Secret hand signal: "Domestic violence exists in all cultures"

Created: 11/25/2022, 5:30 am

By: Laura May

November 25th is the International Day to Combat Violence against Women, according to the United Nations.

In Bavaria, too, women suffer from male violence, especially in the private sphere.

In 2021 alone, 19,249 acts of violence were reported to the police.

District of Munich – bruises, broken bones, sexual and psychological exploitation – Cornelia Trejtnar hears violent stories every day.

The trained bank clerk and social worker worked for 16 years in inpatient youth welfare before she took over the management of the district women's shelters of the social service catholic women Munich e.

V. took over.

In an interview, she explains why domestic violence is increasing and why children are often forgotten.

Prosperity, equality, the rule of law – do we even need women’s shelters here?

Germany is one of the countries with the most femicides in all of Europe.

femicide.

Why does murder of women need its own word.

Because violence against women is structured, it is gender killings.

This is often not referred to as femicide in the media and ends up in trivial marginal notes.

Are you a feminist?

Violence just doesn't work, no matter against whom.

This has nothing to do with feminism.

But: femicides are femicides.

And ideally, women will come to you in good time and thus escape the perpetrators.

They come to us through friends, relatives, counseling centers or the police after experiencing domestic violence.

Often they have nothing.

Either because they had to leave quickly or because their husbands systematically withhold documents such as passports or their children's birth certificates.

What exactly is domestic violence?

Abuses by men against women and children.

This can be the husbands, partners or brothers.

It is about physical, sexual or psychological violence.

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What condition are the women in when they come to you?

Again and again we have cases of women who have been injured in the hospital for weeks and first have to recover.

Many women have been deprived of control of their lives.

I had a case where the woman was not allowed to leave the apartment alone for seven years.

How do you help women acutely when they are in front of their door?

Our main task is to offer women protection from those who are at risk.

Bringing you back to life physically and mentally.

They get a room, help with their further planning of their further life prospects or we arrange external psychological support.

Are the men trying to find their wives?

Again and again.

That's why the addresses of the women's shelters are anonymous.

If women are particularly at risk from other federal states, they are placed so that they are really safe.

Again and again there are men who install software on women's cell phones and thus stalk or control them.

Why don't women leave such toxic relationships sooner?

Out of fear.

It takes a lot of courage to take this step.

They have often been addicted in various ways for years.

Mentally, professionally or financially.

The expensive living space here in the region also plays a major role.

Women often do not know how they can afford a life without a man.

Is domestic violence a problem for a specific group?

no

Domestic violence occurs in all cultures and social classes.

Of course, a woman with a good network and sufficient financial resources has other options for dealing with it than a woman who does not have such resources.

The situation is even more difficult for women with children.

As the?

In many cases, the fathers promptly demand contact with the children again.

Family courts and youth welfare offices then expect the women to sit down with the perpetrators again after eight weeks.

And fathers have a right to see their children?

The argument is often: he only hit the woman, not the children.

The father has a right to contact.

In principle, I think that's correct.

For us, however, the well-being of the child is paramount.

What better way to help the children?

A psychological specialist service is needed on site that specifically takes care of the stresses on the children.

There are cases where women have been abused for months in front of their children.

It's not just about violence against women.

Children bind women to their men.

And the men play with their guilty conscience and their fears.

According to the motto: You took your child's dad away.

The children then stand between the chairs?

Yes, they often suffer greatly.

Even if they have often not experienced physical violence themselves.

After just a few days with us, you can see that they are calmer, sleep through the night or no longer wet their beds.

Many women's shelters struggle with the fact that youth welfare offices and family courts underestimate how children suffer from violence against their mothers.

They often struggle with the psychological consequences throughout their lives.

How long can women stay with you?

The aim is to bring them into a self-determined life as quickly as possible.

How is this continuing?

The real problem is that places are no longer free.

Many women stay here longer than planned.

Above all, affordable housing is a problem, many simply cannot find an apartment that they can afford.

Applications to authorities often take months.

Has the need increased in recent years?

We notice the economic situation.

When economic pressure and stress increases in difficult relationships, the situation escalates faster.

Violence in close social relationships has increased in recent years.

Inflation, corona, energy prices and housing shortages are contributing to this.

Are there any offers of help afterwards?

In our model project Second Stage, we provide women with suitable living space.

We support them in building a network and offer psychosocial support.

The aim is for the women with children to take over the lease for the new apartment after a year.

Shared apartments are available to single women as a temporary solution.

Do you build personal relationships with the women?

Social work is always a mixture of closeness and distance.

It is important that the women build trust in us and take courage - it is not about bringing them into the next dependency.

Does it often happen that wives go back to their husbands?

Most of those who walk the path to a new future then make it on their own.

The hardest part is making the jump.

Is there help for men who want to change?

The men's counseling center MILK (men's counseling in the district of Munich).

In our opinion, far too little work is being done on this.

We would like dealing with children to be linked to such an offer.

Very few men go there voluntarily, but it can be a way for father, mother and children to rebuild a better relationship.

Keeping an eye on women and children: Cornelia Trejtnar, the director of the women's shelter, offers at least temporary protection from violent men.

Photo: private © private

Help in the district of Munich

Affected women can contact the following offices:

There are two women’s shelters in the district of Munich:

Women's shelter 1: Tel. 089/451 25 49 90

Frauenhaus-lkr-muc@skf-muenchen.de

Women's shelter 2: Tel. 089/895 43 33

90frauenhaus2@skf-muenchen.de

In addition to the two women's shelters, there are various offices for those affected.

First of all, the own

.

The virtual room can be found under the following link: t1p.de/ILM-Room.

The Equal Opportunities Officer can be reached by telephone on 089/62 21 24 95 or by e-mail to Gleichstellungsstelle@lra-m.bayern.

There is also a dedicated child and youth counseling center and the model project MILK (male counseling in the district of Munich), a

.

Men who have either become violent or are in the process of becoming violent also need and receive help.

Contact by phone on 089/62 21 15 86 or by email to maennerberatung.lkr.muc@bruecke-erding.de.

Other offers of help for women who have experienced violence, border violations and sexual assaults are the Frauennotruf counseling center, Tel. 089/76 37 37 or the Münchner Insel crisis counseling center, Tel. 089/22 00 41 lm

(By the way: everything from the region is now also available in our regular district Munich newsletter.)