Screenshot (photo: Here 11)

Saint or whore?

Let's talk about masturbation and female orgasm

"If our sexuality is like nature, then it also contains hurricanes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions and vast desert areas, and everything is fine. Because nature is not just a field of flowers. And so are sexuality, masturbation and the feelings surrounding them."

Hagar Ashtar talks about sexuality from a slightly different angle

Hagar Ashtar

09/26/2022

09/26/2022

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"I do think that it involves masturbation, and a woman's familiarity with her body - there is a connection of embarrassment, there is a connection of concealment, there is a connection of guilt."

This is a sentence said in the video "Female Orgasm" by Kaan 11 that was released as part of a series of videos titled with the explosive description: "Openly" Let's talk about sexuality from a different angle.

It is hard not to sympathize with this sentence, which holds behind it messages of acceptance, liberation and inclusion.

And there is no doubt in my mind that everyone who put their hand in this video did so with the full and good intention of fulfilling these goals and severing these ties.

However, the very title of the video series, "Sexuality from a different angle", raises the question of what is the acceptable angle of which we want to provide an alternative.

Watching the video gives the impression that here we have received female sexuality, or discourse about it, from a pure, clean angle.

But in my opinion, we may have crossed a fine line here, which passes between purification and purity.

You don't need all this pastoralism (photo: screenshot, here 11)

Attempts at purification run through this video throughout, and I must say that I do not feel comfortable with the purifying approach.

It starts with choosing the location: beach, fields, flowers.

It was possible to choose to interview the same women in a neutral room as well (as in "Sorry for the question").

But the choice made here, apart from giving a rather artistic and aesthetic product, is not neutral and holds messages behind it: female orgasm is a pleasant, quiet and pastoral nature.

This atmosphere is also supported by the content itself: "We are part of nature and beauty" - a phrase said when the frame in the background is of a hand stroking flowers.

But this approach may actually miss its goals, and there are also other disadvantages to this point of view.

First, because these strong attempts at purification show us first and foremost that there is something wrong here that needs to be purified, meaning that perhaps there really is an immanent connection between masturbation and impurity or dirt, and that it is something that should be hidden or ashamed of.

After all, in the first place, why should we try to normalize something if it is so normal, or purify something that there is no reason for us to think it is impure.

In my personal opinion, the pastoral mannerisms were unnecessary, and it would have been possible to produce an equally important and interesting product even if they had been "satisfied" with interviews inside a room.

Second, because the presentation of the antithesis to the concept that masturbation is 'bad', does not really free the preoccupation with female sexuality and female orgasm from moral judgment, and thus actually strengthens the connection between this subject and the sacred-impure axis.

Therefore, a video of this type does not sufficiently place my mind in the directions in which it sends the discourse.

I would like to hear about masturbation and female orgasm from other angles as well: of pleasure, of body health, of mental health, of familiarity with the body and of freedom.

Enjoyment and getting to know the body was talked about in a certain way, there were also references to this journey during which we discover and get to know our body more and more, and also this world of masturbation and orgasm.

I would be happy if there was more focus on the journey itself, on the fact that it can be long and spread over years, and that there may also be disharmonious moments in it, without judging either myself or my pace.

But I felt that instead of stimulating content (intellectually, I meant intellectually), empowering or groundbreaking, I received a relatively superficial model through which to look at my sexuality.

In all of this, there was one moment in the video that touched my heart, and it is a story told by the gray-haired interviewee, without dwelling on it too much: "I remember that one time it really made me laugh, that I started masturbating and suddenly I found myself in some kind of world where there are nuns and there is a demon.. . He goes into their rooms and messes with them. And it really, really surprised me like this whole phenomenon that now I'm imagining it and it turns me on so much!"

Trying to break the antithesis (photo: screenshot, here 11)

Only at this moment did I feel that there was an honest angle of lack of judgment.

Of understanding that if our sexuality is like nature then it also contains hurricanes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions and vast desert areas, and everything is fine.

Because nature is not only a field of flowers and so is sexuality, masturbation and the emotions surrounding them.

In this case the woman received this experience with curiosity and wonder.

But even if at that moment she didn't feel completely okay with it, there is a place for that too.

Because this presentation of the orgasm as something that is pure, harmonious and pastoral actually reduces our freedom to experience the whole spectrum of emotions that are associated with it, and suppresses the willingness to experience it and explore it in a clean way.

And by suppressing the journey, we can't get anywhere.

Towards the end of the video, one of the interviewees says: "I feel that we as women are not reformed enough", and I feel that we have not progressed anywhere, that once again there are expectations, and once again there is a model.

Instead of the model of the nun, the virgin who has no sexual desire at all, we got a model of the free woman who is at peace with her sexuality.

We can be happy that it is a slightly more encouraging model, but like any model, it also has destructive potential in that it may produce the endless cycle of comparison, criticism and blame.

I feel that we are not corrected enough, because we do not need correction, we are all perfectly fine.

And I wish that soon we will also be able to feel that way, truly and sincerely.

• Sheee

• Saxipedia

Tags

• sex

• sexuality

• women

• masturbation

• relations

• orgasm