Nadav responds to Eden and Niv (Kashet 12)
I was sitting last night with some male friends, and of course we were talking about women.
Both because I'm nosy, and because it's part of the research I've been doing for years.
One of them is turned on by someone who works with him, and he described to us his last interaction with her, which he thought was a pretty obvious proposal for a date, but could actually also look like a friendly proposal for a drink.
He has not yet received an explicit response, and I quite understand why.
When I asked him why he didn't say something clearer, something that would oblige both of them to admit that it was a romantic proposal and deal with the answer - his answer consisted of two excuses.
The first is that in his opinion he was very clear, and the second - he knows how to read "signs", and that if she was interested she would have already done something.
I tried to convince him to speak directly and make it clear to her in a way that doesn't imply that he is interested, but he refused, and although I understand the reason - he is insecure and doesn't want to put himself in a vulnerable position - it's a mistake.
Everyone is afraid of rejection, and rightly so.
Rejection is unpleasant.
But this fear only gets worse the longer dealing with it is delayed, and while we "protect" our ego, everyone loses.
After all, she also wonders whether this proposal was a proposal for a date or not, and therefore does not know exactly how to respond.
If, for example, she goes out with someone and has to refuse, she is afraid of a reaction that denies romantic intentions and brings her out alive in a movie, (in the style of "who even started with you, you ugly", only Ashkenazim).
On the other hand, if she is available and interested, even then she is in a state of discomfort, because in fact she does not know if when she says "yes" she is going on a date or arriving at a friendly collegial meeting.
She chose the one who wanted her more.
Eden (Photo: "The group" Keshet 12)
In the romantic triangle of the "group" we get another example of the chronic fear of revealing the cards before we have certainty that we will not be rejected.
Nadav, wanted Eden at the same time as Niv, and the competition between them was close.
The main difference is that Niv was not afraid to openly express his desire, thus providing her with the sense of ease that allowed her to want him back.
While Nadav is amazed by every sentence that comes out of Aden's mouth "I can't believe you say that, it's like talking to myself", but refrains from revealing all his enthusiasm, Niv communicates with her and not in a closed circle with his own fears, thus making her feel comfortable.
He notices when she is stressed and when she is open, and behaves accordingly, and most importantly - understands that she needs to know that he wants her, in order to make a decision.
Even now, after Aden is out of the equation and Natalie remains there, Nadav falls in exactly the same place (in tonight's episode, video above) and may end up losing her too, because she also wants to feel wanted, exactly the thing he doesn't dare to express.
Nadav, who suffers from the successful guy syndrome (which is a guy who is considered "successful" but is actually brooding over self-confidence issues that he is not fully aware of), only "hinted" to Aden that he plans to perhaps, tomorrow, close the corner on the decision because he is tired of being in the spotlight and uncertainty , and along the way he also mentioned the other girl he was talking to, to protect himself by clarifying to Aden that he wasn't just waiting for her, that he had other options, and all this to hide the fact that he was feeling vulnerable at that moment.
No wonder he freaked out when he found out she chose a dialect.
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Natalie (Photo: "The Group" Keshet 12)
True, it also bothers me that the act of wanting and courting falls mainly on the men, and the female role amounts to waiting for action from the male side.
There is no logical reason why Eden cannot be the one who wants and expresses her will, and not just the other way around.
It's not fair for men, and especially humiliating for women, who as a result spend half their lives waiting to be wanted.
But this is the situation at the moment - a woman who takes the initiative in the courtship phase is still received with suspicion by Israeli men - and vice versa.
We are so used to this game that it will probably take us a few more generations to change it.
It's just a shame that for now we are stuck in this boring loop of insecurity, and miss a very large part of the interactions that could be available to us if only we weren't so scared.
Just like no one wants to be the first to dance in the square, so no one wants to be the first to admit that they want someone, and that's how we all waste our lives waiting for approval, to allow ourselves to simply want ourselves.
It is not only pathetic and wretched, but ironic, as Nadav demonstrates well - strategically bad: the expression of desire itself serves as excellent fuel to ignite the other party.
Implicit and moderate expressions of desire will result in weak agreements or even distancing of the other party, while taking an emotional risk is the most effective tool for persuasion to give the necessary initial chance.
You may have forgotten, but the hardest thing in the world is to resist someone who really, really wants you.
Sheee
sex and relationship
Tags
sex
Love
relations
