Harassed everywhere: women who have been sexually assaulted tell about the traumatic experience

A social worker, an army officer, a trucking company employee who came to install a bed.

Women are harassed by men on a daily basis, and sometimes it happens in the most unexpected places.

Testimonies of 5 women who tell Walla!

For what they went through, the suppression and the difficulty to complain, and the turning of the back by society and the legal systems

Kerin Sagi

08/23/2022

Tuesday, August 23, 2022, 1:07 p.m. Updated: Saturday, September 03, 2022, 10:55 a.m.

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Women live in a daily reality where sexual harassment is commonplace.

Quite a few of the headlines in the media deal with suspicions and indictments against sex offenders, especially celebrities.

But there are quite a few cases where women are attacked in places where they are supposed to feel the safest.

If it is in the workplace, in the army, and even in their homes.

Walla!

Collected testimonies of five women who were sexually harassed precisely in a place where they did not expect such a thing to happen.

They told about the struggle, the difficulty and the fear of complaining and confronting the harassers, and also about the treatment they received from those in authority and from the enforcement systems.

Lee Hadad, 32 years old, from Kochav Yair, in a relationship with a boy, a student of psychotherapy, was raped as a child, and tells about the post-trauma experience that erupted at the age of 23 following the incident.

"It took a while until I got to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed. I started to rehabilitate, and I decided that I also wanted to be a therapist, and help people like me to rehabilitate. I became a rehabilitation instructor in an association that helps people with coping."

Precisely in the supposedly safe workplace, where she worked for almost a year, she tells me about the harassment she experienced.

"For about six months out of my time there, I was sexually harassed by the social worker of the place. He made progress while he was harassing me, and I'm sure others too. I complained, and the manager threw out that there were girls before they chose not to complain about him. For five months I insisted that he was harassing me in every way Once we meet. Suddenly I started not sleeping at night, locking myself in the bathroom, vomiting, had eating disorders. My whole life turned upside down and I returned to what I was at the age of 23."

According to her, she decided to act following the advice of her friends.

"One day I was approached by two good friends who noticed that I was in trouble. I innocently told them about things that were happening at work, and they were shocked and opened my eyes that what I was going through was not normal and that it was harassment."

"He would smell me and say that I smelled good and wanted to come to my house. He would hug and kiss in an unpleasant way. Touching, caressing, wet kisses on the cheek, comments out of place. I chose to complain because I reached a state of dysfunction. I went on sick leave and complained At work. They said that because no criminal case has been opened and there is no decision regarding him, they cannot fire him. They offered me to continue working but not with him, to transfer to another area."

Later she also filed a police complaint.

"They said they interrogated him, it's been six months since the last time. I'm waiting for a confrontation with him."

In the middle she revealed to me that she was pregnant.

"I was in advanced pregnancy with symptoms of post-traumatic stress. How will I find a new job? I was left with nothing, and he still works there. When I was eight months along, they called me and asked about a meeting date, I said I was about to give birth and that they would consider it. They said there was no problem and they haven't spoken to me since." .

She expressed her concern about more women working with the social worker.

"He works with a disadvantaged population, I'm sure that if his name comes up more girls will go and file a complaint. Girls come to this association for temporary work there, young women, students. I don't want to know what he is capable of doing. If he did this to me, a 31-year-old woman with knowledge and experience, and he knew I was post-traumatic, didn't want to think about what might happen to younger girls."

"Yeh hugs and kisses in an unpleasant way."

Lee Hadad (photo: courtesy of those photographed)

Sharon Leshem, 31 years old, from Tel Aviv, tells about the harassment she experienced from an unexpected place.

"My friend and I moved in together, we ordered a bed base. We arranged transportation. He arrived in the morning, I woke up in my pajamas, opened the door for him and he actually installed the bed. When he finished the work, he asked me to sign a form that everything was fine. I had a desk in the living room and bent down to sign. Suddenly I felt him grab the back of my neck. I remember what went through my mind was that my life was going to change. I was alone, my partner had already gone to work. It was a scary moment. I froze at first. I think one of the things that was on my mind, Really how to react: freeze, fight or run away. At that time I was working on my short film - "Alama", a film that dealt with sexual violence against women. A central interest in the film is a reaction in such a situation."

Sharon tells how she dealt with the frightening situation.

