Wow, that one question.
Aom says she was sure it was the right thing to ask and that the answer was positive
would be.
And nevertheless.
When Aom stepped onto that big stage in Bangkok in June, with the whole crowd below her, as she took Tiny's hand, when those words made it out of her mouth, "Will you be my wife?", she was almost blown away.
Aom, 33, and Tiny, 24, are two women in Thailand who love each other.
They said yes in June on a stage at the Bangkok Pride Parade right after the application.
It was a
Wedding ceremony with white veils, tears, kisses, hundreds of spectators.
They uploaded the video of it on the social networks where people sent them likes and heart comments.
They have sought out many witnesses for their lesbian love, as if to protect themselves, because their vows do not stand up to Thai law: Aom and Tiny cannot get married in a civil ceremony.
A legally binding marriage in Thailand can only be entered into between a man and a woman before the law.
Until now.
Anyone who deals with the rights of the LGBTQ community in Thailand sees a country in transition.
Thailand has always been a place where the LGBTQ community was quite visible
,
especially compared to other Southeast Asian countries like Malaysia, Indonesia or Brunei, where tourism boards advertised with the slogan »Go Thai, be free«.
But where at the same time queer people were denied fundamental rights.
In 2022, observers and activists are surprised at how many steps the country has taken towards a more open, progressive society in a short period of time: In June, a Pride Parade took place in Bangkok for the first time in 16 years, and it became one huge party with rainbow flags and 10,000 visitors.
Also in June, Parliament held its first hearing on four legislative amendments affecting same-sex partnerships.
Among other things, it is about the legal recognition of the gender of trans people and same-sex marriage.
At the time, many were already celebrating Thailand for becoming the second country in Asia to enshrine marriage for all in law.
So far, these are only available in Taiwan.
Describing change means listening to those who have been campaigning for it for years.
And to meet those who still suffer from exclusion, who still do not feel equal.
Chumaporn Taengkliang is one of Thailand's most prominent LGBTQ activists.
Taengkliang, who everyone knows as Waaddao, 39, wearing a rolled-up hat and shorts, is sitting in a Bangkok café in mid-October.
She has been fighting for the rights of the queer community for ten years.
There is still a long way to go before marriage can become a reality for everyone in Thailand, she says, but "it could actually be that far in a year or two."
When she looks back, she is often surprised herself.
A lot has happened compared to 2012, when she started getting involved.
About eight percent of Thai society is part of the LGBTQ community, five million people.
People today are more open and less ostracizing towards them.
There are now many young people in Thailand who no longer want to remain silent, who do not duck away from the powerful.
Who encourage each other on social media, unite, catch up.
You could see these politically minded women and men en masse during the protests of the democracy movement in 2020. "They stood up for real democracy, for fairness, for the rights of women, the LGBTQ community," she says.
Against the dominance of powerful men who never have to ask the people, starting with the king down to the smallest units of society, the families.
The democracy movement has lost momentum due to the pandemic, says Waaddao.
But at the Pride Parade, which she helped organize, all these people striving for change were reunited on the streets.
The number of people who came, says Waddao, left her speechless.
She believes that after the Corona standstill, the need for a shared experience was great.
Part of the success can also be explained by Bangkok's new mayor, Chadchart Sittipunt, an independent politician who had already campaigned for LGBTQ rights during the election campaign.
Waaddao says her own experiences have politicized her
and encouraged to take action against the patriarchal, exclusionary structures in her homeland: During her school days, she experienced rejection from relatives and acquaintances who did not want to accept her non-binary partner.
Heard constantly that someone in my circle of friends had been sexually harassed again.
Watched Thai TV shows that showed rape like it was the most normal thing in the world, like that's what happens when a man desires a woman badly.
It disgusted Waaddao.
She founded her first organization, the Tea Group, Together for Equality and Action.
The name is a nod to her childhood in southern Thailand, where women and children were barred from the local teahouses, while inside men engaged in political debates and discussed a future that affected everyone.
Despite all the recent positive changes, Waaddao says: »Thailand is still anything but heaven for queer people.«
That's what it sounds like when you listen to Aom and Tiny.
They are sitting on the grass in Bangkok's Benjakitti Park on a Wednesday in October, they have just come from a book fair next door.
It's a pleasant day in the city, not too hot, the sky - at the end of a heavy rainy season - blue with almost no clouds.
Tiny's hand is on Aom's knee, her legs are crossed cross-legged.
They tell.
How they met.
That Tiny looked through the social media profile of Aom, who makes her money as a queer influencer.
That she had an "online crush," as Tiny says, and fell in love just by looking at the Instagram profile.
Eventually Tiny dared to write to Aom.
She had the feeling that she was far too young, far too uncool, since she was still going to school at the time.
But Aom wrote back.
Did they ever want to meet up?
Aom visited Tiny in Chiang Mai, her hometown in northern Thailand.
Tiny was working in a coffee shop that day, with her hands in the sink and her back to the door when Aom entered the room and hugged Tiny tightly from behind right from the first meeting.
They've been together ever since.
That's five years ago.
At the meeting in the park in Bangkok, Tiny strokes Aom's cheek and rolls Tiny's hat off her face.
Also on their social media profile, Aom and Tiny present themselves merged into a single account: aomtainee.
There they show 17,000 followers the tattoos they get together, pictures of cuddling, traveling, motorcycling.
They believe showing happiness is the most powerful antidote to hatred.
You know the hate.
He meets them as a comment on the Internet, in which someone threatens them with rape and death.
As a look in the subway when they hold hands, as a saying when they pass a group of men in the park, who then say, for example: »What a shame« or »Which lesbian do you think is hotter?
I would go for the smaller one.” Such verbal attacks are not punishable in Thailand, which is why nobody reports them to the police, which is why they don't appear in any statistics, even if they happen all the time.
According to the United Nations Development Program, queer people in Thailand have less access to health care, their jobs are less secure,
around half of all respondents in the report experienced exclusion at school.
Exclusions that lead to teenagers wanting to take their own lives.
"All this hostility is why it's so important to me that we can be legally married," says Tiny.
'It would make me feel safe.
That I have a say in the event of illness or the death of my wife.
That we can have children and bank accounts together and have the same access to social services as heterosexual couples.«
Activist Waaddao says that trans people, i.e. people who do not identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth, have been repeatedly attacked in recent years, and many have been murdered.
They can only change their gender title if they have undergone full surgery.
Anyone who cannot or does not want to afford such an operation is excluded by the law.
There is continued pressure from parents who believe that homosexual children can be changed to heterosexual by pills or doctors.
Being in the midst of societal change means two things: keep fighting and continue to be patient.
All three, Tiny, Aom, Waaddao, it seems, understood that.
They remain committed because they know that change in Thailand - a country of inequality, power and powerlessness, which gives its citizens places from which they should please no longer stand up - will never come without such a struggle.
But you can also hear the three of them hoping that after the next elections, which will take place in 2023, marriage could actually be decided for everyone.
That soon couples like Aom and Tiny, then under law witnesses, would be allowed to ask themselves this question, "Will you be my wife?"
This contribution is part of the Global Society project
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