth".

Amber Heard in Israel,

August 7

Towards the evening, Eve and I get up with a bang from the couch to the sound of a siren going up and down.

Life passes before our eyes as we run towards the door, and for about eight seconds I remember all the iconic roles I've played, the classics I've taken part in and the unforgettable characters I've played.

"Gone too soon", the newspaper headlines will cry.

"Hello, star", tweeted a fat Hollywood celebrity.

Everyone will be filled with regret.

Johnny will give speeches, Marilyn Manson will dedicate a song and James Franco will hire a lawyer.

to the saucer on the side of the eye.

closing song

August 8

We find ourselves in a stairwell of a building together with sweaty but quite calm neighbors.

They are not impressed by the struggle of the stars that we carry over us and mainly stare at the light switches, exchanging indifferent gestures between them.

Here an eyebrow is raised in recognition, there a bowed head, staring at the floor in boredom.

It is evident that the citizens here are practiced in dealing with the terror of death.

For them it is second nature, nothing more than a slight discomfort in their daily routine.

A small distortion in existential sobriety.

When an explosive sound is heard, which they indifferently call "boom", they evacuate the stairwell and return one by one to his apartment.

Eve and I feel ourselves to be survivors.

We also had a baby with us all this time.

August 9, Tiberias

We are in a place called Tiberias, where crowds flock when they can't afford to vacation in Greece.

Few recognize us here, and we allow ourselves to remove the camouflage hats that were hung in many places in the big city.

The proximity to the Sea of ​​Galilee and the distance from the Korach reassures us, even when we are told that the local water is warmer than ordinary water anywhere else on earth, because according to the Gemara, it passes through the entrance to hell.

I'm not making this up.

Towards the evening, Eve, me and the baby - who was absolutely with us all this time and no, we didn't just remember her in the stairwell during the horror minutes of the war - look towards the Sea of ​​Galilee.

A group of men hold a tribal ceremony of throwing plastic chairs at each other, and I finish an encouraging phone call with Estelle, who reveals that she has identified a need for Israeli advocacy.

Gal Gadot, she says, is not fulfilling her explanatory role.

Noa Tashvi, she says, is full of good intentions, but even fluent English will not arouse any international interest in her.

But you, she says.

You can be the symbol of the struggle.

Who but Amber, who survived the inferno, will mediate the complex Israeli reality to the world.

From here the path to casting the next Wonder Woman is only a matter of time.

I see redemption in my future.

Yes, it's a story of redemption.

"A fascinating chain of scents of sewage, urine and pastry".

Amber Heard in Israel, photo: Nir Pekin

August 10

Eve, the baby (whose name, it turns out, is Una Page. Who knew) and I have been waiting at the airport for 18 hours.

Earlier we said goodbye to our luggage.

We hope to meet her again in the December area.

Two hamburgers, a children's meal and 370 local currencies later, we board the plane.

Just before take off, I take one last breath from this place, which for a short time when my life was in turmoil and the noise around me did not stop, I had a home, a shelter and a place of refuge.

Or at least a stairwell.

Were we wrong?

We will fix it!

If you found an error in the article, we would appreciate it if you shared it with us

Source: israelhayom

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