Grief in children and young people - now there is help in the difficult hours

Created: 11/02/2022 10:57 am

At the opening event in Puchheim (from left): Martina Drechsler (deputy district administrator), Heide Tartler (KIT), Princess Pilar zu Salm (diocesan superior), Thomas Braun (head of bereavement support for children and young people), Katrin Staffler (CSU member of the Bundestag and patron of the service), Alexandra Obertreis (head of bereavement support) and Carmen Sturz (head of KIT).

© Maltese

During its missions, the Malteser Crisis Intervention Team in Gröbenzell found that there was a great need for grief work with children and young people.

In the district, the youngest receive special help in the worst hours for the first time.

Gröbenzell/Puchheim

- "Grandma shouldn't be in heaven" or "Who's going to teach me how to swim now?" or "Can we keep the apartment at all?" - these are three fictitious statements, but they say something like this after death of a relative could fall.

The Malteser Hilfsdienst collected them for a flyer presenting the latest offer from the Catholic social association: bereavement support for children and young people.

According to the experience of the Malteser, they experience and process the loss of a loved one differently than adults.

And if necessary, they need special help.

The first such offer in the district was presented at a kick-off event in Puchheim.

The idea was born in the Malteser Crisis Intervention Team (KIT) in Gröbenzell, who recognized a great need for post-operational follow-up care, the talks with a little time lag after the event, but could only refer them to contact points in Munich.

Accordingly, children in particular lack the (mostly) rational approach of an adult to death.

They react with fear, anger, and their own feelings of guilt.

Or they hide their sadness.

Parents often have to deal with themselves and do not have the time and energy to take care of the children in detail.

The future bereavement companion also wants to be there when a friend has an accident or grandfather is no longer there.

The usual case, however, is likely to be the death of a parent.

The tragic event should first settle down, many families can cope on their own, says Carmen Sturz from the intervention team, which also mediates the - initially two - trained bereavement counsellors.

However, if the children are disturbed and shaken beyond the usual level, or if symptoms of illness appear, support can be requested.

After an initial meeting with all those affected, the volunteers take care of the young survivors alone, who may want to speak out in this way.

Then, above all, you can talk, at home or in nature.

Employment opportunities are offered, mourning rituals such as the memorial candle or mourning-free times and zones are agreed.

"We help to sort out thoughts and show ways to deal with the loss," promise the Malteser.

The duration and frequency of contact will be discussed with the family.

If there is a great need, bereavement groups for exchanging experiences are also conceivable in the future.

At the start in the Puchheim cultural center, all greeting speakers were impressed by the new project.

The member of the Bundestag and patron Katrin Staffler (CSU) spoke of the helplessness of the parents, who are busy enough with themselves in such a case.

"They are the ones who help to keep it going," she said to the initiators.

"You are the anchor when everything threatens to go under." Pilar zu Salm, the diocesan leader of the Malteser with her own experience in children's hospice work, quoted a young half-orphan: "I hid because I didn't want anyone to find me, and was sad because no one was looking for me.”

Additional volunteers who enjoy working with children are always welcome.

Contact for helpers and parents by phone (0 81 42) 59 68 46 or by email to kindertrauer-ffb@malteser.org.