"He gave me a kind of massage on my neck. I told myself I would give a fight, I screamed at him like crazy, 'Get out of my sight, what do you think you're doing'. He got scared and just ran away. I called my girlfriend crying. I realized what happened. She said something that really He strengthened me to continue: 'Sharon, what you just told me happened is what happened. Because what will happen is that they will convince you that it is not what happened. Don't change this memory.' This gave me a lot of confidence that this was not a misunderstanding. This is really what happened. I called my partner, he came home from work and called his boss. I felt that something had to be done."

"A lot of people may really freeze, this must be his successful method," adds Sharon and tells about the reaction of the managers at the transport company, after she turned to complain.

"His boss was very opposed to my version. He said it didn't make sense, and that he knew him and his family. It was clear to me that he wouldn't do anything. The harasser's version was that maybe the plastic of the package touched the back of my head and it created confusion. This is nonsense, I felt the hand His caresses and massages the back of his neck."

Sharon also complained to the police, and a confrontation took place between her and the employee, a situation she describes as complex.

"It was difficult, but very satisfying. He lied and said he didn't remember me at all. It ended after two months due to lack of evidence. Since then I have been wary when someone comes to fix something in my apartment. It knocked something out of my trust in people. Even if I order a pizza I will wear a bra, Because then I was in pajamas and without a bra."

I screamed madly at him.

Dark street, illustration (Photo: Maged Gozni)

S., from Kfar Saba, in her 50s, worked in a residential building, which is also an apartment hotel, as the building's lobby clerk.

"A guy worked next to me who was a hotel receptionist. He was a veteran and taught me how to work there. He would reach out. A hand to Tusik, put his hand in my underwear. I was afraid to speak, I was afraid that I would be fired. I talked to someone from work, I told the manager of the building. They initially said they would fire him. But I had a bad feeling. A feeling that it wasn't going to end like this. I started recording conversations at the workplace. I record all conversations related to work to protect myself."

According to her, when she complained at the workplace, the act actually worked against her.

"It turned out to me that they moved him to another building, and brought him back. They took me to talks that I would stay, that we would do shifts not on the same days and hours. It gives me chills to see him. After three months, they stopped giving me shifts. They left me at home without a job. All of a sudden."

Even when she complained to the police and came to a confrontation with the attacker, the system did not work in her favor.

"There was a confrontation and I felt that the policewoman was on his side. She started saying, 'You know, he can go to jail.' Says she sees that I work well. And in court they say exactly the opposite."

According to S., since the incident, her trust in men has been severely damaged.

"Since then I distance myself from men. I see a man and I'm in high school. I was married to a man who thought I was a sexual object. Women should understand that we shouldn't be ashamed, they who offend should be ashamed."

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"Something knocked my trust in people."

Dark street, illustration (Photo: Maged Gozni)

Cases of sexual harassment do not escape the army either.

Shahar Fatal, 26 years old, experienced one during her service in the IDF. "I was an education NCO. Coincidentally, the education NCO who was before me told me not to get close to one guy, and to warn him.

She said that he put his hands on her, while she still had a partner.

He was an officer.

I arrived at the unit and he was caught on me, he kept coming to my office, saying let's sit down for a cigarette.

He was an AGM officer, so everything would go through him. I had to be on good terms with him because of the position."

Shahar describes the officer's actions.

"He would do unpleasant things. I would put his hand and caress my thigh. I was confused, we were like friends, but it was strange to me. He kept wanting us to sit together. I realized that if I don't say okay to him, then things fall for me in everything related to for the work I had to do. He would hurt me at work. I was in a situation where I felt I had to be nice to him."

"If he dropped me off at the residence, he would bring me closer, caress my hair, grab the back of my neck. He didn't kiss, but he was always on edge. He came to my father's shiva and put his hand on my thigh in a bad part. I

remember there was a Purim project that they attached him to me, we made a video inside a car, it had to be filmed at 6 in the morning so that the car was empty. I remember being afraid that he would rape me. I had a sense of danger all the time. He would enter me and close the door. He would bring my chair closer to him in a way One with his crotch on me. He pressed his body against mine. It's considered like a gray area. There was nothing active, but it's unpleasant."

Sharon tells about the complaint filed against the officer by another female officer who was harassed by him.

