Are we missing holidays? The ballad about Qatar | Israel today

This week the World Cup started in Qatar, and the whole world, except for me, as a concoction.

Even I, who have no green idea about football, and the only striker I know is the striker who came to the kibbutz from that song, I could not avoid the discussions of the World Cup and everything surrounding it, including the criticism of the Qataris who violate human rights, of the unimaginable number of deaths among the foreign workers who built the stadiums, Suspicions of a bribe given to the Ecuadorian team so that it would lose to the Qataris (probably there was a problem with the transfer in Bit, because in the end the Ecuadorians won) and the ban on drinking alcohol, which upsets the fans.

We too participate in the World Cup, only through sporting activities like running to buy big TV screens before they run out and popping pounds of crackers into our mouths.

Most of the games will be broadcast here on Khan 11, a channel that I actually like, but now he and I will have to break up for a month, hoping that he will still be interested in me even after he realizes that I am a man who is not interested in football and will not watch a game, even if the Qataris pay him for it (ok, There is something to talk about, I also receive reals).

The channel's decision to celebrate the "World Cup holiday" (as if we lack holidays), as they call it, did not prevent them from broadcasting this week a rather shocking documentary program about the appalling living conditions in which the workers who built the fancy stadiums were employed.

Immediately after, a cheerful and festive program was broadcast in honor of the World Cup, as if we hadn't seen a minute ago that those who built this celebration lived with 30 other people in a room, worked in 50 degree heat and died like flies.

Have a happy World Cup.

Apparently the channel also has divided opinions on the broadcasts, because the caption on the screen throughout the evening is "repulsive direct".

Even I, who am not really enthusiastic about the event, find the word "repulsive" to be a bit excessive.

But not only from here 11 (which for me this month turns here 11 young people with excess energy running after a ball) I have to say goodbye.

All my male friends cut me off for a month because they realized I just didn't understand what they were talking about.

My interest in football stopped a long time ago, when I was a teenager and when the song "Ma ma ma ma na na na Maccabi Netanya" marched in the chorus parade.

Even then it was possible to simulate the gap between my understanding of the field and that of my friends, to the gap between the level of play in the World Cup and the level in the league for jobs.

I'm not completely ignorant, I'll be able to spot Spiegler's chin and point to Pele if he walks past me on the street and turns 20 again, but that's about it.

I know that when the ball enters the goal it is customary to shout "Goal!"

And stand up, unless it's a goal conceded by your team, then if you do the fans next to you might turn your head into a ball.

If I have to predict what will happen in the coming month, I assume that most of the men will position themselves firmly in front of the screen, which in some houses will already be almost the size of the field.

In the workplace they won't talk about anything else, everyone will analyze yesterday's game, evaluate the situation regarding tonight's game and sum up everyone's points in the internal bets they made there - the question is what is the attitude to the bet that the company will go bankrupt at the end of the month, because no one Didn't work in it.

Even so, I read that since the corona virus, many choose to work from home, and actually don't really work when they are there, because who wants to work when they are at home, and some of them have an additional workplace that the employer doesn't know about;

Now, when there is also a World Cup, the chance that they will do something productive is similar to the chance that the Israeli national team will qualify there someday.

In the meantime, the women who are less in the section will find other occupations for them, the restaurants will be empty, the bars will be full and the concert halls will be inhabited only by retirees or lovers of artistic gymnastics.

Since, with all due respect to my love for women, I don't want to completely disconnect myself from the world of men, I asked a friend to explain some basic concepts of contemporary football to me, so that in case of need or if I am invited to one of the friends' meetings, I can throw in a word and not come off as a complete jerk.

That's how I learned the names Ronaldo, Messi, Mbappe (it turns out it's not something that dentists install in your mouth, but a French footballer), and I realized that with a sentence like "even though he's no longer a child, Messi had some beautiful moments yesterday", I can get out of interest despite that the last game I saw was on a black-and-white Silura TV.

The friend also explained to me that there is a game method called tiki-taka and that I should not accidentally say tik-tok.

Another thing I am memorizing these days is the phrase "soccer is played for 90 minutes and at the end the Germans win", even though it's a second bullet for the Holocaust, I have no interest in it actually happening.

I was also advised to include in the conversation the term "Total Football", a game method invented by the Dutch in which every player can play any position on the field without a clear definition, and the mention of which makes you sound like a football expert even though for you it is total boredom.

As part of my training I muttered to the first lady yesterday that the mess I left in the kitchen is part of my belief in the Total Football method, where everyone does what they want.

Since then I have been forced to live according to the Total Self Cooking method, as the lady has declared that she does not enter the kitchen, so my meals are on the pure Total Scrambled Omelet.

The friend who gave me the training for the World Cup explained to me another important piece of information, and it is a relatively new technological thing called VAR, an acronym for Video Assistant Referee, or in Hebrew Screen Referee Standard, where the referee on the field can consult with a referee who sits in an air-conditioned room and watches a filmed version of the game , so that he can also correct mistakes of the usual and sweaty judge.

When the referee on the field wants to use VAR, he signals with his hands the movement of a screen, then goes to the screen to check if he made the right decision or just to steal a few seconds of watching the Kardashians.

As part of my sympathetic speech in football, the friend recommended throwing out the sentence "VAR has ruined football" or the opposite: "I don't understand how we used to manage without VAR" - of course depending on the wind blowing in the room and the direction the conversation is going.

Since Israel doesn't really manage to sneak into the World Cup and our achievements in the field are very limited, it would be better if we concentrate on high-tech and plastic chairs - we would do well if, instead of wasting time and resources on trying to raise footballers, we focus on training screen referees.

We are a nation of high-tech and screens, and even non-programmers may excel at staring at a 50-inch screen, and since even being a regular soccer referee requires physical fitness, we should focus on TV referees.

The Jewish people have never excelled at running, but when sitting in front of a television in an air-conditioned room we are excellent, and if they allowed the judges to also eat flat and empty stomachs in front of the screen, we would be a powerhouse in the field.

The concept of VAR can also be integrated into everyday life.

Since the judge's decision here is technology-based and therefore decisive and ends any debate, it may be worthwhile to introduce screen cameras and judges into additional fields.

In any dispute at home or on the street, from a fight with your wife to an argument about parking, you can raise your hands in a rectangle motion, the relevant judge will enter the picture, watch the material and decide if you cleaned the kitchen or if it was your wife who was hungry at 3 in the morning, and if you scrubbed the neighbor's car Or he shaved the wall.

outside the box

This week, even before the World Cup started, friends invited us to a board game night.

On the face of it, a Sahi and clearly non-digital evening, which is suitable for a very specific type of yoram.

But this evening, in which the adult children of the invitees, who are all smart soldiers in the IDF, were also present, was particularly charming. Those present split into groups, put their mobile phones aside and immersed themselves in a selection of screen-free games, from "Rummy Cove" to a game I did not know called "Name Code ", where the players try to guess words that one of the other players tried to convey to them through hints.

I admit that it was a lot of fun playing with young people whose faces I finally saw, and not just the center of Padhadh because their heads are immersed in Tiktok.

My brain experienced a creative activity that it had probably long since forgotten since I played Monopoly with my girls a decade or more ago on Yom Kippur.

If the tradition of repeating this time continues, maybe at the next meeting we will also build a Lego on the carpet and jump in a pool of balls.

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YairN@IsraelHayom.co.il

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