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Breezing, lying, getting drunk: singles face the holidays

Matchmakers Billy and Ruit try to answer the eternal question of how to survive the holidays as singles and stay alive, and reveal the ways that our country's bachelors and bachelorettes have found to deal with the problem.

Spoiler - these are difficult pictures

the matchmakers

09/23/2022

09/23/2022

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Establishing shot: a massive and elaborate table for a New Year's Eve dinner.

Not a single grandmother and grandfather can be found around;

Neither father nor mother;

And not even the troublesome aunt and uncle.

So what causes about 15 young guys, more or less, to gather and celebrate the holiday together apart from their family?

Are these Israelis in India, New Zealand or South America?

No, no and no.

This is Florentine, and these are friends and friends of friends, almost all single, who decided this year to celebrate together as usual (well, roughly as usual) in order to escape from their families.

But why exactly?

We all know the ten plagues from Seder night.

But many of us also unfortunately "get" to know the other well-known hit of the Tishrei and Rosh Hashanah holidays - hit of singles.

The same stressful and pressing blow from our large Jewish families, those who in the last holidays came back to them in a big way - after the limited gathering during the Corona days.

On the face of it, who but our family should know us well from head to toe, about our sensitivities and the things that bother us.

But for many of us in reality the situation is far from that, especially when the extended family is also involved.

The stings and the passive-aggressive hints are quite clear from the people around the table.

The tactless mouthfuls from the uncles.

And of course the hidden competition between the parents and the hidden jealousy of the "Bantalim", or by their other name - Mr. and Mrs. "Soon at your place".

They take such pains to show extroverted pride in the family line they have built to glory, thanks to the cute grandchildren brought to them by their children who are several years younger than us.

From the side they all look like they just stepped out of a sugary holiday catalog for the perfect IKEA family, while modeling a saccharine idyll.

And between us, who knows what really happens there behind closed doors or the very first moment they fold back into the car.

But in the meantime, as long as they model here for our parents their wet dream about us, then what can be done about it?

A disgusted single woman (Photo: ShutterStock)

Let's take for example Matan, 33 years old. He is made of the type that has developed the skin of an elephant and knows how to put the right person in his place.

How many times had he heard from his parents that they were not getting any younger and would be very happy for the child.

His constant answer, which he enjoys pulling out a smiley face, especially in front of the guests, is that he too would definitely be happy for a little brother.

This is how he sits perfumed and smiling with a glass of wine at the table when he is not really moved by the whispers behind his back or direct comments to his face, and flows with the uncles' jokes on the subject which are supposedly very, very funny.

In short, from the tape, dealing with it is simply putting a line, until the other side breaks down and despairs.

One can understand Matan's lightness, considering that he still remains relatively on the small fire in his family.

Before we take care of him, around the table sits a more convenient target for sending arrows and igniting flames - his Danish cousin, also single.

Although she is younger than him, only 31, but with the previous generation, like the previous generation, they are much more disturbed and nosy about her being a "mature" woman and that this is exactly her time, than about Matan's continued singleness.

But Danit for her part is not a sucker at all, and last holiday she did a nice exercise for the family.

After about a date and a half, she brought Gil to their table, whom she "launched" in front of everyone and thus gained some breathing space.

In practice, this evening was for both of them just another initial and slightly strange date, when to be honest it was still quite understandable to them at the beginning that it was doubtful how much longer it would last.

But at that moment there was a common combination of interests between the parties - she was awarded one holiday of grace, while the 37-year-old Gil, who is currently in the only state of accumulation with his family is that of a total tap, got to slip away too easily this time.

Danit got the idea from her friend Mittel, who boldly took it even one step further.

For her part, she launched at the holiday table not another optional date at the beginning under the guise of a new serious relationship, but a fictitious partner for all intents and purposes in order to win a green card from her family - her friend Tomer.

In similar circumstances, he also avoids his family and doesn't really miss their Kumsi-Kumsa food,

And so he earned a great evening and great food that he had promised in advance.

Win-win for all parties.

Billy and Roy.

Modern matchmakers (Photo: Noa Rosen)

Speaking of fine food at the holiday table - so for Shay, already close to 40, the preparation tactic is different.

His great love is for cooking, as a kind of therapy and escapist hobby among other things from the frustration of his bachelorhood.

And he is already aware in advance that the more he concentrates during the evening in the kitchen and away from the hustle and bustle, the less his resonant singleness will stand out to the eye.

And if he will attract attention, it is especially due to his being the star of the holiday cooking that will accordingly draw mostly compliments.

All of these bother to show up at the family table (theirs or at least others') and cope with different methods, all in order not to be left alone and plunge into the famous holiday depression.

But it turns out that not everyone is like them, and some have decided in advance that they are out of the game.

That's how 34-year-old Tali says that as much as she wishes to find someone, it doesn't work for her and the pressure and embarrassment just keep increasing.

Hence the holidays are a double and redoubled pain for her, both from the fact that she is single and to add insult to injury - from the feedback she absorbs and takes to heart accordingly.

She's already warned her tactless family, and still nothing helps with the constant mouthings.

So the solution - in London, despair becomes more comfortable, you understand?

And abroad instead of Holon is another case invested in relation to Orit, who is like her in the same age and situation, and is quite stubborn in her own right. She is tired of being a "prisoner of Zion" in front of the extended family with whom she feels she doesn't have much in common, and has decided that it really isn't doing her any good. The one who broke the bachelor's back was on Seder night a year and a half ago,

When she arrived hurt and depressed in the days of a fresh breakup and immediately inquired about where the ex was.

Since all the last holidays the breeze, after she realized that it is most pleasant and right for her to spend the holiday eve with a solo meal of Bamba and her voice in front of Netflix, and a court will not help here.

So we all have a way through which we will deal with the difficulty, if it does exist.

And as for the families we are dear to, they must understand that excessive pressure, even if it comes from purely good intentions, may in retrospect cause them to lose us in a big way.

The challenge is to communicate this to them in the right way that will be received in a positive way, and thus try to avoid confrontations that will leave repercussions among the other party as well.

And the tip that we always make sure to pass on to the relationship seekers who come to us, is to take stock of our psyche in an optimal way that will produce added future value going forward.

To let go and think about what can be done next, instead of making it even more difficult for ourselves and repeating what is already clearly not successful.

After all, the cliché says that the Tishrei holidays are a time of opening and new beginnings, and especially when between family meals we have precious time to think, and perhaps also to take advantage of it to go out and get to know each other instead of being alone.

Or if you want - "begin a year with its blessings, end a year with its curses".

Happy holiday.

The authors are the owners of the dating project "Billie and Roy - like a friend who knows you"

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