Two-thirds of those who seek help due to domestic violence, to the Michal Sela Forum association, are her environment.
People like her sister, her best friend, the neighbors, etc.
This is according to a study done for the Michal Sella Forum by Tel Aviv University, led by Dr. Dafna Heker and assisted by the international expert on preventing violence against women, Ronit Lev Ari.
"It's time to intervene" is the name of the new campaign of the Authority for the Advancement of Women in cooperation and implementation of the Michal Sela Forum, presenting six warning signs in simple and memorable language.
The toolbox that bears the initials for Arabism, helps to distinguish and identify silent violence and also clearly presents how to act and who to contact.
Lily Ben Ami (Photo: Courtesy of those photographed, Nir Kider)
To
Not like before - she sometimes seems off
She doesn't smile like she used to.
She became a less happy and enthusiastic person.
The light in her eyes is off.
She has no energy when she is with you and at work.
She is exhausted.
She is not focused "head somewhere else".
She wasn't like this before.
Change in appearance: she wears clothes that are less suited to her style, she arranges her hair in a different way than her usual taste.
Deterioration of health: she gets sick more often than usual.
She is losing weight.
Fatigue, black bags under the eyes.
Extreme moods rise and fall.
Crying without explanation (when asked, she replies "Everything is fine. Everything is fine").
The messages she writes to you on WhatsApp are written differently than usual.
Could it be that she did not formulate/write them?
God
Rapid progress - she is surprising in the commitment of the relationship
She surprises you with things that happen quickly - in the progress between them.
In her previous relationships it wasn't that fast.
She finds herself in an overwhelming, exciting and intense relationship right from the beginning of the relationship.
Shortly after the beginning of the relationship he says that she is the woman of his life.
Adore the ground she treads on.
He engages in passionate, intense, dense, adoring and exciting courtship.
He pushes for the relationship to progress very quickly and be serious and binding: move in together, have unprotected sex (she may have gotten pregnant unplanned), get married.
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Michal Sela (Photo: Michal Sela Forum)
A
Excuses - she defends him and justifies him
She speaks on his behalf, defends him, justifies him, explains his behavior: "He didn't come because he's busy";
If he doesn't participate in conversations then she says he is shy.
She justifies the 'surveillance' of her out of concern for her safety by saying that "he loves me so much that's why he is constantly interested in where I am", "I understand him. He cares about me".
"He didn't come because he's busy";
If he doesn't participate in conversations then she says he is shy.
It is important for her to keep her good name in front of you, even when something unusual happened.
She defends him in an extreme and excessive way, especially when criticism of him is heard in her ears.
It can go as far as threatening to cut off contact with you.
p
standing between us - she is unaware that he is being pushed
He comes with her to your meetings, more than usual.
He is escorted everywhere and arriving at meetings with family/friends.
He is often there at your gatherings, driving and returning.
Arriving at the workplace and back, only with the partner, or in his car.
You find yourself pretending and flattering him;
So that he doesn't keep your girlfriend away from you.
When you meet both of them together, you pretend to like him, fearing that he will distance you.
He makes contact with the immediate environment without her knowledge, pours out his heart about his difficulties with her, and asks them to keep a secret and thus can cause a conflict between them and her
You don't have mental conversations with her like you used to.
She does not share with you what is happening between them
Michal Sela (Photo: Michal Sela Forum)
R
Distance - it shortens conversations and meetings
The conversations between you are shorter
The relationship between you is weakening because she is moving away.
It is difficult to schedule a meeting with her.
Repeated cancellations of coming to social and family gatherings.
She is no longer as spontaneous as she used to be.
In an uncharacteristic way for her, she repeatedly cancels for you appointments that you made without him, at the last minute.
Sometimes she explains that it is because he is not feeling well or some other reason.
Her leaving WhatsApp groups and/or deleting friends from social networks and/or deleting contacts from the mobile (deleting friends from the past).
Moving to a more distant place (like moving city or moving abroad)
B
Detective after her - she is alert and stressed
Expressing fear of being late returning home or being delayed without notice.
He surprises her at her workplace and elsewhere.
He calls her all the time while you are meeting and also while you are talking on the phone (he is on hold).
You talk to her on the phone, and he calls her from the other line obsessively.
Very frequent calls/texts from the partner.
You talk to her on the phone and he's always on hold.
You feel that she is tense during the conversation.
The woman's vigilance during your conversations: "I can't talk, he's next to me" "Don't send me messages whenever you want. Let me know you're sending" "I delete the messages after I read them."
Constant reporting to the partner about her schedule: her location, her actions, who she is with and when she will return.
She sends him a record of places she's been (video, photo, receipt from a place where she made a purchase - so he can see the date, time, place).
Photographic evidence of her location, when they are not together.
Lily Ben Ami, CEO of the Michal Sela Forum association: "Each of us knows how to identify a suspicious object at a bus stop, even though the chance that it is a bomb is one in a million.
So how is it possible that when there are shouts from the neighbors - we are not sure what to do and who to call?
In order to defeat terrorism, the IDF has tools to fight from the air, the sea, the land, and the cyber. And also with the help of public vigilance. This is exactly how it should be done in the fight against terrorism inside the home. In the last two years, we finished building in the Michal Sela forum one toolbox for the victim and a second box for the attacker - to prevent the violence in advance We have now finished building a third toolbox, for identifying violence in advance by the immediate environment. It's time to intervene, stick your nose in and save lives. Don't tell my sister it won't happen. If it happened to us, it could happen in any home."
Sheee
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Tags
women
Domestic violence
men
