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Author Tupoka Ogette on decisions: "For me, it was a learning process to stay with me."

2022-12-26T09:31:21.646Z


The most important decision in author Tupoka Ogette's life was one made by her mother. In an interview, she talks about it - and says why you should sometimes sleep on it for two nights.


SPIEGEL

: Ms. Ogette, have you already made a decision today?

Ogette

: I exercised this morning.

That was a good decision because I was able to start the day full of energy.

SPIEGEL

: Which sport exactly?

ogette

:

I did spinning.

I love exercising with loud music playing.

But it's always a decision to pull yourself together.

SPIEGEL

: What was the last decision that annoyed you?

Ogette

: I often get annoyed when I've ignored my gut feeling.

Mostly these are moments when I wanted to please people or avoid a conflict.

SPIEGEL

: Which type are you: more like "shooting from the hip" or "wait and see and drink tea"?

Ogette

: Both apply to me, although that might sound contradictory.

I can be very persistent and patient in my educational work about racism.

Changes take time.

At the same time I'm impatient, because BIPoC - the abbreviation stands for "Black, Indigenous and People of Color" - have been experiencing racism for about 500 years.

To quote James Baldwin, writer and equality icon, “How much time do you think it will take?” I can also make very impulsive decisions.

Sometimes that got me into trouble.

I now take my time before making big decisions.

SPIEGEL

: What has been the most important decision in your life so far?

Ogette

: My mother left Leipzig in 1988, just before the fall of the Wall, and moved to West Berlin with me when I was eight years old.

Applying to leave the country was my mother's decision and not mine, but it had a very strong impact on my life.

From one day to the next, the move meant for me: farewell – and a new beginning.

SPIEGEL

: Before an important decision ...

Ogette

: … I breathe in and out deeply and listen to myself.

I'm trying to sleep on it for at least one night, better two nights.

Female socialization also means growing up believing that you have to please everyone.

As a Black woman, one is also quickly confronted with the attribution of being »difficult« or »too aggressive«.

For me it was a learning process to find out what feels right for me in decision moments and to stick with me.

SPIEGEL

: Who do you ask for advice?

Ogette

: Definitely always my husband.

We also work together.

His perspective is essential for me.

Then my mother, my best friends.

So my closest circle, a kind of mini-parliament.

SPIEGEL

: And who is asking you?

Ogette

: My children.

Only my eldest son is now asking fewer questions and is making more and more of his own decisions, which at 24 is of course a good thing.

Also the people I just mentioned: my husband, my friends.

In addition, it is my job to raise awareness against racism.

I have written books giving advice on how to deal with racist behavior in everyday life.

That's why a lot of people contact me with questions - in workshops, readings, but also by e-mail or social media.

For example, they want to know how to address racism at work or at the child's school.

SPIEGEL

: What was the worst advice you've ever received?

Ogette

: After the fourth grade, despite very good grades, I was denied the recommendation for high school – on the racist grounds that people like me would be better suited as cleaners.

My mother then fought for me to be able to go to high school.

SPIEGEL

: What advice do you have for young people who are faced with an important decision?

Ogette

: Take your time, don't let yourself be rushed.

Sleep on it at least one night.

And then get some different perspectives from people you trust and know want what's best for you.

Source: spiegel

All news articles on 2022-12-26

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