People who do not assume monogamy are stigmatized like other minorities

Monogamy is the norm in the way of organizing sex, affections or property in a large part of modern societies.

Although its rules are met, often due to lack of opportunities to break them, its prestige remains solid.

People with great political discrepancies, such as the Chinese president Xi Jinping and the American Joe Biden, or the vice president of the Spanish government, Yolanda Díaz and the head of the opposition, Alberto Núñez Feijoo, share a monogamous way of life.

In the profession that lives by identifying enemies, this section generates a broad consensus.

Although interest in alternative ways of organizing sexual relations is growing, couples in which consensual skipping of monogamy, different from traditional infidelity, is allowed remain a minority.

And, according to a study published this week in the

, is a stigmatized minority.

“People in these types of relationships say they experience stigma in different ways,” says Elizabeth Mahar, a researcher at the University of British Columbia (Canada).

“In addition, that stigma experienced is associated with psychological distress,” she adds.

Data from the United States and Canada cited in the study indicate that around 20% of the inhabitants of those countries have had a non-monogamous relationship by prior agreement with their partner and that 5% are in such a relationship.

In Spain, the figures are similar.

Human societies use stigma to identify beliefs or behaviors that are considered negative for the group and for oneself.

Alternative lifestyles are often seen as a threat to those who live content with their conventional ways or are afraid to change them.

Sex is one of the aspects that generates the most conflicts among all animal species, including humans, and hence the need to regulate it strictly and the intense concern to make everyone comply with the rules, through formal laws. or simple gossip to discourage dissidents.

In Mahar's article, it is pointed out that "monogamy confers a halo effect" whereby people in this type of relationship are evaluated positively regarding matters that have little to do with their way of organizing themselves in sexual and affective.

This effect can explain the overwhelming majority of politicians in monogamous relationships or the advice that, according to the book

, Manuel Fraga, then president of the Xunta de Galicia, gave to a young Mariano Rajoy: “Go to Madrid, [.. .] get married and have children.”

With people who choose a relationship with consensual exceptions to monogamy, the opposite is true.

Several studies suggest that their cognitive abilities are less trusted, that they pay taxes on time, or even that they can be left in the care of a dog.

It is also considered that they will have a lower level of sexual satisfaction, more problems with jealousy or more sexually transmitted diseases.

Although the study of this type of relationship is limited and much of the information is obtained through surveys, with the consequent limitations, Mahar and his colleagues mention works that indicate that the satisfaction of the couple is the same or higher and that, due to to the high levels of infidelity, which are estimated between 11% and 57%,

protection against sexually transmitted diseases may be an illusion.

Despite the widespread stigma, non-monogamous arrangements are not all judged the same.

Open relationships for sexual reasons, such as those who exchange partners, are viewed worse than those that are explained by romantic reasons, such as polyamorous.

Among the volunteers surveyed for the study, five out of eight felt judged, stigmatized or discriminated against for their consensual non-monogamy, and previous studies have confirmed that these people are exposed to negative reactions within their family.

In addition, it is also pointed out that mental health professionals treat them differently, judging their behavior or framing it as pathological, and that they have little knowledge about this type of relationship.

Mahar and his colleagues draw an analogy with the stress suffered by other minorities, such as homosexuals.

This stress occurs in three steps.

First, you suffer prejudice and discrimination.

These experiences lead to assuming stigma and anticipating it, even when there is no reason, and all of this leads to worse mental and physical health than they would have if they suffered as a minority.

Despite the fact that slightly more than half of those surveyed (57.5%) did not consider themselves stigmatized due to their sexual and affective choice, in 40% of the cases it was because they kept it hidden, as happens with other minorities that can hide its particularity.

Although the simplicity of the monogamous model has proven effective in organizing affective life, researchers such as those who published the article in the

They suggest that there are alternatives that can better satisfy the needs of some.

The most recent statistics suggest that men are more interested in these types of relationships and that those who practice them more frequently are homosexual men.

From a racial point of view, at least in the US, there are no differences.

What does seem common to monogamous and non-monogamous relationships is the need for rules accepted by all participants.

New ways of understanding sex, if they manage to overcome social stigma, may improve satisfaction for a minority, but they don't seem to make love and sex life simple.

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