This is how you avoid crises under the Christmas tree
Created: 06/12/2022 06:07
By: Carina Zimniok
Small children, small gifts - but it doesn't stop there when the offspring grows up.
©Getty
What do the children want for Christmas?
A lot of!
But how many gifts are good for children?
And how to avoid big disappointment under the Christmas tree?
dr
Désirée Ratay is a mother of three, a pediatrician and family coach from Landshut.
She gives tips for a peaceful celebration.
How many gifts are good for a child?
I would hate to commit to one number.
The smaller the children, the fewer gifts they expect.
That's why I wouldn't create too high expectations for the next Christmas among younger children who don't even ask for many presents yet.
The more they get, the more they expect next time.
dr
Désirée Ratay is a mother of three, a pediatrician and family coach in Landshut © Private
Is there still a rule of thumb?
It is important that parents ask themselves: Does my child need the gift?
Does it really make my child happy?
Or do I give gifts because I want to shop and be happy?
You should take a close look: Am I giving a lot because I need love and recognition from my child?
Or out of guilt because I didn't have much time for my child?
Gifts should bring real joy and not just promote the unfortunately widespread culture of consumption, collecting and distraction.
What is a good gift for children?
Parents should not only give their children what they think is right, but keep an eye on the needs of the children and their nature.
Parents should honestly question whether the gift is linked to expectations.
For example soccer shoes, hoping that the child will become a professional.
Then it's not a real gift.
What about time gifts - do they work for kids too?
Yes, it is very important to our family.
Every child gets a gift of time, time for undivided attention.
For example, an afternoon at the thermal baths just with dad.
And we also introduced a family gift that creates memories together.
For example, this year we went to Cirque du Soleil.
Our children should not associate Christmas with consumption.
That doesn't mean they don't get gifts, but the gifts are carefully chosen.
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Some parents walk through the department store with their children and ask: What should the Christ child bring? How useful is that?
Perhaps the children already have so much that their parents no longer know what to give them.
That would make me think.
Or the children have to look for inspiration together with their parents...why not?
As long as the gift is chosen carefully, I wouldn't have a problem with that.
What's important to me is that you don't have to buy just any gift just to buy.
When it comes to some wishes, parents already know: the child only plays with it at Christmas, after that it soon ends up in the corner. Should you still give in to the wish?
That's a really tough question.
As a mother of three, I am of course also confronted with this problem.
Especially with the two older children.
I try to make sure that the children get gifts that meet their needs and help them develop their potential.
But it is important that their wishes are respected - even if they may not correspond to my ideas.
Sometimes desires arise from a kind of peer pressure.
Yes, older children's fear of not belonging to their circle of friends must be taken into account.
There is a gray area where we are flexible with children - but also an area where we know we need to step in.
For example, my son no longer gets Beyblades, which are very fast little spinning tops.
They'll be gone in an hour!
That just doesn't make sense.
But if he wants something from Lego and knows it will only be built a few times, he can have it - because building is an exercise, a moment of connection or an expression of his creativity.
Let's go straight to the Holy Feast. If the wish list was full and then not everything is under the tree, the crisis is programmed. How do you start that?
Prevention is the best medicine!
We only allow a limited number of material things to be on the wish list.
Children may and can learn to distinguish between heart's desires and consumerism.
They can take their time and weigh up what is really important to them.
And that is only possible with an upper limit.
The wish list lays the foundation for a peaceful celebration.
We turn writing the wish list into a ritual that lasts an entire afternoon.
This also promotes connection.
Well, it doesn't stop with the nuclear family. How do you prevent grandparents and relatives from showering the little ones with packages?
Oh yes, this is a tiresome subject for many.
The big problem is often that relatives and grandparents do not respect the parents' wishes in terms of the number of gifts.
Parents then rightly feel transported back to their childhood when their wishes were not taken seriously.
That's why the topic is so emotionally charged, it's about boundaries.
How can you protect your own borders?
That is difficult for many.
You don't want to hurt your relatives at Christmas, you don't want to start a fight.
Maybe I'm a bit radical, but if you don't respect my ideas about Christmas and gifts, you either can't come here or don't give anything.
Luckily I don't have that problem, my parents think the same way I do.
I advise others to raise the issue early.
Are there any tricks how the gift giving doesn't degenerate into an unpacking frenzy?
With us, the youngest child is allowed to take a present under the tree first.
It looks who it's for and hands it over.
Everyone waits for the gift to be unwrapped.
Then it's the next child's turn and so on.
This is how you convey appreciation.
And it also helps for peace: Definitely give presents before eating!
Why?
The year before last, my mother conjured up a four-course menu for eight people, we all sat at the table - then, for whatever reason, the children heard the doorbell ringing in the middle of the meal.
Of course they were suddenly gone, we had to run after them... absolute chaos!
This can be prevented if the children no longer sit on coals while eating.
Many families have a completely different problem: they have little money.
Yes, the other day a single mom told me that unfortunately she doesn't have any family or friends who will shower her little son with presents.
She said she hopes to be able to offer him enough on her own.
For example, in many libraries there are wishing trees or similar campaigns through which families with little financial means can have wishes fulfilled.
Interview: Carina Zimniok