"He literally groped her, pinned her against the wall and she filed a complaint. She was looking for other girls who had been hurt by him, and that opened Pandora's box. Five girls arrived, we were all soldiers except for the officer. The military police said that we should have a confrontation with him, I didn't have the strength and I decided retire. I regret it, because after me all the female soldiers retired, and the officer came out as a 'liar'. Her life in the unit was miserable until she decided to retire. She said she still had nightmares. Really disappointed that this is what happened.

She tells about other cases in the unit. "He He sent a soldier home, kissed her and she said to him 'what happened?'

He said to her, 'What do you have, Tazori?'

There was a female driver who put his hand on her crotch.

I believe there are other girls who haven't spoken.

I checked on him, he works today at Hi-Tech.

I would love for them to know what he did.

He progressed and succeeded in life and it's hard." She describes the feeling of failure for not complaining against him. "I want to go out on him and I'm afraid.

I felt then that I was in a gray area and I had nothing to do with it.

If I went back in time I wouldn't have given up on him, so I didn't understand that it didn't stop with me, I didn't understand how much it could go forward if it wasn't stopped.

This case sits on me."

"I know his children."

Illustration (photo: official website, Walla system!)

A recent case happened in one of the kibbutzim in the north of the country, to Ariel, a resident of the kibbutz.

"We had a business center in the kibbutz, and a respected kibbutz member who was in charge of this center harassed me several times. I know his children, his grandchildren in kindergarten with my children. We live in a small company, his parents are famous. There is a price for complaining. The feeling was Mara, he also closed my business due to his power. I told a friend and she herself was harassed by him. She told me that we have to stop it, because we are not the only ones, and that he has been harassing girls for years. Of course I shared with the family, I knew that if there was support from the family I could do That. The girlfriend also said that she would say that he shoved his tongue in her mouth."

Ariel tells about the difficult time that has passed since she and other women decided to complain.

"We went to the police, after us someone else told about an incident that happened three years ago. I went to check years back. He chose women who are mostly not from the kibbutz originally, or single mothers. I am not a member of a kibbutz. My family lineage has meaning in the kibbutz. They used to camp in the kibbutz - The person responsible for sexual harassment made a pilgrimage to him, was in his camp. It was clear that people in the kibbutz had a hard time how they would perceive the kibbutz from the outside. We received harsh responses on Facebook, 'How dare we do this'."

As in similar cases, the criminal case was closed, but the women won a civil lawsuit in court.

"We won a civil verdict, the judge said that there is no doubt that he did what he did. We also reached the stories from 30 years ago, we also received compensation. The verdict was almost six months ago, but a publication ban was imposed on him. We sued for harassment, it was difficult to prove . She did not make an unequivocal determination. He is offering himself for a key position in the kibbutz. He is accused of three sexual assaults, albeit in a civil proceeding. It is outrageous because I cannot tell the verdict. We will request that it be removed on appeal."

"There are still nightmares."

Poster of the movie Alma directed by Sharon Leshem (photo: official website, Maor Alters)

Attorney Roni Sadovnik, who represented Ariel and S. from Kfar Saba, criticizes the legal systems, starting with the police, the prosecutor's office and the courts, when it comes to sexual and violent crimes. "I thought to Tomi at the beginning that the state represents the girls in the criminal process.

Through many cases I realized that it is not like that.

Today I accompany the victims, and also victims, even before they go to complain to the police.

It is a personal risk to file a complaint when the complainant does not speak the legal language and say 'I think' or 'I think'.

Many times girls minimize what happened, and themselves.

For example, they put a question mark instead of an exclamation point in their tone of voice, and then say it's a false complaint.

Today when a woman files a complaint, there is a warning that if the complaint is found to be incorrect and unfounded it will be used against her.

Show me a complaint about theft, or about anything else, they don't tell him to be careful before you file a complaint."

According to Attorney Sabodnik, there is a problem with the investigation of the complainants, because they do not always understand how to deal with the investigators, who stick to legal formulations.

The girls don't understand that they don't ask to embarrass, but to understand what act or what offense was committed.

Regarding evidence, it is possible that the complainant remembers that she wore a skirt one time and pants another time.

This does not mean that the hard core is not true.

The police should recognize this.

The prosecutor's office wants to close cases with a plea deal.

Usually, two years are given to the offender because he confesses.

Most of the victims are not interested in a plea deal.

The accused confess and then say that they just confessed to end the case.

The premise of a tort court is that rape does not cause harm.

The burden of proof is on the complainant to prove that she suffered damage."

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