Suspect cheating?

Do and don't do in the moments of truth

When the spouse is not behaving like the day before yesterday and something "smells" wrong, we want to find out the truth right away, here and now.

But impulsive actions come at a price.

What is right to do and what is absolutely forbidden in case of suspicion of treason?

Private investigator Yehuda Reuvani explains

In collaboration with legal zap

07/09/2022

Wednesday, September 7, 2022, 1:31 p.m

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Cheating can have far-reaching consequences for the continuation of the relationship (Photo: ShutterStock)

Betrayal of a spouse is one of the most difficult and disturbing things a person can experience.

When we suspect that our partner is unfaithful to us, it is very difficult to sleep at night.

The heart beats, the thoughts don't let up, and all we want to do is find out right away, here and now, whether our suspicion is true.

Or then it seems to us that all means are kosher.

The feelings are understandable, but there are a few things that are important to know: betrayal can have far-reaching consequences on the continuation of relationships, the structure of the family and even on our financial future, so just when we want to break the dishes with a loud noise, the right thing to do is the exact opposite - take a deep breath and think quietly , and then act in a correct way that will minimize the harm to us and benefit us the most.

Before approaching the right way to investigate infidelity, it is useful to check if the direction is right, if our suspicions are justified and what are the behaviors that should really arouse our suspicion.

"The strongest sign of infidelity is very simple - our gut feeling," says private investigator Yehuda Reuveni from the Or Hikiro investigation office.

"This gut feeling arises when the spouse doesn't behave like the day before. It's not something specific, and it's something that's hard to put one's finger on because, as mentioned, it's a feeling, but if it's there - there's no sense in ignoring it."

"Of course not. The gut feeling is only the beginning, but it is not enough. The gut feeling should be backed up by unreasonable behavior. For example, frequent fights and reconciliations, multiple arguments, impatience, paying more attention to the appearance than usual, spending more time with friends than usual - These are the first signs, and to them are added behaviors such as frequent use of the phone, staying at work late, unexplained withdrawals from the ATM, unusual things that happen and a general distancing from the spouse."

"This is the time to act correctly, and not in an impulsive way. Since you can't really keep the difficult feelings in your stomach, I do recommend having a clarifying conversation with your partner, asking if something is going on, but not doing anything beyond that without consulting a private investigator, because every A step that will be taken from now on has consequences."

The consequences, Reuvani explains, may be familial, financial and even criminal, and most importantly - they may affect the results of the divorce if we turn to this channel, so it is critical to know what is permissible and desirable to do and what is prohibited."

Suspect cheating?

These are the things that must not be done

, even though this action may be called for, Reuveni emphasizes that any action involving intrusion into the privacy of the spouse is prohibited.

This is illegal and has serious consequences that can lead to lawsuits for invasion of privacy, restraining orders and future consequences for the nature of the divorce.

Prohibited invasion of privacy includes the use of the sophisticated technologies of quoting, photographing and tracking.

It is forbidden to attach a GPS to the car, it is forbidden to hide a listening device in the bedroom, on the phone, in the car or anywhere else.

It is forbidden to use software that knows how to track the actions performed on the computer, it is forbidden to hack passwords.

"It is very tempting to use these technologies, because they can verify the suspicion," says Reuvani.

"The problem with them, beyond the criminal aspect, is that since they are illegal, it will not be possible to present them as evidence in court, and then we actually lost the cards we had in our hands. In advance, we need to obtain that evidence in a legal way."

Another thing that many do not know is that a person who is not a qualified private investigator is not allowed to conduct surveillance, even when it comes to the spouse.

If they discover that they have been the target of illegal surveillance, they can issue restraining orders and file lawsuits.

Therefore, when you want to follow up, you should contact a qualified private investigator.

Finally, Reuvani recommends contacting a private investigator at the initial stage, and at the end of the private investigation and receiving all the results, determine the next step.

"Many people who begin the investigation process do not know how to answer the question - what will you do if you discover infidelity - will you get a divorce? Will you talk? Will you go to couples therapy? Therefore, before contacting a lawyer you need to know what the goal is. As soon as the investigator verifies the suspicions and as soon as there is a solid opinion on the methods In the future, it is possible and desirable to contact a lawyer."

, so what should and can be done?

For each and every one of the recommendations will be slightly different and will be defined in a personal consultation with the private researcher, but usually the following recommendations will be given, among others:

(Legal) monitoring according to an agreed time frame - "Since it is impossible to monitor all day, I recommend monitoring during disaster-prone hours," says Reuvani.

"During the lunch hours, we would like to see who they leave work with and where. After work, we will check if there are breaks on the way, as well as when spending time in the evening with friends or going out for a fun day after work."

Financial investigation - "When someone cheats, in his heart he knows it will probably end badly, and many times he takes preliminary steps for divorce," says Reuvani.

"Therefore, I highly recommend conducting a financial investigation, of course legally by a private investigator, which will reveal whether the other party has additional property that the betrayed party does not know about. Is he withdrawing funds? Did he take a pay cut in order to go to trial with a minimum wage and pay a little alimony ?".

Bottom line: Cheating is an emotional matter that is almost impossible to keep in the stomach, so the recommendation is to have a clarifying conversation with your partner.

Beyond that, at this stage it is extremely important not to reveal to the other party what we know.

Beyond the clarification conversation, any information you discover should remain with you, so that the other party does not make quick moves such as hiding evidence or property and erase the achievements made in the private investigation.

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article courtesy of Zap Legal

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