“Normally, Frida is a very independent little girl.
But since we are on vacation at the sea, she constantly asks to be carried.
Like many parents, Melanie Grandgirard, illustrator for children (1), spends her holidays with her 2 and a half year old daughter.
But unlike the rest of the year, the child finds it more difficult to be separated from her parents, even for a few moments.
Explanations with three specialists.
A child "pot of glue" will "mobilize attention by crying, speaking or touching", says Florence Millot, child psychologist.
This is confirmed by child psychiatrist Stéphane Clerget (2), who adds that a “sticky” child will prefer “to deprive himself of an activity rather than having to separate from his parents” for an hour.
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Loss of bearings, freer parents...
If it is a “normal phase” between 2 and 5 years old, how can we explain that this type of behavior can sometimes increase during the holidays?
For toddlers, this summer period can be “a first”.
Synonymous with “expatriation”, the child loses his bearings, “he no longer has his usual setting, which can be a source of stress”, estimates the psychologist.
Especially since the rest of the year, between school and extracurricular activities, the child is used to being constantly stimulated and being the center of attention.
Florence Millot continues: “Finding himself thus left to himself, the child needs all the more to be reassured.”
Change of scenery can be a source of stress
Florence Millot, child psychologist
"Exempted from their professional constraints, parents seek to regain a certain freedom during their holidays", points out Dominique de Saint Mars, author of the comic book series
Max and Lili
.
“So they want to make their kids more independent, and the kids feel that.
Thinking of being rejected, they then stick more to their parents.
A phenomenon sometimes accentuated during holidays with friends, concedes the author: “In a festive setting, young children unaccustomed to seeing their parents like this may not recognize them.
In order to make sure that they are well, they are not going to let go of them any more.
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Catch up
If the feeling of insecurity and the loss of bearings seem almost logical, Florence Millot and Stéphane Clerget agree that this behavior reflects a deeper feeling in the child.
"When they're on vacation, kids want to make up for lost time the rest of the year."
Period during which the parents are often “mentally unavailable”, underlines the psychologist.
“When they work, parents spend time with their offspring, but they are often preoccupied with their daily worries.
Consequently, they are only very rarely 100% with their children, ”says the specialist.
A phenomenon which is also explained by the fact that today, “family moments are more and more restricted”, she adds.
Hence the need for children to compensate during the holidays.
More towards the end of the summer, underlines Stéphane Clerget, where “the child will anticipate the start of the school year and therefore, the separation to come.”
"Over-empowerment of his child"
A “sticky” child is above all a child who “irritates his parents”.
“It all depends on the limit they can reach,” quips the psychologist.
Hence the need to discuss it with those around you, especially if you are going on vacation with friends.
Florence Millot wants to be reassuring: "Some parents who consider their child too "sticky" will then realize that his behavior is normal, especially if the child is very young."
"It's a natural need.
The child ensures his safety, especially in a place he does not know, adds Stéphane Clerget.
But today, we tend to over-autonomize our child.
We would like him to be able to do everything very quickly and alone (eat, dress, play, etc.), but we tend to forget that he is not necessarily mature so quickly emotionally.
Exchange to reassure him
But if this behavior were to jeopardize the long-awaited holidays in Lot-et-Garonne, there are solutions.
“It is fundamental to favor moments when the child will feel that his parents are only there for him.
You obviously have to talk to him about it, and try to understand what is wrong and why he has this behavior, explains Dominique de Saint Mars.
But be careful, however, never to make fun of him by calling him a “pot of glue”, and especially not in public”, she underlines.
Today, we would like a child to know how to do everything very quickly
Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist
Stéphane Clerget, meanwhile, encourages parents to take their child to his own game. can manage alone.
At the same time, he will feel less anxious because he will have understood that you are not rejecting him”, and this, even if you are not constantly with him.
When the situation becomes too heavy, Florence Millot recommends not to hesitate to “leave your child with a trusted person to rest.
A parent who takes time for himself will be better able to welcome his child afterwards.
Also, she advises to “prioritize quality time rather than quantity”.
Even during the holidays.
(1)
Scratch the elephant is too sticky,
Melanie Grandgirard and Coralie Saudo, from 3 years old, published by Auzou, €5.95.
(2)
Pocket pedopsy
, Stéphane Clerget, Marabout editions, €6.50.