"Two tips for the holiday", advise Sandra Sade and Moni Moshunov in a new commercial for a commercial company.
"One - set the holiday table with two types of plates, so that there is variety, and the other - make sure that the table is in another house."
In this advertisement is folded the ambivalence that many of us feel when the holidays approach.
About what and why the ambivalence?
On the one hand, the holidays are experienced as an opportunity to meet, to belong, to feel out of the ordinary, to feel festive - and on the other hand, they also bring us together with concerns, insults, considerations, anxiety about loneliness, meeting people we wouldn't choose to meet with if we could choose.
That's why the question comes: "So where are you during the holidays?", which becomes the blessing of peace or the opening sentence in almost every conversation before the holidays.
This is a seemingly innocent question, which may be loaded, to the point that some of us sometimes prepare an answer for it in advance.
This question represents a built up that is being built up more and more towards the holiday, and this is the extroverted part that has very characteristic expressions in the streets, in the shops, colorfully, in abundance.
The hosts are busy with issues such as the color of the tablecloth (spoiler: white) and matching the napkins to the candles and flowers.
The TV shows, blogs and social networks are full of recipes and suggestions for entertaining "that will make everyone wonder".
There is a process of idealizing the holiday, which should be perfect, but this whole occurrence has another layer.
Holidays create a high expectation for a meeting that expresses a person's degree of belonging to the social system of his life.
The tribe met.
Belonging is one of the deepest emotional-social needs that exist.
Are you in the herd or are you not in the herd?
Are you a zebra that will be out of the loop?
It's evolutionary.
If you are outside the circle, the tiger is closer, meaning your chances of survival are lower.
This is the connection between the apple in the honey and the tiger.
In practice, the meeting during the holidays overflows with different contents.
Feelings of anxiety also arise from people who feel less belonging or even loneliness.
The fear of not being invited, or being invited and encountering feelings of low self-worth.
Dealing with differences in economic, occupational, marital status, in the success of our children and all this - straight to the face.
And within this comes the test of accepting people and children with disabilities.
How much we want them to be there.
Who will accommodate and who will not.
Under the white holiday clothes, there is a pinch in the heart - each and every one and their pinch.
Perhaps the most beautiful gift you can give and receive this holiday is compassion for ourselves, for those around us, and an understanding that we all bring rich colors.
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