As the years go by with the cell phone in our lives, the addiction to it increases alarmingly.
You can see people walking the streets with their eyes in it, and almost get run over by a passing vehicle;
texting while driving a car or scooter, and the next second you crash into a pillar or run over an elderly woman, who is also playing Candy Crush;
And mostly they rub it with a minimal lack of politeness while making small talk with a co-worker, friend or relative they haven't met in ten years.
You can have a pleasant conversation with someone, and suddenly he receives a message or just a push from some flower delivery app, and within a second the person starts talking slowly, doesn't answer questions, and you are the last thing in the world that interests him.
It is much more important for him to concentrate on the proposal for a "spring package", which combines a bouquet of orchids and a case of pralines.
I read somewhere that small children will do anything to get attention from their parents, including hitting their younger siblings, making weird faces that might make the parents leave their cell phones and relate to them, because they will remind them of emojis, or simply throw their parents' cell phones in the toilet, because they Understand that he is currently their favorite brother - and this is the only way for the human brothers to regain respect and listening.
I guess I'm no different in this regard than anyone else, so my wife and I have an agreed-upon code designed to ease the addiction: because one of our close friends is a great professor and brain surgeon whose every minute at work can save a life, whenever I'm busy with my eyes on the cell phone, while we're together , and in moments that are what is commonly called "quality time", she mockingly asks me if I just received urgent information regarding a brain surgery I am about to perform on a patient on his deathbed.
This sentence usually does the trick, reminding me that I'm wasting my life on bullshit.
The problem is that it usually lasts until the next WhatsApp message, which returns the situation to normal until my next brain surgery.
And the question is whether, in light of the nonsense I'm busy with, I'll still have a brain left.
Most of the people I know don't comment on Ben Shicham when he moves into a world that is all mobile, maybe because they too are just watching a fascinating YouTube video about a hamster playing basketball.
But if you already tell someone that you lost them because they switched to communicating with their cell phone or punch them in the face, they will usually answer you with the word "no" at the beginning of the sentence.
"No, I just have to answer my boss, he asks when I'm coming tomorrow" (so what if it's Friday and he's unemployed at all), or some other nonsense.
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So that you always have a good answer in the style of my brain surgeon and the first lady, explaining why you prefer the cell phone to your offline interlocutor, I have put together some good answers for you that will do the job and make it clear that what you do on the phone is more important than devoting another half hour to a conversation with The parents, children, friends or spouse.
We have memorized some phrases that suit you and you can shoot them easily and without even having to lift your head from the screen.
"Are you with me or on the phone?"
1. No, I just got hired at an institution.
We have a spy in Syria who is one minute away from bombing the nuclear reactor.
The problem is that he can't buy explosives because he forgot the secret code for the ATM, and I have to take care of it with the Surya-Card credit company.
2. No, simply President Biden wanted to know in the WhatsApp group "Old and Happy" what I think about the American economy and the subprime crisis, and also to understand what it is exactly.
3. No, there is a leak in the Dimona reactor, and a friend asks me if I happen to have BJ Bond or Isolirband and a spare Swedish key.
4. No, my friend just bought a monkey nft, and he's looking for a link to Safari in Ramat Gan.
5. No, Milchan got stuck with copious amounts of pink champagne, and Mariah Carey asked me to hook Packer up with George Hinavi.
6. No, Static and Ben-El are looking to add two more members to the lineup and become a quartet, and asked if my friends Dynamic and Hananel are available.
7. No, it's just that the army is about to enter Gaza, and my friend, who is a major in armor, asks if I happen to have a tank available for the evening and if I have a C license.
8. No, a friend got stuck with no juice for his son's bra and asked if I had a Swiss army knife, and if I could lend a hand.
9. No, Elon Musk is stuck with a Tesla without a battery on the Prairie Highway, sends him a friend with cables.
10. No, Donald Trump called that the FBI had broken into his mansion, and asked if he could store a box of documents and a Playboy model with me for the time being.
11. No, Professor Ada Yonat texted me to ask my opinion on the new scientific study, which states that watching stupid videos on TikTok contributes to longevity, an increase in IQ and an improvement in man's strength.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il
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