"Quiet births": this is how Kadisha companies cut a coupon Israel today

Marriott and Guy Cohen from Rehovot found themselves a month ago in an impossible situation: an hour after their baby died, they had to make big decisions at that very moment.

"After the birth, a social worker called us to her room and explained the options: burial in a mass grave, burial in Beit Shemesh or the possibility of doing it privately," says Marriott, "she said that a minority chooses the latter option, but we wanted to know where our baby would be buried and that it would be close to our house. We went to a private cemetery that appears on the lists of the Ministry of Religion, and they demanded NIS 40,000 from us. This is an absurd amount. I was very surprised by the amount, which I felt was completely unreasonable. It is true that a private burial in Israel is a luxury, but it is still an excessive amount."

The story of the Cohen couple is far from unusual.

Testimonies obtained by Israel Hayom show that Kadisha companies refuse to bury fetuses who died before birth and babies who died during birth, or alternatively demand tens of thousands of shekels for burial from families.

Despite the fact that already in 2014 a team was established to examine the handling of the issue, the procedures it published are not implemented.

The Ministry of Religion data shows that in 2020, 1,564 stillborn fetuses were born.

In the past, some of the Kadisha companies refused to reveal where they bury the newborns, but a public struggle was supposed to bring about a change.

"The parents want to close a circle", photo: Yehoshua Yosef

Sign and don't understand

According to a new procedure, which came into effect in 2014, the prices for the burial of the fetuses were supposed to decrease and an orderly way of dealing with the families was established.

But the instructions are separate and the reality is separate.

From testimonies that emerge from the field, it becomes clear that there are Kadisha companies that are still piling up difficulties so that the hot potato does not reach their doorstep.

Facing them are families of children who died before or immediately after birth, and who have very little information about the options before them, which allows them to be manipulated.

Since the parents are usually unaware of their rights and no party provides them with the relevant information, an absurd situation has arisen in which parents are required to sign various documents regarding the burial, a few minutes after the most difficult moment in their lives, without them understanding the meaning of this.

About a month ago, a new regulation was approved by the Labor and Welfare Committee, according to which parents of deceased babies will pay the same amount as the burial of an adult.

This is a step in the right direction, but apart from the financial issue, there are other problems that remain open - such as making the information accessible to the family.

Thus, a couple recently turned to several Kadisha companies in Jerusalem after the mother had a quiet birth, but some of them demanded 7,000 shekels to carry out the burial.

At one of the Kadisha companies they were informed that they were ready for them to attend the funeral ceremony, but would not give them the location of the grave.

Only after pressure from "Atim" - an organization that helps when meeting with religious services - and the Ministry of Religious Services, permission was received and a place was found for the fetus in the grave whose location the parents know.

We want to close a circle

In the case of the Cohen couple, the matter is settled.

Accompanied by "Atim" they buried the baby, free of charge, through a Kadisha society in Rehovot, but according to Marriott, things were not supposed to go the way they did.

According to them, "We had to be very closed to ourselves during the most difficult time. We are now in all kinds of silent birth groups, and we hear of many people whose baby was buried in a mass grave or in a place that is not accessible to them. Sometimes they don't even know where he is buried and they don't have an address to find out . It feels like no one wants to deal with this issue. The parents, who have just lost the most precious of all, deserve a grave where they can go and mourn."

"Many inquiries that reach our aid center deal with the refusal of Kadisha companies to allow parents to be present at the funeral ceremony or with the demand for payment of thousands of shekels for the purpose, but most of the inquiries that reach us are from parents who want to close the circle," says the Atim association, "such as those who lost a baby and want us to help them locate the place of burial. The authorities must act together in order to make it easier for the parents who had to go through this difficult experience."

There was no response from the Ministry of Religion until the time of publishing the news.

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