Hear a story.
I was once invited to be a guest at a TV studio, but I didn't want to come.
To be honest, I politely and gratefully decline most TV show invitations.
This time, however, there was something beyond that.
The kind investigator who called to invite me mentioned the name of the facilitator.
She must have wanted to impress, but that name stuck in me like an arrow.
I had an open account with that one.
Arrogant fool!
A few years before, he viciously mowed me down - and in writing!
- Above what platform was given to him.
I didn't even remember what he was so angry about, the zero.
Was it a response to some program I filmed, or to something I said on the radio.
Maybe for my very existence.
But I remembered the evil well.
Every word was a stab, and every arrow was laced with a slightly different kind of poison.
Nonsense, I said to myself as I read.
Do not pay attention!
Don't let it get to you at all!
And yet I related.
Oh, how much I related.
For deep reasons related to human nature, I atone for him, I went back and read this text again and again.
I memorized it furiously but persistently, thoroughly vacuuming the venom and making sure it spread to the very ends of my soul.
Of course I refused the invitation.
Why would I waste precious hours of my life to fill the list of interviewees of that one.
Just mentioning his name made me feel numb, acute burning in my sinuses and general nervousness.
But the investigator insisted.
To be honest, my agent also informed me that I had to attend this interview.
You need to promote a certain project, and mention at least twice which event I am going to host.
And in short, it's a show with ratings, and you can't be spoiled!
Just seal yourself;
Play it like a pro, god dammit!
Get on the taxi and go to the studio.
I traveled
I hated myself for traveling.
But I went.
Do not wear a shirt that is too white or too checkered.
Don't forget to smile a lot.
I entered the make-up room with the joy of a student called to the principal's room.
Don't go overboard with the make-up and let's be done with it.
Yes Yes.
There you are ready.
You will be on the air soon.
And then it happened.
As soon as my foot stepped in the entrance to the studio, the moderator raised his eyes from the table, silenced the other people on the panel, pointed at me and said "I owe this man an apology".
So.
without any early hint.
without being asked.
Get with and cameras Shay Golden admitted that he remembers.
And a little shy.
He was open, detailed and generous.
He said that I didn't deserve it, and that he felt the need to ask for forgiveness.
I think that gesture kind of paralyzed me.
I didn't even ask.
I didn't mention that story and I didn't think he remembered.
As much as it depended on me, I was going to adopt the agent's briefing.
Come in tight and goal-oriented, do the damn PR, sign a V and go home.
The last place I plan to get excited is a TV studio, but I found myself in a bare and honest moment.
I think tears flooded my eyes, and in any case I was embarrassed and very excited.
To this day, I have a lot of respect and affection for this special man, Shay Golden.
Right at that moment I asked myself if I would be able to in his place.
After all, we all know how to be mean and rude sometimes.
It's that easy.
Sometimes also quite pleasant.
But there are more people among us who are able to run a marathon in bare feet than those who will take upon themselves the task of admitting, looking honestly at their unsuccessful side and being right to bear some blame.
And no, I'm not talking about Ayelet Shaked's apology.
After all, asking for forgiveness unexpectedly, without being asked for it, is a bit like proposing marriage unexpectedly.
The chance of humiliation is quite high.
In the world of small accounts there is no place for soul-searching, so people who know how to forgive, ask and be forgiven, are a kind of superheroes in my eyes.
A few years have passed since then.
To be honest, I don't remember what the words were that hurt me.
But as far as forgiveness is concerned, here comes Yom Kippur, and precisely this memory - a TV studio, Golden, sudden tears - manages to make it clear to me why Jewish culture for generations believes with all its heart that forgiveness is one of the most sacred things in our lives.
Last week I mentioned here for a moment the fascinating entry of the customs of "forgiveness" into the general Israeli culture.
I mentioned the forgiveness tours to Tomi, and a day later I came across a news report about important rabbis who came out with a sharp condemnation of the "forgiveness shows".
Yes, this is also a phenomenon that has been taking root for several years.
In the days around Rosh Hashanah, you can see quite a few ads about Salihat shows in various ensembles throughout the country.
And there are also big concerts.
Really big ones, with orchestras of dozens of famous musicians and singers, go on stage and sing "Annu", "Ya Shema Avionich" or "Bozori al Mzhabbi", in front of an excited audience of thousands who join in with the sound of voices.
Did the rabbinic condemnation surprise me?
Unfortunately, not really.
Good people asked if, from a halachic point of view, it is permissible for them to attend such a show when they are in mourning.
The rabbis' answer was sullen and unequivocal.
Without having anything to do with mourning customs, they claimed that musical concerts of forgiveness poems were an improper and obscene thing.
They did not spare harsh images, and they also had claims that cannot be dismissed outright.
They argued, for example, that forgiveness is neither entertainment nor celebration.
And you don't need to be an expert in Halacha to agree that there is something in the claim.
But more than the difficult words bothered me, I regretted the words that did not appear there in the halachic answer.
There was not one good word about the people of Israel.
terrible days
Jewish autumn in the land of his ancestors.
Thousands of people stand in the amphitheater, in the park or in the Sultan's pool, tearing up the sky with words like "We have sinned before you, have mercy on us", or "Our answer, the season in times of trouble!"
And for the sake of the rabbis, is there not one small good word to say about all this?
Just to sound a little advocating for the people of Israel - a principle that once years ago had a certain weight in Halacha as well.
Not a hint of paragon or an attempt to paint a slightly more complex picture.
Only condemnation and denial.
almost automatic.
Which is also a poignant reminder why more and more believing and observant Israelis try to ask as few halachic questions as possible.
Not because they are disdainful or burdensome, but because they prefer not to lie in their hearts.
Are the halachic rulings and the harsh condemnation about to put an end to the phenomenon of forgiveness shows?
I wouldn't bet on it.
But of course I would love to hear other responses from other rabbis.
shishabat@israelhayom.co.il
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