Education: Five sentences destroy your child's self-confidence

Created: 09/24/2022, 10:00 am

By: Judith Brown

Communication is important in education.

If parents don't watch their language, it can damage children's self-confidence.

It is the task of parents to prepare their children for life by educating them.

This represents an immense challenge and understandably pushes some parents to their limits.

The upbringing of one's own childhood often plays a role, as a psychiatrist reveals.

Nevertheless, it is important to teach your own children independence and self-confidence.

In the stressful everyday family life, however, sentences are often spoken that parents mean well, but with which they can damage their children's self-confidence at the same time.

Therefore, it is best for them to remove these phrases from their vocabulary and replace them with better alternatives.

Education: Five sentences destroy your child's self-confidence

Children gain inner security and self-confidence when they know what is going on.

Parents should therefore not wrap a request as a request.

© Jana Fernow/IMAGO

Graduate psychologist Anke Precht is a mother of three children herself and therefore knows only too well how to speak and communicate with your children.

At

, she revealed which five sentences parents should avoid when raising their children:

1. "Would you please do your homework?"

With this sentence, a request is packaged as a request, which, according to Precht, is unfair to the child.

It seems to the child as if they are being given the choice of whether or not to do their homework.

But it has to motivate itself to do so.

Finally, the homework has to be done.

The sentence is meant to be polite, but it is a clear statement with no alternative.

Even if children may be mad at their parents at first, they need to know what's going on.

Only that gives them inner security.

Precht's recommendation is therefore: "Do it

They give clear instructions when something needs to be done: 'Put your shoes on now, we have to go.'

Or: '20 minutes left for homework.

Otherwise there won't be enough time for your favorite show.'” Only what can really be refused - such as help with the dishes - should be formulated as a request.

If the child refuses, parents should accept it.

2. "Wait—I'll help you!" Or, even worse, "I'll do it for you.":

So-called lawnmower parents in particular tend to remove all obstacles from their children's path.

Not infrequently, they even do the homework for their protégés.

However, there is nothing wrong with parental support and help.

However, if the sentence is repeated too often, the children get the signal: "You can't do this.

That's why I'm doing it.” Instead, tell your child, “Just give it a try.

I'm sure you can figure out how to do it.

If it's right, I'll support you.

But I know you can!”

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3. "Souuuuper!"

Everyone needs recognition and validation.

To express this, parents like to praise their children.

according to dr

Johanna Graf, psychologist and co-founder of the Institute for Strengthening Parenting Skills, praise is not always beneficial, however, because parents would often praise their children incorrectly.

Precht is also of the opinion that parents should praise, but not use praise in an inflationary way.

You should only give praise when there is something to be praised for and when the child is doing something like spearing the pasta with a fork for the first time.

If, on the other hand, the child is praised for everything, it does not learn to distinguish whether it has done something well or not so well.

The result of this is often that children no longer make an effort because their parents tell them that everything is going great.

In adult life, however, they often find it difficult to deal with criticism and do not see it as an incentive for further development.

The parenting expert therefore advises: “Only praise when your child has done something really well, and also say if you see potential for improvement and wish something different from the child.

Do it constructively: 'Hey, I know you can keep swimming!

Come on, let's do it again.'”

4. "You don't need to be afraid.

It doesn't hurt at all."

When parents say this sentence, they usually want to calm their child down.

This can be, for example, when you visit a doctor or receive a vaccination.

However, they tend to achieve the opposite by doing so, as words like “fear” and “hurts” begin to work.

Language is powerful, as can be seen in this case.

It is not only understood logically.

The mind paints inner pictures from this, which in turn have an effect on us humans.

Instead, tell your child, "Take a deep breath.

It stings a bit, and then it's done.

What do we do after that?”

5. "Paul does it much better." or "But your brother could do it at your age."

One of the biggest parenting mistakes parents can make is comparing themselves to other children.

Children then believe that their parents find other children or their siblings better than they do. What remains is the conviction: "I'm not good enough".

This can in turn damage your self-confidence immensely.

It is better to focus on your child's talents and to encourage them.

Even if a child has difficulties at school, it certainly has strengths and talents in other areas and also shows enthusiasm there.

This can be in sports or painting, for example.

Precht therefore advises parents to show the child how well they are doing and at the same time to demand commitment at school.

If the child then comes home with a better grade than before, parents should praise the child for it - and not point out that the person sitting next to him was even better.

This article only contains general information on the respective health topic and is therefore not intended for self-diagnosis, treatment or medication.

In no way does it replace a visit to the doctor.

Unfortunately, our editors are not allowed to answer individual questions about clinical pictures.