Let's have the party in peace! How to prepare for a conflict-free Christmas as a family

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In retrospect, everything can be seen much more clearly, but if it were that easy, we wouldn't drag in each family so many stories of

that occurred at Christmas.

Why at Christmas?

Well, because, one way or another, we feel forced to come together.

Because we don't feel like it, but we do.

Because our elders deserve it, but we don't always go to lunch and dinner with the best possible disposition.

rivalries, offenses and competitions are generated

between brothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law...

Obligations, ideas, conflicts...

But things don't stop here, also between cousins, brothers, parents and children of the same line of consanguinity there is

at Christmas.

It is one of our most traditional festivals, and that, in itself, generates controversy.

In addition, there is a lot of time that we force ourselves to spend together, there are many emotions that are mobilized on these dates and the religious or political ideas that end up emerging.

Who gives more?

The conflict is served.

At this point, and not being possible to alter the calendar, we have no choice but to prepare before it is too late.

The reason why it is important to get

up in order to avoid unnecessary family conflicts at Christmas is very simple: because then we all have thinner skin than we think and because the intensity (seasoned with alcohol) of the moment shortens our fuse.

How can we prepare to have the holidays in peace?

• Agree as much as you can as a couple,

  time before the holidays arrive.

  Talk and reach agreements regarding things as basic as the time that is going to be dedicated to being with each branch of the family or the number and amount of gifts that are going to be given or that the children are going to receive.

  To avoid rivalries and be the solid team that you have to be, without cracks.

• Set expectations and don't be surprised.

  If you've been complaining about the atrocities or nonsense that your brother-in-law says for a long time... Don't expect him to have changed!

  Get ahead of the surprise outrage factor and count on the one who seemed unbearable to you last year (and the year before, and the other...) will continue to seem so.

• Do not personalize the comments of others.

  Because that not only weakens your self-esteem, but also leads you to a very delicate and intimate terrain in which you will be very easily offended.

  Put on a raincoat and allow others to express themselves without offending you and without making their offenses your own.

• Try

  to avoid those topics of conversation

  that you know have already been upsetting to you in the past.

  Don't provoke.

  What need do you have to play those keys that you already know make it easier for everything to blow up?

• Surround yourself with people

  with whom you have an affinity.

  In all families there are people who arouse more affinity than others.

  Sit at the table next to people with whom you know the conversation tends to flow.

  Avoid physical closeness with someone you know gets on your nerves;

  there is no need to tempt fate.

• Find support beforehand.

  Someone you know calms you down just by looking at you, or regulates you by just touching you.

  You yourself can practice self-regulation if you bring some constructive messages already trained from home.

  They are messages that you can extract from this very article, if you wish.

• Do not aspire to

  any kind of reconciliation either.

  At a Christmas Eve dinner, rough edges are not smoothed out, just in case they are created.

  The resolution of a conflict requires a series of emotional conversations and steps that are taken in private and throughout the entire process, not at the moment of greatest tension and with the entire family as witnesses.

• Don't be a passive observer.

  Don't be afraid to intercede.

  If you see that things get ugly anywhere on the table, do everything possible so that it does not get bigger.

  Do not hesitate to remove those involved from the scene.

  Better a moment of well-resolved tension than a show that will always be remembered.

• If things have gotten ugly... Make sure the children don't keep that learning.

  Again, take the adults out of the scene and

  explain to the little ones

  that the older ones sometimes do things wrong too.

  Also explain to them how events should have unfolded in order not to go to that extreme.

And finally, remember that the purpose of meeting is not to be right or to be above anyone.

If we have decided to go to a celebration, it is because we understand that there are people for whom it will be

(usually the oldest and the youngest) so remind yourself of the reasons why you are at that meeting and stay faithful to them.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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