Therapist shares seven behaviors mentally strong people don't do 

Created: 11/25/2022, 5:00 p.m

By: Judith Brown

Life always presents us with challenges that mentally strong people are often better able to master.

On the other hand, they avoid certain behavior and thus go through life more resiliently.

Amy Morin has never given up despite the hardships in her life, she has always stood up and kept going.

When the American psychotherapist and author was 23 years old, her mother died suddenly of a brain aneurysm.

She was widowed three years later, the same weekend she and her Lincoln family celebrated the third anniversary of her mother's death.

Her husband died suddenly when he was only 26 years old.

How she managed to stay mentally strong and what she advises not only her clients in difficult phases of life, she wrote down in her book "13 things that mentally strong people do NOT do".

Below are seven of the valuable tips.

Psyche: Seven things mentally strong people don't do 

Mentally strong people don't wallow in self-pity.

Instead, they work on active problem solving.

© Uwe Umstätter/IMAGO

"Not doing the thirteen things won't let you get over your grief.

But stopping doing them will help you develop the mental strength you need to face the big and small problems of your life,” Morin writes in the foreword to her book.

Based on the experiences she had already had in her life, she found that there are ways of behaving that would do us more harm than good.

In order to go through life mentally strong, she therefore recommends avoiding them and not doing them.

Mentally strong people don't feel sorry for themselves

Pain and sadness are part of our lives.

Everyone has probably already gone through phases in their life in which they mourned or felt pain.

Although sadness is a normal and healthy emotion, Morin believes suffering and unhappiness for too long is self-defeating.

Because self-pity has never gotten anywhere.

On the contrary: According to Morin, self-pity only creates new problems and can have serious consequences.

Also, sinking into self-pity keeps you from enjoying life to the fullest.

It is mentally taxing and does not help in any way to change the situation.

Instead, the psychotherapist advises realistically checking where you stand so as not to overdo it.

It also helps to seek active problem-solving and work to improve the situation.

Also, meet self-pity with gratitude.

Be thankful for something every day.

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Mentally strong people are not afraid of change

According to Morin, many people shy away from change because they consider it too risky or too uncomfortable.

However, if you do not face up to changes, this can have serious consequences, for example for your health.

Therefore, the author warns against changing anything: life will probably not improve in this way, you will not live healthier and be overtaken by other people.

She therefore recommends preparing well for changes by creating a plan.

In this you should record what you want to change and how and stick to it.

The plan allows you to take things one step at a time and celebrate small victories.

It is also helpful to already behave in the way you want to become.

"If your goal is to be more open, be kind to others," Morin writes.

Mentally strong people don't want to please everyone

Always wanting to please everyone can negatively affect all areas of life and prevent you from achieving your goals.

"You can be a nice and generous person without having to please everyone," writes Morin.

Most of the time behind wanting to please everyone is the fear of rejection and conflict.

Since these are usually uncomfortable, people like to avoid them.

If you behave in a way that pleases everyone else, your own needs take a back seat.

However, this can have negative consequences for both yourself and those around you.

So if you don't say yes to everything, you'll increase your self-confidence, feel less stressed, have healthier relationships, and have more time and energy to focus on your goals.

Morin therefore recommends recognizing your own values ​​and living by them.

Also, if you don't want to do something, just say no, and practice tolerating the uncomfortable feelings that come with conflict.

Mentally strong people don't live in the past

Persistent feelings of anger, shame, and guilt keep people stuck in the past.

At the same time, fear of the future can also lead to living more in the past than in the here and now.

Dwelling in the past, however, only distracts from problems in the present.

Holding on to the past, Morin says, can make the present slip past, leaving no room for change or improvement.

In extreme cases, like a certain diet, it can even lead to depression and damage your health.

The therapist knows that mentally strong people avoid these behaviors.

She therefore advises making a firm decision not to live in the past.

Her advice is to set goals for the future or consciously think of something else.

"Make a plan that will help you think about something else," Morin writes.

It also helps to look ahead in life, even if it is sometimes painful.

It is also important to actively process grief.

Only then can you focus on the present and plan for the future.

Also, find ways to put your past behind you.

Mentally strong people don't make the same mistakes over and over again

It is human that mistakes are sometimes made again and again.

In order to get through life well, however, repeated mistakes are not advisable.

Instead, we should learn from mistakes by analyzing wrong decisions.

To do this, ask yourself questions like “What went wrong?”, “What could I have done better?” and “What can I do differently next time?”.

Because learning from your mistakes will make you stronger.

That's why, according to Morin, it helps to take personal responsibility for every mistake.

Also, write down a plan to avoid repeating the same mistake.

Also learn to recognize triggers and warning signs for old behavior patterns and practice self-discipline.

Mentally strong people are not jealous of others

Envy is unhealthy.

Instead, Morin advises focusing on your own path to success without being jealous of the wealth of others.

Envy is often rooted in a deep-rooted sense of insecurity, Morin writes.

"Assuming others have the happiness they deserve will leave them bitter," says the therapist.

Envy can thus dominate the whole of life.

Envious people will therefore never be satisfied with what they have.

They will also not recognize their own abilities and talents and can even destroy relationships.

Mentally strong people, on the other hand, recognize the achievements of others and are happy about the success of others.

The author therefore advises finding out what success means to you personally and writing down your own definition of success.

Also, replace negative thoughts with rational ones and learn to appreciate the accomplishments of others.

At the same time, focus on your own strengths and cooperate with others instead of measuring yourself against them and seeing yourself in competition.

Mentally strong people are not afraid of being alone

For many people, the thought of spending time alone is not alluring.

It even goes so far that some are downright afraid of it and almost suffer from a kind of loneliness phobia.

"Facing our commitments and relationships on a daily basis can take its toll if we don't take time to reflect," Morin warns in her book.

Being alone has many benefits: it can increase empathy, boost creativity, and is good for mental health.

Mentally strong people therefore do not avoid taking time for themselves and spending it alone.

Get used to being alone more often and practice not only enduring silence, but actually welcoming it.

It helps to be alone with your thoughts for just a few minutes each day.

Also, set a date with yourself at least once a month and practice mindfulness skills to focus on a task.

Resilience: When people respond to problems by adjusting their behavior

The term resilience is often read in connection with mental strength.

It means the adaptability of people and the process in which they react to problems and changes by adapting their behavior.

"If people have certain resources of resistance, such as knowledge and intelligence, self-identity, self-esteem, as well as strong social ties and support options, strong religious or philosophical convictions, a life in cultural stability or material resources, then they are often more resilient than others", Dipl.

psychologist and systemic individual, couple and family therapist Esther Berke from Munich also knows to

.

According to the therapist, the so-called sense of coherence plays an important role.

This consists of the three components of understandability, manageability and meaningfulness in life.

“People with a high sense of coherence are better able to cope with difficult situations in life and to select the resources necessary to do so.

People with a low sense of coherence, on the other hand, often have difficulties coping with the stresses in their lives,” says Berke, a graduate psychologist.

People who have a strong sense of coherence are therefore better able to "let go" of harmful behaviors.

Rather, they feel they can handle the problems that come their way and see a purpose in applying them.

In addition, they can make it understandable for themselves

that by doing so they can change their lives for a better one.

"From my point of view, people first need this feeling of security, only then are they really able to let these behaviors be."

Mental health: ten tips on how to strengthen it

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