No sex or no alcohol: they are 20 years old and sober. So what ?

Vivian was 21 when he made his decision.

After a separation that makes him chain evenings and one-night stands, he realizes that he spends all his free time refreshing the dating apps installed on his smartphone or spending his nights with boys he only sees. 'Once.

“I could sleep with three different guys during the week, or even more.

If it had matched ass well, we would see each other again.

But these were one-night stands.

»

From a hookup overdose to abstinence

One evening, he receives a message on his cell phone from a boy he doesn't know who asks him to meet.

A shock for the young man who then understands that his phone number circulates like a plan that we share.

“I said to myself that the image they had of me was problematic and that far too many boys had pictures of me on their phones.

The message too many, the one he needed to put an end to this way of life and impose total sexual abstinence on himself.

Vivian is not an isolated case.

According to a 2022 FIFG study: 43% of 15-24 year olds did not have sex in 2021, i.e. 3.5 million out of the 8.16 million 15-24 year olds.

The confinement effect, but not only: the trend is confirmed year after year and it is a real reflection that pushes Vivian and the others to question their sexual appetite and what is behind it.

Abstinence also characterizes the sex life of Tony, 25 years old.

A condition for him: that the sexual pleasure takes place with the person with whom he will remain all his life.

“I always told myself that I was going to wait for the wedding.

»

Tony

“Not for religious matters, but because I always felt this need to tell myself that this is something precious and personal and that I had to do it with the right person.

“Guided by a desire to build his life with someone, he intends to have sex only with the woman with whom he knows he will “start a family”.

A need for construction that Vivian also underlines in her relationship to sex: “When I separated from my boyfriend, I was no longer sexually fulfilled when I was only 21 years old.

Today, the ideal would be that I find a darling: I want to find a real bond at all levels, and in particular ass level.

»

"I just never smoked or drank, that's my norm"

They may assume their abstinence, those around them sometimes tick on their choices.

In the evening for Tony, there is always “a little moment of chambering to know when I'm going to do it”: “When I was younger, I had confidence in myself and nothing to prove to others.

When I was 16 or 17, my friends warmed me up a bit to go out with a girl I was interested in.

We finally went out together and when I told her that I was not ready, she left me: in high school, we wanted to explore, but I wanted to know what it was like to kiss a girl and get away with it, no more.

»

Read also“There is always supply, so it’s impossible to stop”: why they left dating apps

Question comments from friends, Georges was also served.

Not for his sexual abstinence, but because he doesn't drink a drop of alcohol.

"In my environment, contrary to what one might think, alcohol and drugs are not that present: there are more people who do not smoke and do not drink among my close comedians and musicians than everyday people.

This does not prevent him from facing criticism.

“I don't talk about it, unless I'm asked questions.

This is something that I have been criticized for a lot, as if by talking about my absence of alcohol or tobacco consumption, I was explaining that I was better than the others.

But in reality, I don't know if it's good: I just never smoked or drank, it's my norm, it doesn't require any effort!

»

“I am not in this rhythm today”

Tony

Remarks are sometimes followed by curiosity, for their own good.

Today, if those close to Tony respect his desire to wait for the right person, a question often comes up: “Where is your +1?

".

“I take it in a humorous tone, but there is something behind it that tells me that they would like me to have a girlfriend.

My cousin got married two years ago, then my cousin last year.

This is the tempo for my loved ones, but my last ex-girlfriend dates from 2015!

»

“It gradually became ideological”

Corentin also hears this refrain which reminds him that he is off the hook, even if there are more and more of them: in 2022, he is one of the 18% of 16-30 year olds who have never consumed alcohol (15% in 2021).

A choice that must be made on a daily basis: “Alcohol plays an important role in the social life of students for their integration.

Because he wanted to avoid drunken games, Corentin boycotted integration weekends.

“When one of the players doesn't drink, he penalizes his comrades who have to drink more.

»

A radical solution which allowed him to avoid complicated situations in these weekends where alcohol, valued, flows freely, even if certain schools try to control the consumption of their pupils.

At Neoma business school, for example, bags are searched at the entrance on weekends, when HEC checks alcohol orders.

“Substance taking would prevent me from keeping control.

»

Corentin

As for the others, the remarks of the entourage of Corentin are frequent.

But he holds on: “At first, there were parental instructions, then I never wanted to.

It gradually became ideological.

I have never smoked either, nor taken other drugs and I drink very little coffee: I don't like substances that can modify my behavior against my will.

I agree to let go if I choose to and taking substances would prevent me from keeping control.

»

A behavior that his friends in the evening do not control: “Many use alcohol (to disinhibit themselves, editor’s note) for meetings when at home it takes a little more work.

It's the only thing that could make me change one day.

But for the moment, that does not call into question my absolute absence of consumption.

Maybe I need a little more courage to have fun.

As with Corentin's friends, alcohol gave Vivian the confidence to seduce.

It was by becoming abstinent that he noticed that his consumption was linked to his sex life.

“Before we drank shots with the friends, then a guy paid me to drink, and then it went on a slippery slope.

When I danced or a guy came to me, thanks to the alcohol, I managed to make him understand that there was a way for something to happen.

»

The disinhibition that Vivian was looking for is the exact opposite of what Georges needs on stage on a daily basis.

Two vital reasons for his abstinence: the need to “preserve my brain, because that's what makes us creative;

the work of a comedian is very introspective and psychologically very heavy to bear”.

Then, on stage, the link with the emotions must be as clean as possible.

“Drinks are not going to relax but to camouflage an anguish, it's a hiding place.

Those who drink before going on stage develop an addiction, as if a banker arrived on a meeting with a client after drinking two pints.

»

Go even further

The roller derby pro - he was selected for the France team - adds to his absence of alcohol consumption, another abstinence, in addition to not eating meat for 11 years: cigarettes.

“In college, I did not see the subversive side of those who smoked and drank.

I listened to them say that they didn't want to do like everyone else, but everyone drinks and smokes!

Not doing it, that was subversive.

» Today tattooed with a cross on the back of each hand, he displays his belonging to straight edge, a movement « which wants to be a response to the nihilistic and destructive side of the punk milieu ».

The principle ?

No alcohol, no drugs, no meat, “but it can go as far as no sex, no caffeine, no drugs.

» The 100% version of the choices of Vivian, Corentin, Tony and Georges.